170409 really really | mino
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@syjunseo-blog
170409 really really | mino
🍸 + Share one confession.
( DRUNK QUESTION MEME | accepting )
the alcohol that already runs through his veins makes everything seem cloudier, his grip on the glass slack, his eyes unfocused with the number of drinks he just had. the first ones were fine, a little bit of tipsiness to put a nonchalant grin on his face, enough to make him giddy but most of his senses were intact. the more he drinks, the more alone he feels, inside of his own head, with thoughts he hasn’t thought of in a long time. it seems as if all of his reservations and self-preservation has taken time off, and he is left with the void. that and bits and pieces of memories, things his clouded mind manages to conjure. the reason perhaps doesn’t lie behind the drinks that don’t stop but it’s yihan’s question that fires the sudden bout of eeriness, grin dropping immediately, his hold tightening around the glass as he pours more alcohol into it.
it is a difficult question, and his mind doesn’t seem to want to find something funny, or empty laughs. it is a completely and utterly drunk junseo that seems to want to spur out the most real of confessions, the fears, or more likely the unspoken truth that lingers in his head. the truths that are pushed way back, an unconscious effort made every single day to do so. now with all of that out of the table, junseo is left vulnerable, and there is only one thing that leaves his lips, silent enough as he looks down. “i’m not sure if i can save anyone.” there it is, the huge burden on his shoulders, the fact that he is only worthy of anything if he could offer some kind of salvation to his dear ones. but what was he really ? who was he to try to save things that could not be saved ? there is a voice inside his head just like everyone’s, and while the every day junseo has more than enough practice shutting it out, this time it seems like it is taking the wheel, in shape of the liquid that burns and goes down his throat.
"i couldn’t — i couldn’t even help my dad you know ? he still doesn’t even speak to me —" he almost spits out the words, but the hatred isn’t directed at the man, nor the alliance or even the war itself. it’s directed at his own being, years of study that ended up in vain. three years of psychology, almost ten years of practice now. extra lessons, lectures and seminars after one another that should have taught him how to help, should have taught him how to understand others. but when it comes down to the reality, nothing changed, and he is left as that boy who entered the med bay with high hopes but left the room with blood staining in his hands. stains that never managed to wash away. sometimes, as awful it was, he had wished his dad was left with visible scars instead, those he could stitch up, those he could understand. but a mind closed to the world, a mind that was so welcoming and kind to him turning into nothing but cold iron, junseo is so helpless even the thought of it makes him want to cry.
“so yeah. i don’t think im a good psychologist. a doctor maybe, but no matter how much i try, i don’t seem to help anyone out here. everyone seems to —” he shrugs, one word slurring after the other, his sentences turning around the same few things. being a doctor is much more difficult than he ever thought it would be, it is worth it — he still thinks it’s worth it, but he can’t help but think that these people deserve someone better. with more experience, someone who can really reach out to their hearts. every attempt of his that ends in failure burns, and even though he should be numb to that at this point, it doesn’t get any easier. he can’t be numb. deaths, injuries, none of the things get easier over time, but the difference between him being a doctor before was that there was always something he could do. let it be disinfecting a wound, or simply changing some bandages, he was doing something, he was worth having there as a doctor. and now, in serenity, there is a huge burden on his shoulders that he can’t shake, the constant fear that his friends, the people he cares about aren’t letting him in, and it is all his fault. if something happens, he knows it will be his fault. and without anything constant to do, what is he worth really ? absolutely nothing. he is a doctor, and that’s all he can offer. and with so many bumps along the way, people pushing and only pushing, junseo doesn’t know what to do. he can’t seem to let the helplessness go. and it all comes to self worth, wanting to do something but failing to do so. and to him, that only means he isn’t good enough. never good enough for these people who have gone through hell. with a small sigh, he closes his eyes shut, and rests his head on the desk before he mutters. “i don’t know what i’m doing here sometimes.”
