#;raphneth

[redstringraven]

takes a break to draw art for my ship that i totally don't neglect.

[redstringraven]

been seeing this make rounds with the competition folks, so i decided to crawl beneath the bandwagon and cling to the underside, hitching a ride as i am want to do. (original template found here)

tender, by yvette young artemis, by stephen rezza

1 - i'm still conlanging liáfsian, so the exact word/nickname is subject to change until the language roots are established 2 - these are OVERALL and general measurements, not measurements only applied between each other. (i.e., raph is going to be blunt with you whether you're a friend, a family member, or a stranger. gwyn may vary with how much she trusts you or likes you)

elaboration on the hearts section below cut!

i've always seen it as less a 'confession' and more a mutual 'realization'. like, they're out one night--maybe on a patrol, maybe on a trail that curves around the farmhouse--just talking and burning energy as they usually do. at some point they make eye contact. both go quiet for what they realize is a bit too long, snap back to the present, and just know in their gut that the other came to the same conclusion they did. there's a few seconds of tension and uncertainty before they awkwardly head back home, say their good nights and part ways.

gwyn initiated their first kiss. i've pictured it being at the farmhouse lake during the summer when fireflies would have been out and about. she asks raph "can i kiss you?" and raph accepts, though not without the rush of panicked realization he has no idea what he's doing. it's tentative and clumsy, but no less tender and kind.

despite being the more hot-headed and confrontational of the two, raph is the fastest to apologize once he's had space to cool off and come down from one of his more heightened states.

gwyn goes where she wants when she wants. she's made a habit of showing up in pierce's* apartment and helping herself to the shitty drinks in his fridge, if not for the sake of asserting dominance and nothing else. and even after spending more time on 3rd earth, her sleeping schedule's never fully fallen into a routine. she's the person who texts "can i come over?" and when you say yes, says "good because i'm in your driveway". time of day rarely matters. *pierce is one of @/plantdonut's ocs; he was a friend (and a past crush) of min-ji's who got tangled up with the purple dragons and was responsible for putting her in a lot of crossfire. he also previously used the turtles' friendship and concern for min-ji to lure them into a trap. he's since become a bit of a mole among the purple dragons. ...this was all before gwyn arrived on earth, but she's heard enough to decide she Doesn't Like Him™ and wants him scared.

it's a very firm headcanon of mine that, for all his bark, raph would be truly and deeply devastated if he ever actually HURT someone. and even more so if it was during an anger-fueled blackout. this isn't to say he couldn't or wouldn't do it, more that, after the red faded away, it'd haunt him forever. and if he was in a clear headspace, i don't think he'd choose to go for the jugular or want to "have" to. gwyn? not so much. she could count the people she whole-heartedly trusts on her fingers, and if you threaten? any of them? you're already dead to her. important to note that killing isn't her first choice--if breaking your hand is all she has to do to get you to back off, it stops there. but if it becomes evident you're just gonna keep coming back? you're better six feet under. in six pieces, and six locations.

gwyn's spent the last several years only valuing her life because if she dies, ash dies; she hasn't been living or fighting to live for herself, she's been living and fighting to live FOR ash. after the twins' story arc, she goes through a long period where she struggles to find her own identity among all the masks she's worn and people she's been in order to survive, and a part of that is learning to value her life in that it's hers. raph also goes through a long period where he feels he doesn't have "a role" in the family, and, to 'make up' for that, he leans HARD into the role of a shield and protector. because that's what he does--his family KNOWS he does this. it's often a source of his more heated arguments with gwyn, too, given that ash died shielding her from a blow. she doesn't like loved ones taking hits for her, but taking hits is what he does.

raph is, without a doubt, the more responsible of the two. this is in part because--despite all his circumstances--he was still raised in a loving home with a kind father. all of the turtles were, in various ways, forced to 'grow up fast' in order to survive due to their limited resources. raph's impulsiveness does sometimes beat his responsible side to the punch but, should push come to shove, he knows when to step up. gwyn, however, was neglected by her parents--given enough care that she wouldn't outright die--and outcast by the community. most of her days were spent in the forest, exploring, climbing, or befriending wildlife. ash was her main source of socialization, and after fleeing liáfsini her main concern was her own survival. due to this, she tends to act in ways she believes will most benefit her in the moment. she doesn't always see "the big picture" or consider how her actions will effect those around her (but she is slowly unlearning this manner of thinking). the one exception to this would be when it comes to caring for plant or animal life. rest assured that if she pet-sits, your pet is gonna be loved, pampered, and they're gonna like her more than you. i'm kidding. probably.

neither of them do this. closest thing they'd do would be more... jump in front of the other. or reflexively pull the other behind them.

despite being a heavily guarded person who hates showing vulnerability, gwyn can be very shameless when it comes to her emotional responses. i strongly associate her with storms for a reason, with her raw emotions being at the front of that. where raph might hold back tears or wait until he's in a secluded space to let them fall, gwyn is more prone to just letting the emotions tear through her right then and there.

