Author's note: Slight CW for ableism! Shortest chapter moment. Not much for me to say this time around. I do think it's rather funny how the middle section of this story is kinda chill. Let's see how long that lasts :) The first sentence is shown and the rest is under the cut!
As more days passed, more anomalies showed up.
First there was Lucius: a tan redhead with two terrible cowlicks that resembled ears and some of the worst arm posture Lou had ever seen. Not knowing what to do with your hands was one thing, but constantly having them bunched up by your chest was another. It was getting in the way of his training, so Lou tried to offer a word of advice.
“Say, if you stretched your arms out more, maybe you'd be able to reach that ledge easier.”
Lucius peered up from the pile of flour he fell in. He shook his head, sneezing as powder tickled his nose. “Sorry, sir. I tried, but it feels weird to extend my arms.”
“Weird how?” Lou questioned, offering a hand.
Lucius went to grab the hand, face wincing as he reached. “It's not a pain per say, but more of an itch? Like, my body is screaming that it's wrong and that this is right.” He wiggled his bent arm to highlight what he meant.
Lou hoisted the red haired doll to his feet and observed the odd arm arrangement, tilting his head. “I can't say that makes sense. It's quite an anomaly, much like those hideous cowlicks.”
Lucius’s face went red with embarrassment.
Lou smirked. “Considering this behavior is getting in the way of your training, I expect you to unlearn it before you graduate.”
“But sir-” Lucius’s throat croaked when met with a stern glare. He shrunk back, reluctantly relaxing his arms to his side with difficulty. “Yes, sir.”
Lou knew the second he turned away that Lucius’s arms sprung back up. He rolled his eyes.
Then there was Eugene Douglas: a blue haired doll with two first names and a terrible lazy eye.
When he first saw him while greeting newcomers, he assumed he was winking. That wasn't a rare sight for a handsome doll like Lou. A lot of inferior dolls tried to shoot their shot, but he quickly realized that the wink was lasting too long. He raised a brow. “Uh, is your right eye okay?”
“My right what?” Eugene Douglas looked right and gasped. “Oh, that!” He giggled at his own joke. “But seriously, what's wrong with it?”
Lou rippled with fingers in front of the odd eye. “It’s closed. Can you open it for me?”
Eugene Douglas focused, his right eyelid twitching. His face was starting to go red with strain before he gave up with a sharp exhale. “Nope.”
Lou hesitated but reached towards the limp eyelid. “Mind if I?” He carefully pulled at his eyelid, revealing a perfectly intact blue eye.
“Woah! It can do that?” Eugene Douglas gawked.
“Of course it- nevermind. What matters is that your eye is fine. It's just your eyelid that's the anomaly. Noted.” Lou withdrew his hand and wiped it off on his front.
He assumed that'd be all for Eugene Douglas, but that doll really was strange. He'd watch the commercials on the screens constantly, mostly bored before getting really excited then back to bored. Soon the reason showed its ugly head: one of the commercials had a dog in it, and Eugene Douglas was obsessed with dogs.
Obsessed. Crazy for them. He even tried to act like one.
Lou had to interrupt one of his training sessions to inquire about his habit of running on all fours.
“You know you're a doll, not a dog. Right?”
“Yeah, I know, but being a dog is so much more fun!” He pretended to chase a nonexistent tail.
The blond blinked, unamused. “Please, stand up. Your knowledge of dogs is useful, but it's impacting your behavior. That's not pretty.”
Eugene Douglas huffed and stood up on two legs. He buried his hands in his pockets. “Dogs can be pretty.” He muttered bitterly.
“Not in the way we're trying to achieve.”
“True, I guess. Since we’re trying to be more perfect, and you are perfect: that means we're aiming more for ‘hot’ than ‘cute’ aren't we?”
“...Get back to work.”
Next was Bobby: a gray haired doll with bangs that almost looked normal, but two buck teeth poked out from his upper lip.
Lou had seen crooked and misaligned teeth a couple times, but this bad? This combined with Moxine’s missing tooth was starting to worry the blond. Was the factory even trying anymore? Great, more work for him.
Lou cringed the millisecond he saw the flaw while greeting the newcomers for the day. He stared at those buck teeth, mouth agape. “Do I need to say it?” He asked rhetorically.
“Uh, yes?” Bobby replied with uncertainty.
Lou clicked his tongue. “Those buck teeth are so ugly. Are they loose or something?”
Bobby’s brows furrowed and he felt at his front teeth with a finger. He tried to press up into one but flinched. “Ow!”
“Guess not.” Lou sighed. “Yet another anomaly to deal with.”
“Anomaly?” Bobby repeated.
“Yes, anomaly, that's what you are. You have a trait I can't explain; that makes you anomalous.”
When Bobby’s face went paler than it already was, Lou patted his cheek condescendingly. “No need to worry. This will be rectified before you graduate. I just need time.”
“Okay, Mr. Lou.” Even when he frowned, his teeth poked out.
Lou dismissed a few training dolls to rest. As they filed out with droopy limbs, he took a deep breath. He rubbed at his eyes to try and force some life into them.