KANG JUNSEO ( @syjunseo ) | URSA MAJOR
good people are like candles they burn themselves up to give others light
Keep reading
rumor has it you cry at kid movies
( RUMOR HAS IT… MEME | accepting )
“yes i do.” he accepts it without any preamble, followed by a curt nod. “and i bet that doesn’t even have to be a rumor because people have seen me cry on one of the movie nights. they’re just — emotional you, know ? are you telling me you haven’t cried watching toy story 3 ? or worse — the bridge to terabithia ?” he shudders at the mention of the last one, shrugging. “so yes, i do cry at kid movies.” or many other movies for that matter, but he doesn’t add that bit.
Rumor has it you've even got Sullivan forcing vitamins on people!!
( RUMOR HAS IT… MEME | accepting )
“maybe so.” he proudly grins at that, and probably just going off from his reaction, it’s easy to say that, yes, he has sully on his side, which shouldn’t be such a surprise, not really. “i won’t be releasing the details of our plan just yet. you’ll have to wait and see.” the plan is simply sul asking people to take their vitamins instead, but it sounds cooler when put this way, so that’s what junseo goes with.
Rumor has it you're out here accosting people with vitamins
( RUMOR HAS IT… MEME | accepting )
“that’s true.” junseo lets out and squints, meeting jaewon’s eye dead on, his gaze not even wavering. “they’re vitamins, and it’s not my fault almost everyone on this ship is so dead-set on not taking care of themselves. if they are not going to eat the healthy food eph makes, they are going to have to take some vitamins. it’s a way to keep them healthy, so i’m doing it.”
Rumor has it that you have an anime body pillow.
( RUMOR HAS IT… MEME | accepting )
“you mean a dakimakura ?” he lets out, raising an eyebrow as he pretends to think. he isn’t all too offended by it, and replies after a pause. “not on serenity, no.” the truth is, he might have gotten one as a joke, once, in the past, as a gift from a friend back in ariel. but it was too creepy for him to keep around after a few days so he threw it in the trash. it was gone way too soon, and he prefers not thinking about what happened to it. plushies and toys on the other hand ? he has a few, but likes to refer to them as action figures, or limited edition figurines.
Rumor has it you have "Earth-That-Was" style and yet not cortex games. Can I see them?
( RUMOR HAS IT… MEME | accepting )
“ooh yes i do have a few old consoles — i searched a lot for them, a few were for gifts for my birthdays, sold off from auctions i think. they still work though — we can even play a few games if you want !” junseo lets out with a grin, happy that someone has taken an interest in the collection he is so proud of.
rumor has it you are saving yourself for sullivan
( RUMOR HAS IT… MEME | accepting )
when he reads the words on the paper, he chokes on thin air, looking around to see if anyone’s around. it’s another way of asking if he’s a virgin, he knows, and the meaning of it is enough to make him blush, his whole face turning red at the private question. he has figured out he’s demisexual a while ago, it’s something he accepted, and in his case, it means that he’ll sleep with someone if he feels a romantic connection to them. and in his previous encounters… the dates he went to hadn’t gone anywhere more than a month tops, and even though his grandparents had forced him to date people, and probably marry them, junseo had managed to steer away from that so far. so, although he is embarrassed about it, he scribbles a ‘maybe’ underneath the paper as an answer. because it is the truth if he thinks about it. he hasn’t opened his heart in such a way to anyone else before. before anyone can read it though, he crumbles it and tosses it in the trash. it’s private, and while he might be open about almost everything, he isn’t so comfortable about talking his sex life, or well, his non-existent sex life.
"Rumor has it that doctors know the most efficient way to cause pain. Could you teach me?"