[redstringraven]

some wip sketches coming (hopefully) tomorrow!

[redstringraven]

hello, hi, i've been having severe raphneth brainrot all morning/day, and i almost never babble about them, so here's some incoherent thought-and-feeling-dumping. i don't expect anyone to read this because i just needed to pace around and gesture wildly at my conspiracy board while talking to the spiders hiding in various nooks and crannies.

if you read, hope you enjoy my continued nonsense (and thank u).

again this is gonna be very stream-of-consciousness yammering, so i apologize if it's hard to follow or gets repetitive or if my word choices could have been better and my thoughts more refined. i just wanna flail my hands a little without feeling pressured to make it Nice.

i know i've repeated this thought a lot when i have talked about them, but i love so much that it's two heavily guarded people--both who have learned for one reason or another that the world is cold, and you need to protect yourself and what you hold dear from it--learning together that vulnerability isn't weakness. and also, like... learning to value themselves, too?

this isn't to say i don't think raph--specifically--values himself. it's more, i think as the series goes on up to the point where gwyn's entered the picture (so, post season 4) he's kind of in this ... limbo... where he feels almost like he doesn't have a "place" or a "valuable role" or anything he can really point to and say is his. as tots, he thought HE would be "top turtle" (his words), but over time he was happy to step aside, so to speak, and follow leo's direction. they all got a bit of a harsh wake up call when don got double-mutated to all the things they rely on him for. and, while i think he'd really hesitate to say it out loud, i'm sure he knows he's the third strongest fighter from a technical standpoint. i continue to emphasize that i feel his bitterness toward mikey's battle nexus win comes more from the fact he let mikey exploit a weakness of his and lost agency to his anger, rather than the fact he lost to mikey. truthfully, i feel like raph's more than proud of mikey--if not glad that he's capable taking care of himself, and even more than that when he wants to. i wouldn't say raph's "settled" to being the protector/shield as a role, more so he's maybe leaning into it. it's not a silent role, either--his family is aware he has a tendency to block or take hits for them, don has verbalized this as early as season 1. it's something he does, it's something he contributes. he's strong enough to do.

this kind of lack and loss of identity can also be found in gwyn, but amplified. gwyn's molded herself into so many different behaviors, personalities, and she's worn so many masks in order to get by and survive that she's lost connection with herself. if she's not constantly searching for a way to get ash back in a living, breathing body, who is she? what does she like? hobbies? how does she really feel about things when she's not trying to get on someone's good side?

it's both an interesting common ground AND an interesting contrast when it comes to raph, because no matter what raph is always going to unapologetically be himself. he may be struggling to find (where he perceives) he needs to 'fit into' the family unit, but he knows who he is. you can take him or leave him; he knows what he likes, what he doesn't, and he'll let you know, too.

raph is a person who can identify strength. i've mentioned in my enneagram posts that he can sniff out who holds the most power or control in a room, and, likewise, i'd be willing to bet that he's quick to pick up on an individual's strength-areas. things they're good at, what they gravitate to, skills they have that could easily flourish if given the right attention. he can and will, easily, be your biggest hype-man--we see him gas up don several times. he wants to see those he cares about discover where they're strong, and he wants to give them that empowerment and confidence in themselves. i've gestured at this when i talked about his brotp with min-ji, how he cares for her well-being unconditionally. all this to say, raph's likely picked up on gwyn's missing sense of self. as they grow closer--and ESPECIALLY as gwyn/ash's arc comes to a close and they get to start embracing a quieter life--raph would absolutely start helping gwyn take better notice of what things make her happy. not happy for an ulterior reason--things that genuinely make HER. happy. raph doesn't like being lied to--he can be a walking lie-detector--and i can see that gently coming into use if gwyn starts to say she likes something because she thinks it'd appease someone they're around, and him finding subtle ways to be like "...y'sure?". not to like... manipulate her or anything, but more to steer her to being more genuine and authentic with how she feels about something? if that makes sense??? getting to be a part of her... finding herself... being confident and happy and finally feeling connected to her own soul?

