Lana

Men dni | wlw | 18+ | I sometimes write and sometimes don’t

[svxcwo]

my body burns. she makes my body ache. i can’t even imagine breathing without her near. i often stop breathing when she is near and when she isn’t. when i see her pictures pop up on my feed i feel the need to claw my way into her room. to sleep under her bed as she dreams sweetly. i want her. i need her. she needs me. i am the only one to protect her from others like me. if i can’t have her then what is the point of any of it. i love her clothes. her perfume that smells like heaven itself. i fantasize about her needing me. even though i truly need her. i can’t live a day without her. her wish will forever be my command. i will burn this world down if she needs warmth. if she wants me gone then i will go to the ends of the earth to be gone. if she wants me near then i will stitch myself into her skin. she can wear my skin like a suit. i need her. i want her to bury me in her backyard when im long gone. i want to be used in her garden. to be taught right from wrong. i want her.

———

OMG I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD WRITE FOR SOME LIKE X-MEN characters (girls only) but I don’t know who?? also i wrote this as a pathetic reader ☹️

[ghksxodh]

[svxcwo]

CAFE FOREST

You had never felt true love till you met her. Sure you had other lovers but none of them felt strong enough for you to love. Always coming and going as you didn’t know how to love them.

But that was different with her. Meeting her at a cafe that you had just found. Moving into a new part of town that wasn’t all too familiar. You ordered your drink and she was the barista.

That was your thing. You came to the cafe everyday before work and she would make your coffee. Letting nobody else take the order as she wanted to. She knew what you like and didn’t like. And eventually one day after doing this for week, she put her number on the side of the cup with a heart drawn next to it.

You had felt like you were on cloud nine. Getting the pretty barista number that you had been dreaming about? Oh yeah fucking score.

So you texted her back. Trying to seem cool about it even though you were hardly cool. You were a mess through the shared texts and you sounded like such a loser.

“You really do have a way with words!”

She texted to you after you complimented the shirt she wore today. But it was just her uniform that her job required her to wear.

Unknowingly making her laugh behind her screen. Having her smile harder than she had in a long time. Then she set a date. At a spot that wasn’t well known by anyone other than locals. You had agreed and she sent you a location. A meet up spot.

You hadn’t expected it to be so sudden. You knew that you had work tomorrow in the morning. A big meeting. But instead you pushed all of that aside and hearted her message. Getting in your car and meeting her.

Seeing that the location led you to a place you had driven past many times. Never giving it a thought. An abandoned place but the location showed for you to go behind the store. And you did. You saw her there. Standing there with a smile. Not in her work clothes anymore but in casual clothes.

Staring at you with a smile as she held her hand out and closed the gap. Grabbing your hand as she did so. And you let her.

She showed you around. Showing you the hidden spot. Taking your hand as it started to poured down on the both of you. Smiling as the trees took most of the water. Seeing how you held onto her for dear life. You both barely knew each other yet it felt so- right. Like you both knew each other for an entire lifetime.

She pulled away from you for a few seconds as she tilted her head slightly. You stood still and watched her. Seeing how she glowed under the moonlight. How she looked so beautiful. You held your breath as she stool her hands out towards you. Yet you were the one to close the gap.

“Tell me, Y/N. Why did you come with me? Why accept my offer?”

She asked as she stared at you. You didn’t have any words. You could’ve lied and said something along the lines of “Because you’re special” or something that would make others feel entranced. But you didn’t. Instead you gave her a short shrug.

“I don’t know. I just felt like it was right.”

You spoke softly towards her as you saw her eyes close slightly. How her shoulders looked more relaxed. Had she not been before? Did you say something wrong?

You were quiet as you tried to grab her but she pulled away slightly. You froze and she saw it. She gave you a smile as she walked backwards.

“Come or you’ll miss it.”

She said quietly as she started to walk deeper into the forest behind the store. You didn’t know what to feel. What to do as you followed her. Your legs taking you deeper in the forest. Staring at her as she smiled and you did too.

You matched her pace a bit as you stared at her. Your breathing was uneven as you stared at her. Her beauty made you feel more nervous than you have ever been. You were quiet now as you watched her. How she moved effortlessly and with such precision.

The rain had stopped now. But you both were still soaking wet. But that was the least of your worries now.

You had made a wish to stay here forever. To stay in this moment forever. But you knew that life was cruel. That you weren’t the best in relationships. That your mind wasn’t in it but your heart was. And your heart chose to lead your body tonight.

You followed her until you reach a large plot of land. Seeing the stars more clearly from here. The moon and stars were fully out. The moon danced on your skin as it did with hers. You smiled at her. And she smiled back.

You walked over to her and held her hand gently. Pulling her in slightly as she let you. You both tilted your heads as you stared at each other. Pulling in as you both kissed.