( RUMOR HAS IT… MEME | accepting )
“that rumor might be true but i — i can’t do that, i’m sorry nine. my job isn’t hurting people, it’s healing them. i can’t teach someone to hurt another person. i took a hippocratic oath. first do no harm.” his words are serious, affronted by the fact that he is asked such a thing. he’s a pacifist, he doesn’t like harming people, and would never do so unless it was to save an innocent person. even then, he doesn’t think he can live with that in his conscience easily. it’s a reason why he’s glad he worked at the medical bay in the base, and not on the field. it leaves a horrible scar on people, and as selfish it might be of him, he’s glad it isn’t something he has been through. the people he lost on the stretcher have a huge toll on him anyway, every life that was lost that he couldn’t save, every family member someone wouldn’t see anymore. it’s tough, and junseo wouldn’t dare do anything to inflict more pain upon others.
Send “Rumor has it...” And a rumor about my muse
I care. I care a lot. It’s kinda my thing.
Leslie Knope (via 5weetsorrow)
( birthday gift by park kinam ! )
Things had been rather quiet from Junseo’s side, something Kinam knew he only had himself to blame for. It happened all the time, the pushing and pulling before they finally gave up on him and let him wallow in his self-pity. It’s how he liked it. It’s what he had grown used to. There had been a change of heart, however. Maybe it was the aftermath of the comet still coursing through his veins, but there was an urge lingering inside of him. A part of him that wanted to make it right and there was only one way he knew how: food.
So, he acted as soon as the news of Junseo’s birthday reached his ears. Fashionably late with this ‘present’ as one would say, but he hoped it would be the sentiment that counted. Stealing a slice of vanilla cake out of Ephy’s fridge and sticking one single candle, a real one unlike the matchsticks Kinam’s parents used for his - or the lacking of - birthday cakes, in the middle of the slice. Sweaty hands clutching the plate as he carried it out of the kitchen.
Kinam was greeted by an abandoned medical bay, gratitude washing over him instantly and relaxing his muscles. He hadn’t thought this far through. He wouldn’t have known what to have said if he had come eye to eye with Jun. Instead, he placed the plate on Junseo’s desk, turning on his heels and exiting the practice as quickly as he had come. Leaving Junseo with nothing but the foundation of their friendship to figure out the gifter’s true identity.
although junseo has always been stubborn to the point of being downright annoying, there is only so much he can take before he stops bothering the person. kinam’s question and their brief talks was an example for that, that junseo wasn’t welcomed next to the older, and possibly all of his attempts of trying to help, the friendship they had, — all of it was something he had conjured up in his mind. at least that’s what he believed after all that happened, and while it does upset him a lot, he doesn’t want to bother his chipmunk-hyung any longer. so he simply stops; stops reaching out so much, stops his nonsensical visits to the cockpit to feed and have conversations with kinam.
with everything that has happened during and after the comet, and then his birthday that has come and went by, the previous week seems longer than it actually is. junseo’s not complaining however, it’s for the good this time. he is content, happy, even though it feels awkward to stumble into kinam every once in a while, he supposes he can live with that. it’s a day he took a quick break to get something to eat with sul, and when he goes back to the med bay, he is met with a sight that he doesn’t expect to see. he looks around to figure out who it might have been, and when he sees no one in the empty room, he knows who it is. there isn’t any doubt about it. who could bring him a cake and escape as soon as they leave it ? who could be reaching out to him with food, which is the only thing him and the older have been on the same page about. maybe it wouldn’t be clear to anyone else, but that’s the thing, it’s something that’s between them, and so so kind of a gesture that there’s a huge smile on his face as junseo steps forward and blows the candle.
he hesitates for a moment in front of the desk, unsure if he should go and search after the other — the hesitance is only for a second, however, because this, this feels like an olive branch, one that has him smiling from one ear to ear. it’s not just a cake but that maybe they are friends after all, that all he has between him and kinam haven’t been in vain, that the older has listened to him all along. and who knows ? maybe even cares a little. with long strides he rushes towards the cockpit, glad that it’s only the older there and the yihan isn’t present for the time being. “chipmunk hyung !” is what leaves his mouth in a loud exclamation, and he rushes forward and hugs him from behind his chair without an explanation. he knows hugging him normally wouldn’t lead to anything, so this seems like the perfect middle way, a huge grin on his face as he wraps his arms tight from behind. “thank you.” he lets out, too close before pulling back. and knowing kinam and his distaste for confrontation, he pulls back afterwards. “i’ll see you for breakfast tomorrow !” and before giving him a chance to reply, he runs back to the medbay, his smile wide and giddy.
