late night thoughts

[lovestoryaesthetic]

my drama teacher told us today, while we wee attempting to act out a scene where we had to make character choices, that

"boring choices make for a boring life"

and I just thought that was beautiful. no 5 year old looks at their future and says "I want to work a 9-5 job and eat the same food everyday for the rest of my life." no. they say "I wanna be an astronaut" and "I want to travel the world" and "I want to bungee-jump off a bridge"

a 5 year olds thoughts are never boring. caused boring choices leads to a boring life. so why do we settle? why don't we follow our dreams?

[lovestoryaesthetic]

dont let toxic people back into your life just because you're lonely...

there's a reason they're gone

[lovestoryaesthetic]

if they were meant to stay in your life, they would still be here.

if they're gone, that just means that they aren't meant to be in your life at this moment.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

sometimes we distract ourselves and keep ourselves busy so we don't have to feel how much pain we're actually in

[lovestoryaesthetic]

the right people stay.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

the right person will make you fall in love with yourself too. the right person won't make you question their love for you.

read that again.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

sometimes you think that you want to disappear but in reality all you really want is to be found.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

why is that the people who treat others the best are the people who get treated the worst?

[lovestoryaesthetic]

having depression and anxiety at the same time is so stressful because your anxiety is listing off everything you have to do and how little time you have but your depression is telling you that you don't have enough energy to do them.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

have you ever felt that youre constantly in the background even in your own life? like, you know a lot of people but not a lot of people know you? you always listen in conversations but are never the one to talk even if you have something to say because you're afraid no one will care and you'll look stupid. you have two or three really close friends that you talk to about your life but no one else. your friends have a ton of friends and talk to guys and get a ton of attention and have drama but you never do. you know a lot about everyone but only a few people really know who you are. you feel like you could disappear and only a few people would notice. you have a best friend but youre not you're best friend's best friend. you dont mind not being the center or attention, but you just wish you knew that people noticed you. you have a good friend that everyone wants to be friends with and they're close with everyone but you feel like youre a side character and no one really notices you. some people know youre name but they dont make an effort to talk to you outside of group settings. you know that people know who you are but you feel less important. it gets lonely. just know youre not alone cause I feel all of this.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

her eyes are tired from crying. her arms are tired from embracing. her legs are tired from standing tall. her fingers are tired from holding onto life. her lips are tired from saying she's 'fine'. her heart is tired from feeling the pain. she's exhausted. yet she puts on a smile and pushes through as though nothings wrong.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

"I'm afraid," I told him.

"Afraid of what?" He asked.

"I'm afraid that you're not gonna be able to love me later how you do right now. I'm afraid that one day, you're gonna wake up next to me and see my flaws how I see them: every scar, every roll, every imperfection, and you're gonna ask yourself why you chose me. I'm afraid that in the time we're apart, you're gonna meet someone new who isn't as broken or messed up as me and you're gonna chose them because they're easier to love."

[lovestoryaesthetic]

I miss her-

The carefree girl that didn't have a care in the world. The girl who smiled and laughed and had the time of her life without worrying about how she looked or what people thought of her. She was so young and free and everything seemed to make her smile. But she's changed. She used to be someone who never failed to smile- now she struggles to find anything that makes her the slightest bit happy. She used to run up to her mom and give her a great bug hug- now she's embarrassed to be seen with her. She never used to care what others thought about her- now she worries about it constantly. She used to jump out of bed in the morning with a smile on her face- now she struggles to even open her eyes in the morning. One might ask what happened to that beautiful little girl. The world did. She became depressed, anxious, and unmotivated to do anything. Everyday she pasted a fake smile on her face and went about with her life- but inside she was drowning in fear and worry that she wasn't good enough. She wishes she could go back- back to when she didn't care, she wasn't constantly exhausted, and to when she was truly happy.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

have you ever felt that youre constantly in the background even in your own life? like, you know a lot of people but not a lot of people know you? you always listen in conversations but are never the one to talk even if you have something to say because you're afraid no one will care and you'll look stupid. you have two or three really close friends that you talk to about your life but no one else. your friends have a ton of friends and talk to guys and get a ton of attention and have drama but you never do. you know a lot about everyone but only a few people really know who you are. you feel like you could disappear and only a few people would notice. you have a best friend but youre not you're best friend's best friend. you dont mind not being the center or attention, but you just wish you knew that people noticed you. you have a good friend that everyone wants to be friends with and they're close with everyone but you feel like youre a side character and no one really notices you. some people know youre name but they dont make an effort to talk to you outside of group settings. you know that people know who you are but you feel less important. it gets lonely. just know youre not alone cause I feel all of this.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

one of my friends asked me: "do u ever feel like life is a highway with speed bumps of happiness?"

most of the time it feels like life just moves by without much change and excitement but every so often there's those speed bumps of happiness that make you feel alive just for a small amount of time before you go back to the same old road you were on.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

there was something different about you. I don't know if it was the way you could make my day go from absolutely terrible to being one of the best days of my life or if it was how you could make my flaws feel beautiful or how my insecurities were your favorite part of me, but all I know is that there's something about you that I'm never gonna want to let go of. there's something about you that always makes my thoughts go back to you. I don't know what it is about you, but you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

[lovestoryaesthetic]

having depression and anxiety at the same time is so stressful because your anxiety is listing off everything you have to do and how little time you have but your depression is telling you that you don't have enough energy to do them.