The taste of her lips on your were divine. So delicious that you didn’t believe that you had ever tasted something quite like it. You were out of breath as you felt it. You pulled away for a breath of air as you let out a soft huff out.

You both stood like that for a bit. Until she motioned for you both to head back. It was already getting late.

The walk back through the forest was quiet. Yet you both held hands. You walked her to her car first as she parked farther away. Making sure she got to her car safely as you watched her.

“Now you have to plan our next date.”

She said with a grin as you smiled back at her. Oh and you would. You already had a few ideas. You simply nodded towards her as you opened her car door.

“I will. It’ll be the best second date ever.”

You said with a small smile as you played along as she rolled her eyes and got in her car. You waved at her as she waved back before putting her car in reverse then driving off.

You had spent that entire night thinking of her. Of her lips. Of her eyes. Of her voice. Her hair. Her smell. You couldn’t stop. You wanted to but couldn’t. It’s like your mind was stuck on her.

You smiled at the thought of her before getting back to your apartment. Getting ready for bed. Thinking of all of the things you wished to do with her.

The next morning you went to the cafe. You got there a bit too early too. All smiles as you got to the cashier. You looked around for her but she wasn’t there. Weird but maybe she was late? You waited for about 30 minutes before having to leave due to work.

You tried to text her but got no response back. She’s probably busy. Yeah that’s it. Just busy.

You went back the next day and the day after that and after that. Nothing. You hadn’t heard or seen her. And you didn’t want to be the type of customer to ask for her. Nobody even truly knew what you both had been doing.

You were at a loss for words now. Had you done something wrong? Had you said the wrong thing? Was kissing her too much? It was your first date after all. What did you do? Was she never looking for anything serious?

You were back at your apartment. Sulking as you put the news on as background noise. Too worried in your thoughts that you missed a report. A report that would’ve help you had clarity.

“Women found in the back alley of Southern Cafe. Authorities report that the woman was robbed then shot as something had gone wrong. The suspect has turned himself in-“

You weren’t paying attention. You weren’t in the slightest aware of anything that was happening. That the girl you had just fallen in love with in the span of weeks had been dead.

Instead you pushed it as you being too much. That you asked for too much again. That you were just ruining a relationship for yourself like always.

[svxcwo]

Drunk Desire

———

You woke up in a daze. Didn’t feel much. How many drinks did you have? Did you even go out last night. Your head hurt badly. It hurt to even think. So you didn’t. You rose from your bed or what could be your coffin by how badly your head hurts. You turn to see a woman with dark hair in your bed but it’s too dark in the room to see who it is. But you do know that you certainly didn’t know that woman. And as you look around the room- this is definitely not your apartment.

Something here isn’t adding up. But honestly none of that mattered right now. You have to get back to your apartment. You have to get ready for work. Shit- your boss will fucking freak out if you don’t show up. Especially since you already called off way too many times already this month.

You stand up and search for your clothes in the darkness. Trying to have a feel around. Trying to get your eyes adjusted to the darkness as you bang against something and let out a curse as the woman groans and shifts in the bed.

“Y/N? What the fuck are you doing?” You heard the woman in the bed say- wait a fucking second. You know that voice from anywhere. You know that voice. Is that-

“Y/N it’s 3 in the fucking morning.” She grumbles as she looks at the clock then shifts to look at you. You have your shirt half on and in your underwear. Your pants are somewhere in this room and no sign of your bra. You look a mess right now.

“Hey- you.” You say back to her quietly. There was no way you were in your ex’s new apartment right now. No fucking way. You have grown as a person and moved on. Didn’t you?

She raises an eyebrow at you with a small smile. “Y/N you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She teases in that voice of hers. Like she is the most softest person ever but in reality she’s far from it. You’ve seen it first hand. Or maybe just with you, she’s like that.

Her love turns bitter after a while. It’s no longer her love but her control over you. That is the whole reason why you broke up. Isn’t it? No. You still have a headache. You need to leave. Everything hurts. Your heart hurts now which you didn’t even think could happen.

“Listen I’m going to go-“ You start to say as she stares at you a bit confused and bewildered. She looks as if she is the one surprised at this. Like she actually didn’t think that you would be the one to leave. “Leave? After tonight?” She asked as she stared at you. A hurt look in her eyes as she watched you continuously look for your pants. She let out a frustrated noise as she turned on the night lamp that was next to her.

You hissed as you felt your headache get slightly worse at the light being turned on. “What are you-“ you started to say but your voice dies down when you look at her. Seeing her body full of lipstick kisses. Oh. So it did happen.

Fuck.

“You’re going to leave after tonight?” She said again as she gave you a look of surprise and disappointment. You could barely even look at her now. You knew it was wrong. You knew that you shouldn’t feel bad here. You left her for a reason.

“Yeah. I have to go.” You said quietly as you picked up your shoes that were across the room. Leaning over and picking them up. She watched you find you pants and quickly put them on. Watching you put your shoes on as you didn’t look back at her.