Sullivan slowly turned the door knob, biting his lip to hide a giddy smile when the door opened silently. The room was dark; only Jun’s soft breathing and a gentle purr audible inside. Sullivan crept toward the bed, heart pounding as he crawled over his boyfriend and laid down on him, nuzzling his face against his neck. “Hyungie~ happy birthday~” he whispered sweetly, still in his pajamas and sleepy of course but eager to give him the first of those twenty-six (at least) birthday kisses. 😘
chewie on his bed, and jun on his own, he’s clad in only his pajama bottoms and a blanket sprawled over his figure, having fallen asleep about an hour ago. he has been feeling… more at peace lately, and luckily to him, it is one of those nights he has finally managed to fall asleep, and peacefully. so it’s one of the rare times he sleeps so heavily too, a dreamless rest that he is grateful for. that’s why he doesn’t hear the door open until the mattress right next to his figure dips down, caused by someone who surely isn’t his cat. he’s groggy for a moment, though the sudden warmness is nothing if not welcomed. although it hasn’t been that long, his arms come up as if it’s second nature, his eyes opening slowly to see his boyfriend on top of him. a content noise leaves his throat, and he has to blink a few times to realize it’s not an amazing dream, but reality.
his voice is hoarse from sleep as he speaks, but gentle as ever. “hey there — thanks so much baby.” the pet name falls from his lips as one hand goes up to sully’s hair, to run his fingers through the soft strands, pull him closer to his side. he maneuvers on the bed slightly to make them more comfortable and he continues to hold him tight, impossibly close, a proximity that he loves so so much. a sleepy sul by his side is possibly the best gift he would ever want to get, and a cheeky grin spreads to his lips when he meets sul’s eyes, the dim light coming from the windows next to his bed. “are you going to give me my birthday present perhaps ?” he lets out, a small hum and a huge smile before he leans forward expectantly. sul’s expression is so cute that he can’t help himself planting a kiss on his nose before he pulls back, expecting to get one of his many gifts for the day.
Heart in His Hands [ SM & KJS ]
sysullivan:
( ... )
The string led Sullivan around a few turns until finally, he realized its origin. In one of the ship’s far corridors was a closet-sized cubby, a little-known nook with a porthole; perfect for spying enemy ships or observing passing comets with your destined love. Sullivan struggled to swallow the lump in his throat and crept the last few steps until he edged around the entryway. He looked terrified, he was sure, and deeply sorry for it, but as soon as he saw who was waiting for him, he was on the verge of losing his composure completely.
“Hyung!” he choked out, chin already trembling, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper with a squeak at the end.
the past few weeks have been particularly difficult, less sleep leading to more thinking and that following up with a sense of anxiety and nervousness junseo simply couldn't shake. since the day that sul came to the medical bay, the hope that he buried down deep has resurfaced, questions running through his mind, the what-ifs, that foolishly optimist part of him that says that maybe, just maybe sul likes him back. after sul’s arrival to the medbay, he had ran tests and having seen that nothing was wrong, that was all he could think about, the feelings he had for the boy for so long, his acceptance that sul would never love him like that. but then, then sul had come barreling in, so hurt and pained that junseo would do anything in his power to make it stop, give him the happiness he deserves so much. could it be ? should junseo finally open up to his feelings while the fear of losing him was so close at bay ?
truth to be told, he doesn't think he could bear losing sul a third time, he doesn't think he can survive it, and even he manages to live through that, he knows that he won't be the same. it's the reason why he's so so afraid, helpless, unsure — what if he puts sul in an uncomfortable situation after all they have been through, destroy the beautiful friendship they have for his selfish desires ? that was all he thought in the past two years, his hands flittering too close to the other, heart always a bit too open, desperate to be around him, to know that he was well and happy. if not for the recent developments of sul coming to him, junseo knows he wouldn't consider this at all, but since that occasion, that's all he could think of. that maybe he means something to sul, something more than just friends.
