Andulka
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
occasionally subtle
DEAR READER
#extradirty
pixel skylines
tannertan36
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Product Placement
shark vs the universe
Jules of Nature
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Three Goblin Art
Misplaced Lens Cap
will byers stan first human second
Kiana Khansmith
No title available
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Keni
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@taes-thetic
i was always lost but never have i felt so foreign or unknown to myself than in this present moment
i don’t know who i am anymore
is this the real me or the pre-marriage/pre-kid version of me the real me?
i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know
i thought maybe i could get my shit together this year
boy, am i wrong?
— Franz Kafka // Richard Siken
I don't want a relationship for the title, I want a best friend, a spiritual partner, a soulmate.
this!!
maybe the little girl in me is never supposed to be let out. who knows what she might discover. maybe the world does not deserve to know her. or it wouldn’t place me in situations where i’m forced to be the grown up time and time again.
i wonder when was the last time i had fun like a little girl
when was the last time i could breathe without care
if i knew it would be so short-lived i could have cherished it better
— Jenny Slate, Little Weirds
i really wish i had a life outside of my husband. But i don’t have friends to talk to or make plans with and neither am i financially independent to afford that kind of luxury. and that brings me back to how i wish i would earn so i can spend on the people i love and the little things that i desire without feeling guilty.
everyone from childhood seems to have carved out a life for themselves. i still feel 15 and completely hopeless
feeling wanted was the one thing i used to look forward to, still don’t feel that way
actions and expressions matter so much
forever in awe of people who pay attention. people who wait for you while you tie your shoes while the others have walked away. when they continue listening intently while the rest of the group stopped listening. noticing your moments of silence when everyone else hasn’t. “this made me think of you” noticing things you never even noticed about yourself. people who say “text me when you get home safe.” people who make you laugh until you cry. childhood friends who keep in touch. people with genuine intentions. people who are soft when the world has given them every opportunity to turn hard. the “let’s get ice cream” at 3am friend. the turn up the music in the car and sing friend. people whose actions match their words. people who make the world feel less chaotic. kindred spirits. the trustworthy and honest. hard workers. good listeners. clear communicators. people who love you for who you are. people who don’t ask you to be anything other than yourself. people who choose you. people who stay.
people who choose you (.) :)
crazy how much ppl do not care that you are literally losing your mind if you are a quiet woman who doesn't inconvenience others much
i feel so alone
one thing about me is that i will cry. i cry when i’m happy, i cry when i’m sad, i cry when i am angry, i cry when i am tired, and i cry when i think about life
because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
his mom upsets me so much but i cannot even talk to him about it
the thing that gets me about about barbie is that barbie land wasn’t even purposefully a matriarchy, barbie land came about because of the way little girls were playing with their barbies, it wasn’t created by mattel it was created by the people using the toys, so the fact that the barbies ignored the ken’s and had girls night every night wasn’t because they had some bias against him, it was just an accurate depiction of how kids play with barbies. I had some ken dolls as a child and they were essential to the plot in the sense that of course my barbie has a boyfriend because that represented the world i saw around me, but also he didn’t have any purpose in my dream world because i was only interested in what the girls were doing because they represented me and how i wanted to be, I wanted girls night every night I wanted the girls to be president and austronauts and not because of some inherent feminist idea but because I was a girl and I wasn’t thinking about boys, ken was an accessory. this movie wasn’t made to change the world but it showed a different perspective than what we usually see which I thought was fun. Men don’t have to be the centre of all our stories and its not even because we hate them, sometimes we’re just not thinking about them
Anne Carson, Plainwater: Essays and Poetry
Richard Siken, from "Wishbone", Crush
being a person in your 20s is like being 40 and being 16 at the same time. i am simultaneously too old and too young for this shit
