Shit We Say: Skype Edition
"Gosh darn it (name)! Stop being Peter Pan!"
"I thought you were saying 'Fetus, fetus, fetus'."
"I gotta go sheep, I need to be a sheep, it's my part-time job."
"HE SHAGS FOR INFORMATION!"
"Only s/he does boom instead of bzzt"
"'I GOT A SHINNING ONION' (name) says holding a Decent Cucumber."
"Another decent yam and weeds, weeds everywhere."
"Sleep now, Vegetarian Kings/Queens."
"#I'm pretty sure we're all on something."
"Fuck these six fish in particular."
"Serving trays hurt when they're lobbed at your head."
"Yes hello I'd like to request Kalamari."
"Stop with the fucking bell pepper."
"Shined? Shinned? English language why you gotta be so confusing?"
"Earning those big bucks and fucking over (name)."
"S/HE'S THE SOURCE OF IT ALL!"
"You and (name) has ruined me."
"SOMEBODY YELL TIMBER BECAUSE THIS TREE IS GOING DOWN!"
"I asked (name) and s/he said 'Condoms'."
"But was it a wooden spoon?"
"I WILL FIGHT YOU WITH A WOODEN SPOON!"
"Oh that's not oregano..."
"THEY'RE FIGHTING AGAIN!"
"This is why I don't leave. If I do, the world is out to get me."
"That nun needs a tan quick."
"Guys you're only on your second date, chill."
"Honestly I looked at my body pillow and said 'Fuck you'."
"Her/His hair would eat those flowers."
"Enough with the Haikus."
"That fucker left me at the lighthouse in the rain."
"Majestic sea flap-flap."
"I'm always getting a hamster, what the fuck?"
"Get in line my soul is promised to like seven other people."
"'Lets all be besties.' 10 bucks says (name) punches her/him before the day's over."
"'Why is this nerd carrying a bomb detonator?' Literally the best thing you could do in that situation."
"What do you want me to do? Snap my fingers and make everything go away?"
"How about I dress in drags and do the hula?"
"I just want to reach the gay."
"You two are so cute, you should make lots of babies, plow her/his ass, child."
"Because you gay as fuck."
"THAT'S THE SAME GOAT THAT I PHOTOSHOPPED HIS/HER FACE ON!"