and then we have his side of things, where he's presently leaning hard into the shield and protector role. gwyn... doesn't like that.

ash died throwing herself in front of gwyn. she got stabbed shielding gwyn's body with her own. gwyn does NOT want people taking hits meant for her--especially if they're someone she's grown close to. raph's done this for her once already, and they got in an argument over it that only ended when gwyn said "they won't lose you because of me" and "you're more than a glorified meat shield".

since gwyn's best friends with mikey, she's NO DOUBT picked up on how much mikey looks up to raph, and how raph's his best bud. since she's learned how to read people like books, i'm sure she's noticed the silent appreciation and respect don and leo have for him, too, when he goes out of his way to do things for them, or when he just seems to know to spend time with them, or how attentive he is. she loves enabling mikey's braggart moments when it comes to his championship, but don't think YOU'RE off the hook, raphael. she sees all those 'small' things you do, and she will find ways to praise you for them in the presence of others and uplift you. you're trying to play down the work you put into rebuilding mikey's battle nexus trophy since the original was destroyed with the second lair? oh, bet--she's gonna make sure the others know the trouble you went to in order to make it as authentic as possible. you are SEEN.

gwyn definitely thinks SHE needs to earn any love she gets--love for her must be earned because she's essentially a curse. if she wants to be treated like anything but that, she has to prove herself. perhaps, hypocritically, she knows this isn't the case for others. where raph thinks he might need to fill a role or contribute somehow to the family unit and not be "dead weight", gwyn would push back and tell him that he doesn't need to do any of that bullshite. he's already doing so much by just being there and by being who he is. she can't comprehend applying this to herself because she was BORN a curse, but raph is already adored by his family--he doesn't NEED to do anything--his presence in the room is a pillar of strength and his family feels empowered by the simple fact that he's standing at their side. she sees that--easily. she's felt it, herself. the sense of security he grants those around him who know he'll stand beside them without flinching for no other reason than he loves them.

which, again, is an extremely difficult concept for her to wrap her head around when it comes to herself. befriending mikey was a huge step toward even opening her mind to this idea, as he would emphasize that he and his brothers want gwyn and ash around for no other reason than the privilege of knowing them. if mikey hadn't given her the space and patience and kindness to come around to accepting that it was possible for someone to stay by her side--expecting nothing in return--for no other reason than they wanted her around, then it'd be even harder for her to believe that raph would extend that to her as well. because, again, she and raph are both heavily guarded people--and they no doubt clocked that in each other immediately.

another common-ground point i feel like they have is that sense of being """the problem child""" or an '"""inferior sibling""" (gwyn is the 'parasitic twin', and it's not lost on me that raph's rebuttal when he starts getting angry about losing is sometimes "you think you're better than me?"). they're both used to, and often willing, to play the part of a scapegoat. we've seen raph do it in-series, and gwyn has absolutely taken the fall for ash as kids, so ash could continue to keep what little of the community's good graces she had. they both get what it feels like to be "the family screw up". there's a lack of judgment and silent understanding there. they also have similar ways of processing their emotions when they get heightened, but gwyn's more tapped into her emotional state and is better at identifying WHICH strong emotion she's feeling and figuring out how to "best" manage it in order to navigate the situation and her surroundings. it'd give her insight into what raph experiences when he feels strongly--allowing her to be patient with him and vigilant of what he responds to--and she over time extends this knowledge and these tools to him to help him with his temper. and where gwyn won't hesitate to hurt someone if it means protecting someone she loves or to protect herself, i think... i think she'd realize pretty fast that despite all his barking, raph's bite isn't like hers. she can hurt, compartmentalize or rationalize, and walk away. if raph hurt someone--and ESPECIALLY if he did it while in a heightened/anger-triggered state--it'd haunt him. even if it was someone she wanted to see pay for something they did, she'd hold raph back. not because it's the """right thing to do""", but because it's helping and, in a way, protecting him. when he comes back down, cools off, he's grateful for this.