it is a special day, it truly is, the day of yue lao's string, valentine's day, the day that comet will pass by them maybe once in their short lifetimes. and what more poetic than to confess his feelings to sul that day ? it's not something they will witness soon for a long time, and it feels fitting, to finally open up about how he has been feeling since they were kids, hopeful, innocent, dancing in the moonlight. sul's special to him, has always been, and always will be. he deserves the best and junseo will fight tooth and nail if anyone were to disagree with that, the pacifist he normally might be. he know he isn't the best, never will be but the fate seems to have woven them a path, and he knows he has to take his shot, at least give sul the chance to know about the truth. junseo has never been someone too religious, yet he fully believes that fate has brought them together so many times, the first night in londinium at that event, then after all those years in ariel, then back in serenity. their paths have crossed in such ways that junseo can't call it a simple coincidence, and the fact that sul came to the medbay mere weeks before the comet tells something to junseo as well. maybe it's his mind trying to find a reason, but be that as it may, it's going to be the night he opens up his heart, bear his soul open in more ways than one.
of course, many, many preparations were due — not only because he knows sullivan would adore a romantic gesture, but because it is a special night, and nothing less would suffice. he has been planning this the entirety of the past few weeks, making up a speech, writing it and practicing it over and over again. the old speech he wrote so many years ago has been revised for the better, and his nervousness only increases as the time passes. he stands there in the middle of the room, the decorations he put up has been thought of in detail. there are windows to watch the comet pass by, and he also has taken a great time to pick up a good outfit. he knows sul prefers things on the formal side, and it is only proper for something like this. so junseo has worn a dark red suit, the white shirt crisp underneath the suit jacket. there's a brighter red coat on top of the suit, and his hair is styled, pushed to the back. the only piercings he is wearing are the ones on his ear. simple to fit with the suit, not wanting to seem as if he isn’t taking it seriously. it took a long time to dress up, wanting to make sure he looked just right. he still isn't sure if sul's into him like that — he has doubts but he knows he has to look his best if he wants to impress the younger.
he stands there, one end of the string on his ring finger, his eyes glued there as he waits. waits for it to move, waits for sul to pull it slightly to show him that he is on his way. the moment it moves, he holds his breath, his hands begin to shake as he looks up, waiting for him to come to the room. it happens after what feels like an eternity, and as he always does, sul takes his breath away, or well, what was left of it. sul looks scared, terrified even — and it sends that pang through the doctor's chest, making him worry that maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, maybe the sweet, kind sullivan is going to be forced to listen to him ramble about something he does not care about. the self-doubt is always there in his mind, but after weeks of practice, he knows he has to let everything out, for the sake of both of them, of a future that might happen, and the long past between these two. he wants to open a new page, he really does, and it feels like the start of that as he opens his mouth.
one hand pulls the string gently, softly so that sul knows he's pulling him towards himself, and junseo tentatively meets his eyes, gives him a soft and gentle smile. "hello sul, i — " for a short second he feels like he has forgotten everything, how to start, how to begin explaining the thunder in his mind. his stomach turns into a knot the moment he sees him, there, in front of him, as gorgeous as ever.
"i wanted to talk to you, in private. i need to tell you about something — something that has been affecting me for a long time and i — as scared as i might be — i want to tell you the truth. you deserve to know the truth." his breath shakes mid-sentence, and it takes a herculean amount of effort for him not to stutter. "before i start, i want you to know that, whatever your decision might be, it doesn't have to change anything if you don't want to — it's, it's about you sul, and the last thing i want is to make you uncomfortable. i just want you to listen to me because i — because i have some things to say."
his hand shakes over his suit pocket where the speech is written on a paper, but he knows it by heart, there's no need to read it from there. it's just the nervousness getting to him, and he doesn't want to leave sul hanging for long, he deserves better — he deserves everything good and all junseo wants is to give it to him. "remember the night we danced ? i was looking so unsure, so out of my element between all these new people, not knowing how to dance, fresh out of boros and so so excited to talk to new people ? you pulled me away to teach me how to — and a surprise to us both, i got the hang of it pretty well, if i may so myself." he lets out a short laugh at that, one shaking hand going up to fix his hair.
