peach

twenty-three

[svtpeaches]

Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand

Hayley Williams

April 26th, 2021

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But you can vanquish the demons only when you yourself are convinced of your own worth.

Adeline Yen Mah, Chinese Cinderella: The True Story of an Unwanted Daughter

April 22nd, 2021

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April 17th, 2021

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April 14th, 2021

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Accept who you are; and revel in it.

Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

April 13th, 2021

[svtpeaches]

sleepless

It is currently five in the morning. I am fully awake and dreading it. I have never once pulled an all-nighter and now here I am. I went to bed at midnight and have stayed awake for five whole hours trying desperately to fall asleep. I can’t do it. I am not even tired in the slightest. I will occasionally yawn, but I am wide awake.

I wonder if this is from stress, but I actually had a good day today, which is rare. Maybe my body doesn’t want to go to sleep because I was actually finally happy and I subconsciously wanted to hold on to that. Whatever the case is I hate it.

I just want to sleep but nothing I try is working. I hope the consequences aren’t too bad in the morning, but I have a feeling that tomorrow will be a nightmare. Hopefully I can fall asleep and hopefully sometime soon.

Love, Mia

April 12th, 2021

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April 11th, 2021

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April 10th, 2021

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It’s okay to fall, just don’t fall apart.

Xu Minghao, Seventeen

April 9th, 2021

[svtpeaches]

heavy heart

I am unsure if I am either too emotional or actually facing issues in my life. To be fair I do cry over small things all the time. Lately however I feel like my reaction is warranted. I truly believe that I am not being treated liked I should be treated and that upsets me not because I am being mistreated but because I am heartbroken to be treated like this by people who are supposed to love me.

Being away from many of my loved ones might make this so much harder, but other people who I don’t see regularly are still making an effort and showing me that they love me, so what is the issue here?  

At this point I am just very confused and my heart aches all the time. I have plans coming up soon where I can actually see people again, but do I have to be sad until then? I just need time to fly by and for me to be happy. I really really try to stay positive but I think it’s obvious that i am a glass half empty person. Hopefully I can find things in my life to help me stay on a positive track, but right now I am really struggling.

Love, Mia

April 8th, 2021

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April 7th, 2021

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friendship

I try to not be affected by other people and their relationships. I did not think this was an issue of mine before, but I am now becoming aware of how much other people affect me. I struggle to come to terms that not everyone I meet is going to like me and that my friends are going to have stronger friendships and relationships with other people. It is extremely difficult for me to accept that funnily enough I am not the center of the universe. Everyone else does not exist as elements of my life. 

I have struggled with extreme anxiety my whole life and I have found ways to work through it. Those ways were unhealthy though as I would overlook my problems and focus my attention somewhere else. When it comes to my friendships however, I have realized I can’t ignore how I am feeling anymore. My feelings are valid and important.

This is where I feel stuck. I don’t know how to balance my overthinking about my relationships and my valid issues with my relationships. I want to try to find a healthy way to deal with my relationships but I struggle to tell the difference between real problems and unnecessary things that I have imagined and think are an issue when they are not.

Love, Mia

April 6th, 2021

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I filled my head with thoughts of the future, of infinite possibly. There's someone out there who will one day find me and fall in love with me and prove that all this waiting actually meant something...

Perry Moore, Hero

April 5th, 2021

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normal

I like to think of myself as a free spirit, someone who can go with the flow. In actuality I like things done properly. I enjoy making schedules and organizing everything. That’s what normalcy is for me. However, lately I haven’t been following any type of schedule and it is affecting me badly.

I have an important exam coming up that is necessary to become a teacher and it has been days since I’ve last studied for it. Every time I open a study guide or open an informational video, I lose all motivation and interest. I end up looking at my phone and scrolling through TikTok or I just stare out at the wall daydreaming. It has become such a bad habit that ends up sending me into a stress space where I am anxious and miserable. I know that if I studied more I wouldn’t be as anxious but I am finding it difficult to stay focused.

I know the next step I need to take is to hold myself accountable again and plan out achievable goals for myself everyday. I am just worried that it is to late now. I am afraid that I have wasted too much time and that when I take my test I won’t pass. I need to escape the constant bad thoughts in my head and try to make positive actions to help get myself back on track.

Love, Mia

April 4th, 2021

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April 3rd, 2021

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first entry

I woke up this morning feeling drained and dreading the day. These past few weeks I have felt unmotivated and I have lost interest in many of the things that I truly love. I need to make several changes in my life in order to get over this bump in the road. That is what this blog is for. I believe that if I have a way to express my thoughts openly, hopefully I can start feeling like me again. I know this isn’t a perfect solution, but I think this is a great way to try to improve my current mentality. 

I’m not sure how often I will be posting on here and how long those posts will be. These posts will probably be on array of topics as well, especially as my interests grow. Again, this blog is simply a way for me to express myself, so it will most likely be all over the place!

Since this is my first post, I actually don’t have all that much to talk about. I’m hoping that this post will be the first of many and that this blog will bring me peace of mind. I will end things here for now, but I will be back to posting some time soon!

Love, Mia 

April 2nd, 2021