there's, of course, the understanding of just how invaluable eachother's families are to them. they both come from perspectives where, for a LONG time, their family was all they had and all they expected to have. raph understands where gwyn's coming from when it comes to the lengths she'll go to get ash back--HE'S faced that before when don double-mutated. and likewise, gwyn gets to a point she wouldn't take any of the turtles choosing each other over her as like... a personal attack or an act of betrayal. she gets it, because she'd pick ash first, too. i think that's ...kind of a 'flaw' both the turtles and gwyn/ash share, is that they're always going to have a bias toward their family units. and gwyn and raph get that when it comes to each other. it doesn't mean an impossible choice like that would hurt any less, more so the sting afterward wouldn't come with resentment. it's another one of those unspoken understandings. their siblings are their worlds, and they can never turn their backs to them. and it's also because of that understanding that the other's sibling(s) becomes a part of that world, too. like... i've talked about what mikey means to gwyn. she also respects the everloving FUCK out of leo, and has a lot of admiration for don. and ash's lack of autonomy and agency alone is enough to make raph protective of her; as she comes out of her shell more, he comes to love her dry and strange sense of humor and also loves getting into random, petty banter with her. and, obviously, the weight of the sacrifice she made in the first place isn't lost on him. you KNOW he respects the hell out of the unshaken loyalty and love she showed to gwyn throughout their youth, even when it came at the cost of friendships, opportunities to learn, and participation in community celebrations.

and also just... the concept of these two people who're used to being "handled" so roughly finding tenderness and safety with each other. the fact that i don't think ANYONE aside from ash has told gwyn outright that they love her, and the day that raph says "i love you" to her is kind of world-shattering in a sense, because it goes against everything she was ever told or lead to believe or had come to believe about herself because of what she's done to stay alive. and she'd just... start crying... not because she's sad, more just because she's so... overwhelmed and feeling so much all at once that her body just. starts. crying. and of course he holds and anchors her through it.

i just

the fact so much of this only exists in my own skull is torture and torment and i want more time and energy to put it on paper so my random bouts of affection aggression make sense to more people than just myself and i feel slightly less annoying clawing at the walls, gnawing the floorboards, skittering about the leaves and burrowing in the dirt.

these slow, slow burn bitches, i hate them. get out of my school. i could keep going but i've lost track of how deep in the weeds i am so i'll just stop here. if you got all the way to the end... uh... i'm so sorry and also thank you so frickin much, oh my god >xDDDD

[redstringraven]

pov your partner's about to turn the farmhouse bathroom into a toad paradise (aka hiding our sins from april's holy peepers pt 87).

[redstringraven]

4 (👀), 7, and 8 for Raph n Gwen!

\TuT/ !!! aaa THANK YOU!!! i wound up spending most of my art time on commission work today, but i'll try to get a few associated doodles up tomorrow!

shipping ask game

4) who handles bugs and how?

ngl, i was really hoping this one would be asked. >xD i've got a series of mini-comics in the works for this topic. an excuse to talk about it!!! gwyn handles the bugs. i know: stop the presses. she has a strong love and respect for animals. the bugs of 3rd earth are similar to fae-creatures in liáfsini; they're considered guardian spirits, as they're known for guiding lost children out of the woods or leading help to another who's trapped or injured. because of this, gwyn tends to treat certain bugs with special care and delicacy (she knows they're not the same as the guardian spirits, but their familiarity draws out a tenderness for something she considers sacred). she does tease raph about his hatred of bugs from time to time, but it never becomes antagonistic. more of a gentle, affectionate ribbing while she ushers a stray spider into her palm. she appreciates being called to remove an intruder in lieu of more aggressive action. raph remains just as hostile towards bugs as he is in canon throughout gwyn and ash's story arc. it's only after the arc has finished, after he and gwyn have cautiously and carefully began cultivating a relationship, that he approaches her and asks for help in overcoming this particular hatred. the liáfsian guardian spirits are sacred to the realm and its people, after all. if they're important to her, he wants to respect them... which means he can't be reflexively swatting at them or cursing their existence should he come across one. the series of mini-comics will basically be gwyn trying to help him desensitize through slow exposure. ...here. cup your hands together and i'll rest my hand in yours while this bug crawls around my fingers. mikey calls it a "roly-poly". it's harmless. don't worry, i won't let it touch you; just worry about watching it, getting to know it. we'll take the next step when you're ready. ...this approach of hers has backfired a handful of times, of course. y'know. wasps exist. so do mosquitos. much as she'd love to be snow white, some animals just don't give a fuck. and from now on: it's on sight.