"i didn't know then, i was probably too young to put a name to what i was feeling but i — that was when i knew i wanted to be around you, spend time with you. world has thrown so much at us — i - i don't want to talk about the bad things in a day as beautiful as this but you sul — you mean so much to me, it's so so hard to explain. but i will try to. do you remember the video you sent me ? you playing the piano shortly before your birthday ? it has to be one of the most beautiful things i have ever listened — next to your laughter that rings throughout the end. i played it so many times, sul. so many times when you were gone, so many times through the war. me, who has no idea about music at all, i could swear that i have memorized every note in that song. it was all i had to hang on to you — and that night, when i — when i called your mother ? i was intending to do this right then, so many years ago, but fate didn't give us a chance to. the music box, i carved our initials under it with a heart, the song that i loved and memorized so quickly just because it came from you — i was hoping to open up to you then. and i — after what happened, i didn't know if i would ever have the chance to see you again. hear that laughter i loved so much."
his eyes water but he blinks the tears away, not wanting to ruin the whole night by speaking of wounds they both have. "then you came back to me — fate brought you back to me. back to ariel, and i — i have never worried more in my entire life. i didn't have the chance to open up to you again either, i — i just wanted to help and the fact that i didn't hurt me more than anything else could —" it's a part that he cuts short, not wanting to make sully feel guilty for something that has happened so long ago. "and then — then we met here again. on serenity, parts of our innocence, and happiness back. i know most of it is gone, but fate brought us together again, and i — on a day like this, i wanted to tell you how i felt for so long. the speech i wrote all those years ago still applies, it truly does, because it has always been you sul. only you. i love so much about you, it would take me an eternity to explain it all. how you grumble but smile in the end, that little upturn of your lips that is so very endearing. how you manage to bear with me, my rants about nonsense continuously and still laugh at my jokes. i — i've been in love with you for a long time sul. i never thought it would be requited, i had hoped it was — but then you looked so happy in serenity with others when i first came, happiness that i hadn't managed to give to you before, that i wasn't sure if i would ever open up to you about how i felt."
"then — you came to the medbay, telling me that being around me made your heart beat faster. and after tests telling me that you were physically healthy, i had only one thing in mind. and i — it is the same with me sul. whenever you enter the room, whenever you throw that blinding smile or a shy laughter at me, at anyone, i can feel my heart want to come out of my chest. like that child so many years ago— i want to be with you sul, and not just as a friend. you have gone through so many things, and i — i want to try to give you the happiness you deserve. so that's why, on this day, i wanted to tell you about how i felt. sullivan min, i have been in love with you for so many years, and i am still in love with you. i love you. and i — i wanted to ask, whether you — whether you would be my lover, my boyfriend ?" he lets out in the end, his eyes teary but with that huge, hopeful smile on his face. he has no idea how sul will react, but his chest feels both lighter and heavier at the same time. lighter because he has let it all out after so many years, and heavy because he is afraid, so so afraid to have hurt sul. so he meets his eyes, and simply holds his breath.
the dust of a crumbled city ;
sysullivan:
Sullivan didn’t have any reason to leave the Serenity on this particular trip planetside. They weren’t in dire need of supplies and weren’t necessarily in the most convenient locale to acquire them, which left Sullivan with another day of his typical chores. This sort of situation usually left Sullivan annoyed. If they were in the Black, it was much easier to focus on his work. But they weren’t ‘up there’ today. No, they happened to be quite close to the remnants of a war-ravaged city and Sullivan couldn’t help the morbid curiosity that tugged at the corners of his mind until it nearly stole all of his attention.
