Out of context bullshit my friends (and others) have mistakenly said near me
“I won garbage whilst being a horrible racist.”
“I’m gonna be talking about flesh cylinders for the rest of the day.”
“I’m thinking Jesus p0rn.”
“IF I MAKE IT TO HELL I BETTER SEE HIS ASS THERE WITH ME.”
“I would MACARENA into hell.”
“My body thrusts when I laugh.”
“Go smell some freshmen.”
"Fencing is for f@ggots." Some dude's grandpa
“I guess my grandpa is fucking her and she got murdered.”
“Call me when you’re done shitting.”
“GOOD SIR, I WILL NOW DEPORT YOU!”
“My nana twerks to this song.”
“I'm not crying my eyes are just pissing.”
“Are you the new Hitler?”
“I wanted to sniff them.”
“The summoning circles worked.”
“The kinks are endless, my guy.”
“Honestly murder would’ve been better.”
“I can come kidnap you and hide you in my closet.”
“Yo thicc ladies could destroy me with their thighs and I’d thank them for the experience.”
“I’m so hungry, I could eat my mom’s situation ship from Germany.”
“Random question but which deadly sin do you think a spongy moth would be?”
“What’s your happy place? CASINO!”
“Damn Cheeto dusted fucks.”
“Dude the milfs love me.”
“My dad microdoses meth, after all.”
“What are the chances that we’re all Nazis, right?”
“He can exorcise me any day.”
“Can I be kinky for a sec? Hear me out: fangs.”
“If it starts crying I’m kicking its skull in.”
“This is the whitest bus I’ve ever been on.”
“It’s arson, everyone likes it.”
“Imma pizza pasta lasagna your ex’s bitchass into the fucking ground.”
“I’ll be the hoe to your garden ma’am.”
“Gotta get depression in 4k, bro, max res.”
“Imagine being your sibling/son's Onlyfans manager.”
“I got bored during dinner and wrote a poem about God’s hypocrisy and abandonment of humankind, wanna read it?”
“It’s funny and horny and depressing. Like me.”
“I, too, want a Latina to sit on my face.”
“Hi, I'm Ayden, I want a tall lady to step on me.”
“I’m my own species of vaguely human, so.”
“It sounds like she’s talking to a bratty bottom. I’m not against being that bottom.”
“They should put Billy in the center of the bass summoning circle.”
“Italy was Germany’s bitch.”
“Diabetes is so worth it.”
“You’re a waste of free will.”
“You look like you just finished gooning.”
“Is that a demogorgon tomato?”
“Bro I think my grandpa has autism.”
“I farted 18 times.” *Pause* “Nineteen.”
“I’m Spider-Maning my way through being gay.”
“I need her to rail me as hard as my last math test did.”
“The reason he's facing forward is because the government is scared to show the Dan Heng cake. I just know he’s dummy thicc.”
“WE SHALL SUMMON LUCIFER AND MAKE HIM DANCE ON THE COALS OF HELL TO DO OUR BIDDING!”
“Our love language is talking about assassinating the president to the devil so we can have class together next year.”
“You're a bottom, let the tops handle this.”
“If I wanted a being that only cried, ate, shit, and slept I’d make a clone of myself.”
“In my head I’m like, ‘gay yaoi’.”
“Cayden, I need to give your soldier bone cancer. Also Owen, the slime can no longer speak and has severe autism.”
“You’re lucky I haven’t made myself God.”
“Bring back flooding the earth, Bible-style.”
“I’m the Shakespeare of doomed yaoi, bro.”
“I gave all my chocolate to Owen in exchange for a huge thing of sour skittles and he agreed to be my ‘twinky femboy’.”
“I’m gonna dry hump you like John Proctor did.”
“Do any of your black friends do lines of coke?”
“Some days I fear that I’m allergic to the outside.”
“I am God’s favorite poet now, little bitchass Englishman.”
“Grow a mustache or you’re sexist!”
“I’ve been busted on like, four times today. I’m sticky.”
“This is what happens when you’re racist.”
“The power of Joel compels us.”
“You gotta whip it out like it’s a power ranger.”
“Fuck, it’s cold as a witch’s titty.”
“It’s 11 am, we do not need to deep throat a banana right now.”
“My friend did coke, and a few other things, and he’s bipolar now.”
“Middle school sucked dick and I don’t have a dick to suck.”
“Guys, if I ever get pregnant *points to a friend*.” said by a man
“I am aware the universe is not a democracy, but I have no fucks left to give.”
“I cannot deal with nuclear war right now. I have exam scores to disappoint my mother with.”
“Better yet just make leaders play gay chicken and whoever lasts longer wins.”
“Leaders get so much protection now that killing them is a feat that should be rewarded.”
“They’re in the room like ‘Okay. How do we get the bisexuals to c/m the second they turn the computer on?’”
“How do I give myself 25 kilograms of cocaine?”
“I’ve lost my marbles, bro. They’ve been scattered. I think some are in Greece.”
“I’m gonna make Santa go ho ho HOE real soon.”
“No, I don’t have schizophrenia. Get back in your hole.”
“Apparently, you can’t fuck on school grounds. Guess the Wednesday fuck sessions with Alex are off.”
“Thought my period came, I did. Wrong I was. Fucking my life, God is.”
“Fuck engineering, I’m gonna disappoint my family and be an actor.”
“Yeah, I don't understand how Rey can turn a Republican Trump supporter into a gay man.”
“We’re Italian. If we murdered someone, you’d know.”
“They can’t outbullshit me.”
“God is too pussy to nuke my ass, so I stand proud and ready to fuck Lucifer if given the chance.”
“Also my mother seems sexually frustrated, so a good gay fucking might fix some issues.”
“Capitalism can kiss my flat ass and suck me dry, I hate it.”
“Can you tell I want a girl to sit on my lap?”
“Bitchass bastard who can’t take the blame even if it grew a dick and asked to have sex.”
“I was convinced that the people who lived across from us were Columbian drug dealers.”
“Gay minds think alike, or however it goes.”
“Inside I was like, ‘not in front of my innocent ramen, you animals, get a fucking room’. Then I opened my phone to the Naoya pegging fics.”
“Giganomosorus man tatas.”
“Also, what the FUCK is up with PREGNANT DEADPOOL?”
“Three more years til I peg him so hard he can’t walk for a week.”
“For once, capitalism is doing its job.”
“Domain Expansion: math is too fucking hard.”
“If you hit someone, it's okay, as long as you don't like them.”
“I would've made a great mafia member.”
“I’m already going to hell for being gay, might as well eat good food.”
“The moon knows Chuuya’s a trick ass bitch.”
“I can crap the dog’s pants.”
“First time anyone’s ever said something not racist to me, and it’s ‘is that crack?’”
“I picked Satan for my Confirmation name.” MY FATHER SAID THIS
“He’s a twink. That’s not a hear me out.”
“The fish was TWERKING for God’s sake, Levi.”
“WHO GAVE THESE IDIOTS THE SEX TALK, AYDEN?!”