Ever since Oxford arrived, any progress made in his sleep schedule was undone. He wasn't quite having sleepless nights, but a couple hours wasn't much better. It was quite annoying to say the least. His exhaustion increased with each day, and all these new anomalies weren't helping. Oh well, a problem for later.
Right now, he was curious where Oxford was. He had been keeping his distance from him so as to not make him uncomfortable, but he liked to know his whereabouts. He was tempted to ask the robots to keep tabs on him, but a pair of robot eyes always staring at him would probably make him just as uncomfy.
Lou didn't want to make him upset. Far from it.
He hated seeing him upset, whether it be sad, scared, disappointed, disgusted, or anything in between.
It felt like seeing Ox all over again, and he'd never want Ox to be upset. Not again.
Nevermind that, he had a few areas to check.
He already knew he wasn't at the training grounds, so he tried his house. Seemed empty, so he checked a few rest spots. No green to be seen. The central plaza seemed a natural fit, but he was absent there too. Hm, where was he? Perhaps the library. He wandered the many shelves and never found him. He tapped his foot. Not knowing where Oxford was concerned him. Surely he wasn't avoiding him, right?
He shook his head, filing off to more obscure corners of the facility. The vanity hall? No. The cafeteria? No. The modeling room? No.
His breath quickened. Where was Oxford?
He then smacked the side of his head. Calm down, Lou. The robots could still be of help without stalking the doll. Not that that's what he was doing, of course. Mere concern was never a bad thing.
He approached a robot casually and tapped its shoulder. “Where was the last location Oxford was seen?”
The robot's eyes flashed as it gathered information from the connected database before beeping. “Oxford was last seen by Eugene Douglas's house, sir.”
Eugene Douglas's house? Since when did they talk?
“You're dismissed.”
He marched straight to the “dog” house, ignoring how tired his legs were from constantly walking. He squinted once the house was in sight. Were they outside?
He raised an eyebrow at the scene.
Oxford, Moxine, Lucius, and Eugene Douglas were all gathered in front of a table by the house. Lucius was blowing up balloons, Moxine was tying them, and Oxford was wrapping string around the knots. A dozen or so balloons pooled on the ground, bobbing about lazily. Eugene Douglas occasionally kicked the balloons back towards the table before sitting back down to work on something. His face was stuck in a book, his hands slowly following the instructions. Crochet needles stuck out between his fingers and dark blue yarn was strung about.
Moxine was the first to notice Lou, and she smiled with her teeth before remembering and closing her mouth. “Hey, Lou!”
The rest of the table turned to greet the new arrival.
“What is all,” Lou gestured at the mass of balloons, “this?”
“We're planning a party!” Eugene Douglas answered proudly.
“A party, right.” Lou hid a laugh behind his hand. “A party of four?”
Lucius raised a finger (at least, as high as he was willing). “Actually, it'll be a party of five, sir. Bobby is busy. He shouldn’t be long, though. He stopped by and said you allowed him to leave early since he actually showed up on time for once.” Moxine and Oxford giggled at their friend's antics.
Lou did recall dismissing the gray haired doll from the training grounds before he went on his goose chase. He hummed. “Alright, a party of five. How delightful.”
“Yeah,” Lou was embarrassed at how much he perked at hearing Oxford talk, “I had so much fun at the tea party you hosted that I've been itching to have another one. Moxine said her new friend Eugene Douglas here also liked parties, so we got together and started working.” He held up a balloon by its string, causing it to droop down sadly. He chuckled. “Er, I don't know why the balloons won't float like in the book.”
“You'd need helium for that.” Lou answered easily.
“Oh,” Oxford frowned at his droopy balloon, “where could we get some?”
The blond tapped at his chin. “Can't say I know. The factory doesn't supply us with any. That's probably a good thing, though.”
“Howcome?” Lucius chimed in.
Lou hissed between his teeth. “You see-”
“Hey! Mr. boss man!”
Lou jumped and whipped around at the source of the sudden voice.
That's strange: he didn't recall seeing any orange haired dolls recently. Perhaps this one snuck away before he could greet them as a newcomer. He crossed his arms at her, annoyed at the interruption.
The new doll stomped to a halt in front of him, standing tall with hands on her hips. Her pigtails swung as she tossed her head brazenly. “You're Lou, right?”
“Yes I am.” He replied mutely.
The woman looked him over with an unimpressed stare. “Yeah, checks out. Blond, bossy aura, all peacocked up-”
“Excuse me?”
“Gah!” Another doll came running up, waving his hands around. His buck teeth were unmistakable. “So sorry! I just- woo! You're so fast.” Bobby said to the orange doll, bending over to catch his breath. Lou swore he heard a wheeze. Bobby held his hands together apologetically. “Sorry about her, Mr. Lou! She doesn't get out much. I swear she means no offense by it; she's just blunt!”
The orange haired doll patted Bobby’s head. “Thanks, but I told you I got this.”
She returned her attention to the blond. “Anyway, Bobby here said you might be able to fix my problem.” She pinched at her skirt- wait, pants?
Lou blinked. “Wait, where did you get those?”