But you felt it. Her stares as she let out a huff of air in annoyance. She believed that you would come back to her. As if she had any right to you. But she didn’t.

You made a dumb mistake coming back to her. To sleep with her. To make it seem like the both of you were still with each other.

“Close the door on your way out.” She said as she turned the light back off and turned around on the bed. She didn’t even fight it. Why would she? She didn’t truly care for you. You were merely a plaything for her. Something for her amusement.

You didn’t say anything back to her as you didn’t even bother to look for your bra. Just wanting to leave quickly. You closed her bedroom door as you left. Seeing your jacket on the floor in the living room. Grabbing it and putting it on.

You left her new apartment as you tried not to think about it. It was one stupid mistake. Nothing else will come out of this. Right?

[svxcwo]

Why must I suffer?

———

this is in fact part two!!

———

You smiled as you posed for your wedding picture. She was next to you all smiles. In a beautiful white dress. This day was perfect. It was going to be perfect.

You saw how she kept talking to a certain woman that you didn’t know. Laughs shared between them and brief soft glances. Unaware how they held hands in more than a friendly matter.

You didn’t say anything as it could be a friend’s of hers. Surely not anything else. So with that in mind you walked over to your friends who all have you sympathy smiles even though you didn’t know why.

You shrugged it off. You saw so many red flags but on your wedding day? Those were merely small flags that didn’t matter. So you kept on. You ignored it all. You just had to make sure you got married at the end of it.

So as you walked down the aisle, you stood next to the man who marry you and your future wife. You were smiling as you waited. And waited. But she never showed.

It’s a bit weird. You saw her only a few minutes before you had walked. Now it seemed like none of that mattered. You just wanted to see her. Maybe she got nervous.

You looked out in the crowd and how everyone looked around with pity glances. But you saw it in their faces. They all knew. Maybe even earlier than you did. Well clearly so.

You had never felt so embarrassed. You couldn’t take it. Running out of the venue. Ignoring your mother’s voice as you ran into your car that was park in front of the venue. Scrambling to get your phone out of your car. Not caring that your clothes were getting smudges all over them.

You tried to call her over and over again even though she never picked up. She never answered or called back. She was gone.

You had lost her. Or maybe you never even had her.

[svxcwo]

Sweet Dreams

———

You grumbled as you were laying on the couch. Hearing her in the other room practically shuffle around in the bed. This could all be resolved if either of you apologize. It was a stupid argument but you both have your pride.

You try to sleep but you miss her warmth. Her cold hands that graze under your shirt as it’s the only place her hands seem to go. Hearing her soft snores as you lean into her neck while sleeping. Oh how you missed that.

But if you want that then that means you have to apologize first and there is no way in hell you’ll do that. So instead you just will sleep uncomfortably.

It’s maybe only a few minutes before you’re getting off the couch and making your way back silently into the shared bedroom. She’s sitting up with a look of surprise and somewhat relief as she realizes that you are in the doorway. Looking all disheveled like her.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble out as you walk over to your side of the bed and get under the sheets. Scooting closer to her as you breathe her in and try to fall asleep. You can hear her mumble something but it’s incoherent as you’re on the edge of sleep.

Unaware that she had actually asked you to leave the bed. That her eyes weren’t filled with love but rather detachment. Not seeing the her phone was on low brightness but was in her lap. Messaging someone else with heart emojis. Someone that wasn’t you.

[svxcwo]

I can’t forget you

———

Waking up to an empty bed was something you had started to get accustomed to. Waking up alone and cold in the sheets that once brought you comfort of someone else’s warmth was gone. But hey that’s life right?

You get off your bed and head to the bathroom. Hearing your cat shuffle somewhere in the small apartment as it brings you some comfort.

Walking into the terrible lit bathroom that could use a few new bulbs- but who has money for that? You grab your toothbrush and toothpaste and start to brush your teeth. Fixing your hair with one hand and brushing your teeth with another.

You can almost see her in the other room. Watching you. Making small groan sounds as the light would be bothering her. Mumbling soft “tune the light off” or “baby come back to bed” which would always have you finishing up quickly. But now?

Silence.

That’s all that you can hear now in your small alone apartment. The silence is what kills you the most you think. Not hearing her laugh. Not smelling her.

Jesus. You were doing fine before her so what changed. What did she change in you? But you’re fine. At least that’s what you’ll tell yourself anyways.

You finish brushing your teeth and head over to your closet. Half of her clothes that you stole are still on your side of the closet. You haven’t even moved those clothes. Trying to persevere anything you can that if left of that relationship.

You change as you are almost out the door. Almost. That’s before you see her coffee mug still in the sink. Dirty. She always did have a hard time to get to that. She always said that you were better at that. Well none of that matters now.

Cause she’s gone. And there is nothing you can do to get her back.