Ophelia (detail) Astley David Middleton Cooper
YOU ARE THE REASON
sheepfilms
DEAR READER
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Keni
Jules of Nature
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
occasionally subtle

#extradirty

if i look back, i am lost
todays bird

Janaina Medeiros

shark vs the universe

Product Placement
Claire Keane
Stranger Things
cherry valley forever

Love Begins

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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

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@sweet--potato
Ophelia (detail) Astley David Middleton Cooper
— vladimir nabokov, in a letter to his wife [24 march 1937] from letters to véra (trans. olga voronina & brian boyd)
[via]
Ed Mell, Iris, oil on canvas
not alive not dead but a secret third thing (chronically ill)
Yesterday my favorite professor (disease, virology, & research) told us a story that happened to her this week when she was grading or research proposals, how she decided to stop grading them to go home and have dinner with her family, and while they were eating her 9 month old daughter are her green beans by herself for the first time, she was able to pick them up and feed them to herself. And it made my professor think about our proposal papers and how we’re all going to be entering the workforce soon, and how suddenly we were once able to eat our green beans on our own and now suddenly we’re capable of researching and working and graduating. And it was a really nice story she told it 10x better than I just did but now when I’m having a nervous breakdown I can think, I’m worthy, I can accomplish this, I can eat my green beans.
Saw my gyno today to have my annual pap check up and decided it was time to take more control over my doctors appointments the way I’ve been learning to do at my (incredible) internship at CreakyJoints.
To start off, we discussed my frequent yeast infections, something I’ve been having a hard time getting rid of for reasons unknown, despite taking all of the recommended prescription medications.
My gyno decided it would be best to get me tested for diabetes, which can also be a complication of rheumatoid arthritis. Apparently symptoms of diabetes are yeast infections. This scares me because this could potentially be another fucking health problem. It blows my mind how healthy I’ve always kept myself yet have all of these health problems. But I’m also thinking worst case scenario. I don’t even know the results yet.
We also discussed creating a pregnancy plan for me because I have an autoimmune disease. He’s setting me up with one of his perinatologists (specialist for high risk pregnancies) just to discuss different methods of pregnancy (or not pregnancy) that would be ideal with my condition and medical history. Women with my condition have a higher risk of developing heart disease after birth, amongst other complications. So even though it’s going to be years before I plan on being a parent, I want to know what I’m in for.
On a lighter note, we discussed how I frequently experience pain during sex, I described my pain and said I’ve talked to a gyno at Planned Parenthood who told me it could be muscular. My gyno assured me I have great muscles down there and literally prescribed me more sex. That’s the best prescription I’ve ever gotten! ;)
This was a post from about 7 years ago and I'm here to update saying that my pain with sex got worse and so did everything else related to my vagina and I found out this year via surgery that I have endometriosis vaginismus and vulvodynia lol fuck that doctor who told me to just "have more sex"
No matter how much specialized therapy I get I don't think I'll ever not have an eating disorder but like at least this therapist diagnosed me with OCD (already had a soft diagnosis but it was never a focus in therapy)
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Doin alright otherwise
This is a good representation of my life now
Felt this wild anxiety in my chest/throat while driving an hour to work through the valleys of central California.... like I needed to yell or laugh or vomit so I opened my windows going 70mph and yelled at the top of my lungs. It was so cathartic I can’t explain it. This energy work I’ve been doing with my healer has opened up so many blocked portals I never knew I could access. I can’t wait to talk to her about this tomorrow. We’re exploring astral projection and sleep paralysis tomorrow too I’m hella scared lol.
High carb, high refined, nuts and grains cause ibs hon. Fruit is easier to digest then a peanut
I don’t eat nuts and fruit ruins my intestines
(Unless it’s like, cooked carrots or baked apples)
Thought I could learn to manage my IBS attacks by limiting the amount of fruits & veggies I eat (learned in my support group that everyone else with IBS does this too- the wellness community is so ableist lol), so today I didn’t eat any fruits or veggies (breads, bland meat, rice, broth- basically the BRAT diet seems to work best minus bananas) but I did eat dark chocolate and black tea so I’m a fucking idiot and now it’s 2am and my colon is screaming.
Funny stupid crazy shit keeps happening to me I can’t wait to write my autobiography