“I was given them by the individualization scanner. Which, might I add, made a HUGE mistake! I want a skirt, not some dinky pants!” She patted Bobby’s head again. “Not that they don't look great on you.” Her friend smiled.
“Alright, I hear you.” Lou raised his hands like he was surrendering. “A girl doll made with pants. That is certainly,” he sighed dramatically, “anomalous.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “An anomaly brings a new anomaly to the anomaly party… When did you all start talking?!”
Moxine shrugged. “We just bumped into each other. The fact that we’re anomalies is a coincidence.”
“And for the record, I don’t know who that is.” Eugene Douglas pointed at the orange doll with one of his crochet needles. “Although, I might like to.” His right eyelid twitched, indicating an attempt at a wink.
The orange haired doll chuckled. “I'm not looking for a boyfriend, but I’m flattered.”
“Ah, right!” Bobby took a step forward and beamed. “Guys, this is Wade! She’s the new friend I was telling you all about.”
The anomalies exchanged “ohs” and “ahs” of realization. Oxford stood from his seat and approached Wade happily, his balloon dragging behind him. They shook hands happily. “Nice to meet you, friend! Bobby has mentioned you quite a few times.”
“Better be all good things.” Wade teased.
Moxine gasped. “You should join our party!”
“I stand corrected,” Lucius smiled wide, “we have a party of six!”
Lou looked between all the odd dolls before waving his hands around. “Now, hold on-”
“Oh, Wade should bring some of her baking!”
“Mmh, sounds great!”
“Okay, so we got balloons, activities, and food. What more do we need for a party?”
“There will be no party!”
Everyone turned to Lou with shock.
The blond cleared his throat to distract from his annoyed outburst. “Sorry everyone, but unauthorized parties are not allowed at the Institute of Perfection.”
“Wha- howcome?” Oxford asked, taken aback.
Lou crossed his arms behind his back. “Parties distract from your lessons and training. Not to mention how messy an unorganized party can be.” He kicked a balloon that had wandered over by him.
“Aw, c'mon!" Eugene Douglas held up the crochet project he was working on: a blue beanie with floppy dog ears attached. “But I finally got the hang of this thing! I was going to teach the others.”
“And you still can, just not at a party. Were the ears really necessary, though?”
“Hm, maybe not necessary,” Eugene Douglas slapped the beanie on and pumped his fist in the air, “but integral!”
“I ask you all to please not encourage his ‘dog’ thing. A civilized doll doesn’t sit on a chair like that.” Lou pointed at the blue doll’s feet, which were up on the bench thanks to bent knees meant to resemble a dog’s hind legs while sitting.
Eugene Douglas’s eye went half-lidded with annoyance as he slowly lowered his feet to the ground. He grumbled under his breath.
“Seriously,” Lou started with a sigh, “the Gauntlet is only five days away. You were all created within the timeframe to be able to participate. All you need to be focusing on is completing a course, taking on the Gauntlet, and going to the Big World.” He couldn’t help but focus his glare on Oxford.
Oxford frowned. “We know, but…” He trailed off, his downcast gaze glancing off at nowhere in particular.
Lou’s heart twinged with regret. No, please don’t look like that! He racked his brain to come up with a compromise. Anything to change that expression.
He shared a kind grin. “I’ll tell you what. If each of you can pass a course perfectly, not a speck of dirt on you, before the upcoming Gauntlet, then I will personally host a party for everyone at the Institute.”
Everyone gasped.
Moxine leaned forward in her seat. “Really?”
Lou nodded curtly. “It's the least I can do. Besides, with me in charge, everything will be approved and above board. And, dare I say, a lot more grandiose.” He was amused by their growing excitement, but held up a finger. “But only if you ALL pass.”
“Easy!” Moxine exclaimed.
“I'll try.” Lucius shrugged nervously.
“That's pretty cool of you, dude.” Eugene Douglas shot finger guns.
“A tad stressful, but I like it.” Bobby straightened with excitement.
“I leave my house for five minutes and end up roped into some bet. Can't say I'm not intrigued, though.” Wade crossed her arms.
“You've got yourself a deal, Lou.” Oxford held out his hand.
Lou shook it to seal the deal, ignoring the shiver that ran up his spine. He pulled away a little too forcefully. “You have my word.”
He turned on his heel and sauntered away with his head held high.
“Uh, hellooo?”
He groaned and whipped around. “Can I help you?” He deadpanned, peeved that his dramatic exit was interrupted.
Wade rolled her eyes. “I was promised a skirt.”
The blond coaxed her over with a finger lazily. “Fine, let's sort out this uniform debacle.”
This goes for assholes, too, guys. I know a couple who went tubing once, and they had to re-air their tubes, but the guy thought it would be funny to stick the tip of the air compressor up to her bikini trunks, the air ruptured something inside her and she died within thirty minutes.
Reblogging with a link because I thought this was a legit joke. Never heard it before. Like I knew you could kill a person by inserting air into a vein but still.
As a general rule of thumb, do not push air into any bodily orifice, regardless of gender. It never ends well. Air compressors and the human body do NOT mix.
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