SwanAlby

''We only come in this world to encounter pain''

[swanalby]

What being in relationship feels like for me

[swanalby]

I can’t fucking break hearts, i wish i could

—I would break and burn my own first

[lexci-luther]

4-29-2024

Even for a moment

I’m hurt. I’m envious. I’m sad. I feel like my friends are forgetting who I am. Maybe it’s just 1 am. I want to disappear to the woods, and tend to flowers and fauna. Where no one can hurt me. I think I’ve become too sensitive. I wasn’t always like this. Or maybe I was just younger. I want to be loved the way people should be loved. I want to crawl away into the dark and hide. She asks if I’m ok, I say I am but I’m not. I want to tear the tendons from my limbs, break apart so that they can see there’s nothing holding me together anymore. The will to hold myself together is slipping and I want for someone to see. To see me and hold me together just so I can rest. Even for a moment, I’m not as strong as I appear. Yearning is a dreadful thing. Something you long to have within eyesight but out of reach, looking me in the eyes telling me I’ll never hold it in my hands because I could never come close enough. Is my future that way too? Am I always going to think for even a moment that I could be something I was never written to be. Losing myself the moment my tendons tore away, the sense of freedom that I wouldn’t be forced to give everything to something I hated. But now I have nothing, even if I hated it. I have no more talents to exploit. Just hold me for a moment before my pieces lose their composure. I can only put myself back together so many times before my hands are gone, the pieces lost to the waves of a deepening sea of hurt and loss. When will they flow to the end of the river, in a mix of flowers and fauna, to be found by someone who can match the pieces and hold me together. Even for a moment.

Crickets chirp outside

The sound lost behind my eyes

Soon they turn quiet

- unknown

[c0ssette]

 James Pradier (1790-1852)  Satyre et Bacchante,detail.

[swanalby]

how many times will i mourn you?

[b0ng-rips-and-tits-deactivated2]

i want someone to be so unbelievably obsessed with me that they can’t stop themselves from touching me

[y2kaee]

[eospaint]

“But I still don’t know how to fix myself.” “There’s nothing broken to be fixed,” he said fiercely.” ― Sarah J. Maas, A ​Court of Silver Flames

[flittermousemoth]

Self-aware of my self-destruction, yet unable to stop myself.

[itstimetomotivate]

[1anonyymous1]

i want to be soft again but i have so much anger in me 

[metaphor-for-the-dead]

I don't think I've ever been soft.

[swanalby]

If I can't hold you like a lover, I won't hold You at all

[swanalby]

my desire to be loved has brought me nothing but pain

[pastart]

@samjsn (2023)

[11-9n]

Amy Hempel, Cloudland

[stuckinapril]

“aren’t you supposed to be—” i’m supposed to be a lot of things but disappointing is my hidden talent

[rosariumpartone]

quote from Rosa, Rosa

[mmaryoliver]

[Text ID: How did my existence turn out so dull, so bland? /End ID.]