Reader telling Rocky, Simon, and Grace how they didn’t think they’d make it as far as they did.
Platonic!! Reader is 20, Ryland is early forties, Simon is late thirties, Rocky is an old ass rock. Platonic relationships with reader only.
TW: Suicidal ideation, expressing how one thought they wouldn’t make it past a certain age, suicidal thoughts, mental distress, mentions of non-sexual grooming.
Spoilers to Project Hail Mary and Iron Lung! Be aware!
The youngest member of the Hail Mary was absolutely spoilt, anyone could see that, even the densest of people.
You were treated as if you’d always been there, cared for, taught, loved. It was a stark contrast to how things were on Asora, where resources dwindled and teenagers were expected to hold together households and families with part-time jobs and whatever sketchy work they could find.
You’d absolutely been a victim of those circumstances, borderline groomed into the space program that promised all your needs and more, then launched into space in a dingy craft with strangers you barely knew.
Now, you were twenty years old, unsure of what to do now. You weren’t ever going home, an impossibility you weren’t keen on making a reality, but now you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You spent so long on Asora trying to figure out how to survive that you’d convinced yourself at a concerningly young age that you wouldn’t make it to adulthood.
“Hey kiddo.” A hand made itself home on your head, firm and grounding as it pulled your attention away from the view of the glittering stars in the vastness of space. Grace looked down at you with tired eyes, another night of no sleep in favor of working on his personal research, “it’s late, why aren’t you in bed? Rocky will get hysterical if he finds out you aren’t sleeping.”
“Jus’ wanted to look at the stars for a bit.” He nodded and settled himself down next to you, “I’ve got a feeling that’s not all?” You sighed, hating how well he could read you, like an open book he studied in grad school, “just..I’m just a little lost? I guess? I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“Oh?” Grace raised a brow, sipping at a mug of coffee that still steamed, “you..need more things to do? More options? I could see what books Mary has downloaded- or documentaries? There’s lots of those! Or-“
“Not like that.” Grace paused his incoming ramble, brow furrowing in confusion, “I’m..a little lost myself now, can you..elaborate for me?” Dammit. Why did you bring this up??
“It’s- ugh. It’s nothing. I’ll find something to do.” You pushed yourself to your feet and padded back to the sleeping quarters, leaving a confused Grace to stew over your words.
“[Name] okay, question?” You focused your eyes to see Rocky above you in his xenonite tunnels, “staring” down at you in a way you recognized as concern. You’d been lying on the cool floor of the Hail Mary’s kitchen for an undetermined amount of time, staring off into figurative space and turning your brain off.
“[Name]?” Rocky tried again, tapping the wall of his tunnel gently to regain your attention, “ah- sorry Rocky. Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Why on floor, question? Fall down?”
“Nah, just like the way the ground feels.” He tilted a little, confused, “ground is cold, [Name] should be in comfy bed! Not ground, statement!” A small smile made its way onto your face, “c’mon Rocky, when everything is gone and there’s nothing left the floor will always be there.”
A memory flashed behind your eyes, the fog closing in again as the sounds of arguing filtered in. Your crew-mates were volatile people, some a little older than you and others as old as your parents, demanding control and manipulating through sweet words and harsh truths. You’d spent many days on the ground of the most unused room, uncomfortable and lonely as you drowned out the arguing with the feeling of cold metal against your back and the sounds of machinery creaking and settling all around you.
Then there was silence, the fog rolled in, and you half-wished the arguing would come back.
“What that mean, question? Nothing is gone, [Name] safe on Hail Mary, statement.” You shuddered as the memory left you, refocusing again, “uh- nothing Rock. Don’t worry about me, just gonna lay here for a little longer.” Rocky let out a faint and weary whistle tone, reluctantly tapping away into a different room.
You shut your eyes and sighed, falling back into the fog.
“Hey.” You jumped, whipping around where you were sitting to look up at Simon, his eyebrows furrowed with that accusatory look you hated being subjected to, “uh- yeah?”
“You’ve been staring at that word search for ten minutes.”
“Can’t..find any of the words?” You hated how unsure you sounded, sighing in defeat when Simon quirked a brow at you, dumping the stupid booklet onto the coffee table in front of you. Simon circled around to sit beside you on the couch, opening his arm to let you curl up against his warm side, listening to his heart- uh- hearts beat.
“What’s up with you kid? You haven’t been yourself.” His calloused thumb rubbed up and down slowly, a comforting motion that made you melt- could knock you asleep if he did it long enough.
“Just thinking.” Simon snorted, “that’s dangerous.”
“Only when you’re Ryland Grace on zero sleep.” You both laughed, but Simon squeezing you closer slowly brought you back down, “seriously though, what’re you thinking about? Grace and Rocky are worried.” Guilt shot up your spine, “they’re worried??”
“I am too. You keep saying these concerning things and we don’t want you..spiraling.”
“I’m not going to-“ Simon nodded, interrupting you, “I believe you, but we can’t have you saying things or doing things that worry us and not talking through them. You’re young, your brain is still developing, you’ve been through a lot.” A lot was an understatement, “we’ve just gotta make sure you’re okay, we don’t want to lose you.”
“I’ll..I’ll get to it. Just let me get my thoughts together?”
“Of course, whenever you’re ready. Just don’t think for too long.” He stayed with you, picking the word search back up for you to actually complete.
It was a calm “night” on the Hail Mary when you finally decided to open up. It was calm, it was comfortable, it was selfish of you to bring it up now, wasn’t it?
“So- I didn’t think I’d make it to 18.” You had to just come out with it, tired of beating around the bush. Grace choked on his coffee, sputtering as he tried to cough out the liquid from his airway. Rocky jumped, standing in his closest tunnel, making a high-pitched sound of distress. Simon turned to you with a worried look etched into his hardened features, setting his tablet down and pausing his reading. None of them spoke, waiting for you to continue, “Asora wasn’t..good. It was all about survival as the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. I worked so many odd jobs and did so many terrible things just to bring money home. I was convinced young that I wouldn’t make it to see adulthood, but then that stupid space program opened a volunteer office in my town, looking for young people who wanted to “see the stars.” They promised money and resources for you and your family, then you never got to see them again.” You sighed, running your hands down your face, knees up to your chin, “I couldn’t catch a break, grew up too fast I think. I’m not used to not feeling like I have to- to fight to stay alive. I was alone for so long, emotionally or physically or both. I just wanted it to be over and I was so willing to make it end if it meant the pain would stop, but then you guys picked me up.” You didn’t cry, you didn’t feel like it, you’d already shed enough tears over these problems, “I’m finally in a place that treats me like a person, it’s so weird.”
The three around you shared worried looks, but Simon moved first, wrapping you up in his strong arm and pulling you close, resting his chin on your head, “I think we all understand better than you know.”
“Yeah. Eden was a lot like Asora, but..pretty sure I was raised in a cult if Ryland’s taught me anything.” Grace laughed dryly, shrugging, “I was forced into space and the two other people on my ship were dead by the time I woke up.” Rocky chimed sadly in his tunnel, tapping faintly as a fidget, “crew die on way to save stars, statement. Rocky could not fix.”
You hiccuped, Simon holding you tighter to ground you to reality. They didn’t have to say much more- they understood.
That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed!
Have a nice day and stay safe!