Despite being a coward, despite being physically weak, having unusually low stamina, and an extreme aversion to anything that made him even remotely uncomfortable, Sullivan did love to explore. He is fascinated by history and legend alike. Most of his journeys take place in his imagination, truthfully, but it’s a practically unknown fact that Sullivan has done some exploration on his own when the situation allows for it. In fact, he’s buried some of his own treasure here and there on certain planets; something he’s fairly sure even the Captain doesn’t know about.
So, it’s especially frustrating to be working today when they’re so near this particular city. If it wasn’t as potentially dangerous as he perceived it to be, he probably would’ve tried to slip away on his own. But Sullivan certainly knows when the odds are stacked too far against him. After all, his intuition and an innate sense of danger were part of what’s kept him alive this far. Of course, when Scarlett suddenly swept up beside him, gaze intense, the promise of an adventure on appropriately colored lips, Sullivan realized he might have his fun just yet.
Scarlett was one of the most recent additions to the crew and Sullivan had been spending a considerable amount of effort learning about her. She was a difficult target because she kept to herself so much, but this was also a rare opportunity to learn a bit more about her and have his adventure. He pursed his lips together, pulling his clipboard to his chest as he seemed to be considering the offer. “As long as you understand that you’ll be completely responsible for my well-being while I’m in your company,” he started, eyebrows rising, not challengingly perse but definitely to inflect her sole responsibility for his safety. If something happened it was quite likely he wouldn’t be able to help her.
Since that didn’t scare her off, Sullivan smirked, honestly quite pleased. “Give me a half hour to get ready,” he requested but just in case, he quickly scampered off. The worry that she might leave him behind made his preparations hasten. He packed a bag with some supplies, changed into sandy colored cargo pants, boots, and an olive sweater and nearly jumped out of his skin when he turned around to see Junseo standing in his room. “YAH!! KANG JUNSEO! Were you watching me change, you pervert?!” Sullivan scolded, his cheeks immediately bright red.
@syjunseo
one of the things that junseo loves the most about serenity is that how much they travel, spending so much time navigating through the black, going to new planets so often, not knowing where the destination will be a few days later. it feeds his adventurous spirit in such ways that he finds it hard to stay back during missions at times. he wants to be out there, exploring with his friends, learning, helping them. however as his job description states so very clearly, he has to stay back at most of the times, sit there in that room, fret over the fact that the door will open and someone he cares about deeply will get dragged inside, perhaps with wounds he cannot stitch. it's a terrifying thought, it really is, and the fact that he is going to be a sitting duck until they come back to the ship makes him hate the whole situation. he loves his job, he truly does, but that aspect isn't something that comes to him easily. and sometimes, he wanders off with others, especially when it isn't a mission at hand that the captain will fire him over.
after a boring day at the medbay, a part of him wants to get out, explore, but he also isn't sure if he would be needed as a doctor in the meantime. casta is there too however, and junseo trusts him to take care of it if anything were to happen. the truth is that he just needs a little push in the right direction, but to distract himself for the time being, he decides to bug his friends. first one that comes to his mind is obviously sul, for... special reasons that he doesn't like to dwell on right then. his room is the closest to the medical bay as well, so it's just another excuse that he'll gladly use if he were to get asked why. he takes off his white coat, and the contrast of a band shirt and some ripped jeans is stark in comparison. if he were to work at a hospital, most of his piercings had to be gone, if not all. he'd need to wear scrubs all day and hide most of his tattoos, but this feels good, to be himself and being able to do what he wants as a profession.
after a quick walk over the corridor, he silently pushes the door open and slips inside, unsure how to break sul's concentration for the time being. he is noticed soon after however, and he jumps as well, not expecting to well — getting yelled at. "no ! i just — i just got in — " he stutters, his own cheeks turning red as well. "i'm not a pervert — i was just bored and i wanted to see how you were —" he lets out, though the meaning behind sul's gear comes to him immediately after. "you are going out ?" it's more of a statement than anything else, his lips pursed, not liking the thought of sweet sul out there, in the middle of danger. when he asks, he gets the reply that he's going with scarlett, which is better, yet junseo's not satisfied anyway. "i'm coming with you." there's no room for argument there, and he wants to go with them not only because he wants to go out exploring, but more so because he wants to ensure sullivan's safety himself. it's not that he doesn't trust scarlett, it's just that he cares about sul maybe a bit too much to let him go so easily.
