#!trouble post

[navelgazed]

Being a fictive is like. What if you were famous but nobody recognized you but everyone thinks your trauma is really funny to joke about or they treat you like a little meow meow that can do no wrong (even if you did do so many things wrong and you're wracked with guilt) or they treat you like trash or a sex object but nobody wants to treat the you you like a human being and if you open up about how the battle with the evil wizard was actually pretty harrowing or you wake up thinking about the killing game you were trapped in or that you were assaulted or you had to kill someone or lots of people or that when you close your eyes you relive your death sometimes everyone treats it like a fun little joke or like you're an idiot for being affected by something that didn't happen to the body you're in now.

And you're just expected to rawdog that shit. And sometimes even you treat your own past like a funny little joke until things get too real and you have a war flashback in your bedroom despite the fact that this body has never been to war, and then you just. Have to confide in the few people that will take it seriously.

Yeah anyway we're definitely not angry about the fact that we can't talk about our own pasts in therapy how are you guys

[navelgazed]

We do have to get a handle on finding balance with new people. We shouldn't encourage every little flicker of a new person because that's just going to inflate our numbers more and we're already over 400, but as Gimlet showed us leaving someone out in the cold and actively trying not to think about them can literally be painful for the potential newbie. Ze (Gimlet) showed up last night and made a big fuss because ze has been trying so hard to break through the void and get here, and ze literally apparently nearly disintegrated a couple times trying to break through. So we fucked up there, because now ze is traumatized and terrified ze's just going to up and disappear.

We don't want to put potential new folks through that. We also don't want to have a thousand collective members, because we're already struggling to juggle less than half that. And we've got a big list of people who never got properly onboarded and settled because we had a huge influx and never had enough time to properly get them welcomed.

Mmmgh. Frustrating. And feeling pretty guilty for how scared Gimlet was feeling/is feeling.

[navelgazed]

My kingdom for people to read and respond to my emails

[navelgazed]

Me: I know we tend to get the protagonists of these gacha games but at the very least I don't think we're in danger of getting a Rover.

The suspiciously Rover shaped shadow in the corner of the room:

Me: I'M SO GLAD WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET ROVER--

[navelgazed]

The thing is we genuinely do like our therapist and we have only passive aggressively posted about this on Tumblr so there's every possibility our therapist could be like 'oh I'm sorry I didn't realize' we just haven't said anything.

[navelgazed]

Oh also I'm doing an art stream around 7:30 CST so feel free to hop in and hang with us!

[navelgazed]

🛩 ☕️ for the gateway ask game?

I forgot about this ask lol I'm sorry

🛩 - it used to be purely physical, we had to fly from our headspace floating above Divisus down to the planet. Now we can travel via corridors that connect to the major cities and our floating headspace. It's harder, but you can also travel from a corridor to another person's location, I think?

Actually wait no--you can only do that in a nation we've established contact with. We can freely travel the entire continent of Kaltrix, but if we want to travel to the Crystalline Nation, we'd have to first travel to Remedia because Remedia is technically an 'ally' and they aren't allies with the Crystalline Nation. We can't access the Syndicate on the western continent because we're allied with the countries it's at war with, so we'd have to enter through an allied area and physically move to a space we couldn't access through a corridor. Similarly, if we don't know anyone from that region and we don't know anything about it, we can't just pop in. -Trouble

☕️ - okay so I'm sorta the cook for Kaveh's hostel down in Maharra so food is my whole deal. There's a lot of food and ingredients here that have similarities to Earth food but like, slightly to the left. Kaltrix has a lot of root vegetables and leafy greens, they have lab grown meat for the most part. There's a lot of vegetarian dishes because eating meat is really considered a luxury. There's this kinda gnocchi like thing that I use a lot, kinda like a cross in shape between a gnocchi and a long noodle that's made of a root vegetable that's kind of like tarot? Anyway, mix that up with some roasted tomato-alike sauce and you got yourself a slightly sweeter, more oval-shaped spaghetti. People usually put in mushrooms or a tofu-alike for protein. I make that a lot cause it's easy to make in big batches and just serve it for dinner. -Taako