make time, make time

who needs all that forgetting?

[t4lon]

moira + 25 + she/her

plural + fictionkin + nonhuman

mutuals can ask for my discord, other social media, firstborn child and social security number

interests: computer science, video games (list under readmore), game design/development, philosophy, entomology/arachnology, worldbuilding/storytelling, media analysis

current fixations: left 4 dead/left 4 dead 2, programming (currently using godot/gdscript, php, and SQL)

ask me about my OCs if you want :P i have a lot of them spread across a lot of different universes, both pre-existing and self generated

also feel free to ask me about programming in general, i like helping out and also just talking about my own projects. i might even link you to my itch.io page

most stuff here is untagged; things can be tagged by request but i will most certainly forget again in the future. more specific info (and links to other alters' sideblogs) under the cut

favorite games (not anywhere NEAR comprehensive): SOMA, dwarf fortress, minecraft, ut/dr, l4d/l4d2, overwatch, world of warcraft, sonic the hedgehog, pokemon (HGSS, BW), portal, half life, tomodachi life, amnesia: justine

my (in-system) kids: @antline @zygarde10p

this post is kind of a work in progress; more sideblogs will be added here in the future. thanks for reading!

[pjackk]

Ok but why are the suckers and losers trying to kill me today

[sexygrammaticalerrors]

[assaultmystic-archive]

the self is a guy you made up to get mad at

[t4lon]

and now i am examining what about most sports is so unappealing to me and im coming to the conclusion that i think a sport feels pointless if i am not getting thrown around, beaten, or otherwise being propelled through the air, because i think those may be the most Fun stimuli i could get from sports and the other aspects are either dull (other physical aspects like idk running and Throw Ball) or too fast paced for me (i prefer activities where i can be thorough and like triple check my results before locking a move in)

[t4lon]

i just laughed out loud bc i remembered that when i was really really young my parents tried to get me to play soccer and i had a meltdown at the first lesson or whatever and i distinctly remembered that my complaint was, verbatim, "its just so boring"

[t4lon]

now im self teaching music and specifically learning things that are fun to maintain my interest i truly have not fundamentally changed in 2 decades

[t4lon]

i just laughed out loud bc i remembered that when i was really really young my parents tried to get me to play soccer and i had a meltdown at the first lesson or whatever and i distinctly remembered that my complaint was, verbatim, "its just so boring"

[charmcoin]

quite callous how the general societal reaction to allegations of child abuse increasing in frequency seems to have been "all these millions of people are lying and faking on the internet for clout, parents are the only real protectors for children" instead of "perhaps there is something wrong structurally with how we treat children"

[charmcoin]

"why are millennials/gen z/etc going no contact with their parents?" is really not a difficult question to answer

[dra1nedbl00d]

what doesnt kill you will make you post 87 spiral posts abt it

[evilvillain123456789]

I am going to fuck this cartoon character . (pulls lever, machinery begins powering on)

[komainucomplex]

power washes half of you

has anyone noticed the rain in these days is hard as fuck and all in one place or is it jus tme

[coldestcaress]

Fuckin Phantom of the Dive Bar here

[t4lon]

i guess i just cant relate to the sentiment i see a Lot wrt aros in relationships that like. I already said it once but theres a number of mutations of an overarching vibe of "yeah it's kind of awkward but we can make it work", or, like, the aro person in question is talking about how their partner has experiences they dont and how they have to bridge the gap and it's so unrelatable that i keep questioning my identity. like, im Not that different from my partner. we make each other feel what i imagine are fairly similar emotions. i Dont feel like he cant understand how i feel or that i cant understand how he feels. The biggest difference between us in this context is the way we define the words we use to describe ourselves and our behaviors, and we can present those differences and discuss them .. and understand what they mean. There is not really any complexity. Me not "feeling the same way" literally means the words i use to describe the feeling are different, not that there's simply nothing there... AND not that it's necessarily some other form of Objectively Non-Romantic Love that a Romantic couldnt understand; it's just Feelings with no label that can then be labeled Platonic, Romantic, Whatever. So im fucking bi i guess man whatever

[t4lon]

Like, maybe im just crazy and "defining a set of exclusive behaviors and honoring that agreement" is actually just always what romance has been from the beginning and im completely allo

[t4lon]

For me it's more like none of my attraction is romantic specifically bc i dont label it as such. Id say some of my actions can be romantic, because i can define rules and guidelines that define them as such. like, im monogamous, and one of the things i dont do with people outside my relationship is, for example, Have Sex, so for me RIGHT NOW having sex is a Romance Activity

But, like, i still experience sexual attraction to other people. I just dont also consider this romantic attraction? The concept of "having sex" or wanting to do so has nothing to do with romance except for the fact that it's one of the things on the "contract" of an existing relationship. Pretty much everything is like this for me and it means my window of behaviors can shift drastically depending on who im in a relationship with. Stuff is only "romantic" to me if its romantic to my partner and i find it a reasonable thing to label as romantic

[t4lon]

trying to engage with my sexuality/orientation is really really difficult like i have a really confusing level of imposter syndrome that so far has been made Worse by reading other people's experiences

[t4lon]

like im aroace and in a relationship which is 1. Fine to do and 2. I am happy and fulfilled in it. but i keep looking for people w experiences that seem similar to mine and so far i just have not. Found any. It's all got a cadence of "yeah i know its weird >_< but we make it work!" That i cant relate to

one article i just read deeply confused me bc it seemed to imply that the difference between platonic and romantic relationships for them was that romantic relationships involved "talking about love" and that theyd rather be spending time doing "fun stuff" like hanging out instead, which has absolutely nothing to do w the reasons *i* id as aroace, so it feels like im operating w a different concept of romance than even other aroaces apparently

Im at a point where im like ok fine i guess im not aroace i guess what i experience Is romantic attraction and i just dont like that label? But that doesnt feel right either. And it's not like, a halfway sort of thing, like i dont kinda sorta "feel it" sometimes. Its more like, i fundamentally dont believe in "romance" as a category, i think "romance" and "romantic" are arbitrary labels assigned on a case by case basis by individuals to completely subjective experiences. No other label has made sense for me based on this

[t4lon]

trying to engage with my sexuality/orientation is really really difficult like i have a really confusing level of imposter syndrome that so far has been made Worse by reading other people's experiences