"we shouldn't keep her waiting then, should we ?" and with that he follows sul to the entrance of the ship, where they meet with scarlett. "uh hi —" it feels awkward to barge in their plans like this, but he still wants to, very much, and won't take no as an answer at this point. "i'm going to be joining you if that's okay ? i promise i'll be valuable. plus, it's always to have a pair of medical hands, yeah ?"
( @syscarlett )
witnessed
syxephraim:
in ephraim’s state, everything is simultaneously heightened and numbed. he doesn’t feel the cold biting into his skin, it feels like the flames of one of shadow’s bonfires licking at his bones, almost taunting him with the knowledge of what he’s done. how it’s taunting him is anyone’s guess. his hearing is sensitive though, and he hears running footsteps but he doesn’t have the energy to leave so he holds his hands up, surrendering himself as he shakes and trembles.
police have caught him, it’s all he can think about. but there are no sirens, nor lights, things he’s seen on persephone, from living on the streets and witnessing so much crime and punishment, both lawful and unlawful.
it’s simply another person and their voice is soft and kind, tender. he doesn’t deserve it, not with blood on his hands and on his clothes, bile threatening to pour from his mouth still. god he wants to throw up, maybe it’ll scare the guy away, but his manners persist even now, so he swallows it down and whimpers.
what can he answer— is he okay? no. he’s far from okay. he wants to be free. he wants to go home to shadow, he wants walter back. he wants viktor to be a name only on paper and for it to be some random book character, one far from being a living breathing incarnate of pure evil. he’ll get none of that, so he settles for another whimper, struggling to get a word out for the guy.
“fine… just fine,” he whispers, putting his hands down finally, rubbing his hands against his pants, smearing them with blood. he sniffles as he feels the warm crimson seep through his pants, wetting his bare skin. it only makes him tremble more, taking a step back into the dark, distancing himself from this man for fear of getting him dirty.
junseo has more than enough experience with shock and trauma, so many soldiers getting wheeled into the medbay with huge injuries, missing limbs, picked out from the midst of the combat. he has seen so many variations of it, the silent kind, with dead empty eyes, those who cannot stop screaming, some cry without letting out a sound. it's painful, it always is, there are people who have seen their friends die in front of them, blown into pieces. some have carried dead bodies through the fields in vain, a hope that they could survive. it never got easier, and the state of the boy in front of him reminds him of those — and if junseo knows a bit about psychology, he can guess that something has horrible happened, and he hopes that his training so far will be enough to try to help him.
the first step has always been to introduce oneself, to explain that he hasn't got any bad intentions, so he starts with that, softly, gently, afraid to scare him further. it's the last thing he wants, so he knows he needs to be really careful. "i'm junseo. a doctor, or i'm studying to be one. i just want to help you okay — no need to be afraid of me, i just want to help —" he lets out, and keeps a distance between them, though not far enough to seem like he doesn't want to help. personal space is important but what he can deduct from the boy's actions is that he needs to look like he means every word that falls from his lips.
"i have some experience — you're hurt, i can help. it doesn't have to be a hospital either, whatever you're comfortable with — " he starts, because he still has no idea who all that blood belongs to. he doesn't think it all belongs to the other, then it would show a lot more, but still, even if there's a wound under those stained clothes, junseo can help. he wants to help. "i won't ask any questions about anything else either, like i said — whatever you're comfortable with. it's just — i want to help."