7) what's something they're afraid to tell each other?

for gwyn, it... basically boils down to a number of things she's done to survive. the more she got to know the boys and their father, the more she would learn about their views on 'honor'. in the earlier periods of their time together, she wouldn't have held any shame in her willingness to fight dirty, among other things. dying with 'honor' is still... dying. and gwyn has held the mentality that "if i die, ash dies" for a long, long time. she's killed, she's broken trust, she's done "the wrong thing", and she's taken advantage of the kindness or naivety of others (this has absolutely contributed to her being protective of mikey and leo--especially leo, as he's prone to seeking out the good in others even when they don't deserve it). since befriending the turtles, she's found herself wanting to be more like them. they've instilled a kind of hope in her that she's never known before, and it sometimes leads to her putting them up on a moral pedestal. this causes her to feel even more ashamed of the things she's done to stay alive. ...cripes, while she was stealing resources from others who may have needed them, they were risking everything to stop an intergalactic war criminal from escaping their planet. and for what? almost no one even knows they exist. ...what right do i have to intrude on their lives? let alone accept their help? for raph, it may be obvious but: his temper. losing agency to his anger is something he's both fearful and ashamed of. and while he has gotten better at managing it, that doesn't erase moments in his past that still haunt him (nor does it mean the problem is completely gone). gwyn has a habit of enabling mikey when he gets on his ~battle nexus champion~ bouts, and, while raph plays along--'hating' that mikey won--there's a part of him that desperately hopes she'll never hear that mikey beat him. and it is. VERY important to note that this dread is less founded in the fact mikey beat him and entirely founded in how mikey beat him. because he gave in to his temper again. it's not who he lost to, it's what he lost to. it's that he let a major weakness of his not only be exploited, but that he let it take control. and god FORBID she ever find out about the time he attacked mikey in a blind rage. she is the one other person he knows who understands what it's like to harbor such a fierce, devoted love toward ones siblings... to lash out at one of them so mindlessly? she'd be disgusted. at this point in his life, raph is also dealing with the worry of being "dead weight" when it comes to the brothers as a unit. he recognizes leo's ability to lead and negotiate and strategize, that mikey's much more competent than he lets on and has a desire to make the world better, and that don makes up for his weakness in a fight with his strength in just about any other area--including literal physical strength. as raph once told min-ji: "when we were kids, it was easier. havin'… a place you took. or a thing you did". he feels like he's falling behind in a sense, and he doesn't know what to do about it. which, in his eyes, is weakness. she can't know about that.

8) who cooks, and are they good at it?

most of the cooking around the lair is done by either leo or mikey. when raph cooks, he cooks comfort or savory food, and he's almost always making it for someone else he thinks needs it. he's REALLY good at it. fills your belly and leaves you warm. bless'm. gwyn isn't bad at cooking, per say, more she's unfamiliar with 3rd earth ingredients and also hasn't had the resources to cook for herself in a long time. she's out of practice. what food she's gotten in the past was usually stolen, foraged, or something she sweet-talked her way into getting (i.e., dine and dash, leaving the other person with the bill). she IS getting better, though! i imagine she and ash would love joining mikey and leo in the kitchen to make meals.

[redstringraven]

thought i'd participate in tmntvday since i've done some art of these two but haven't properly introduced them yet or whatever. OTP questions/prompts for week 1 under the cut!

[ID: a digital drawing of raph and a taller, purple-haired girl (gwyn, an oc). they're sitting on the ground in 'opposite' directions, raph reclined so his back and head are resting in her lap and he's looking up at her, smiling. she's smiling back down at him, and they both appear relaxed and at ease with each other. /END ID]

1) in which TMNT universe does your pairing exist?

the 2003 iteration because that's the only sandbox i play in.

2) introduce us to your OTP.

the idiot turtle is raphael and the lady-himbo is gwyneth. raph is from 3rd earth, and gwyn is from liáfsini, which is a world of my own making/kind of a world-between-worlds or nexus situation.

3) how did they meet?

in the most blunt, nutshell and to-the-point way possible: gwyn and her twin-sister-trapped-in-a-weapon are on the run from this druid (darach) from liáfsini, and she happened to cross onto earth. one of darach's hench-critters mistook casey for gwyn, the boys got wrapped up in a fight, gwyn intervened because she was like hey i probably shouldn't let these guys get wasted, they beat the hench-critter and got a chance to talk after.

they didn't really get along at first on account of raph being protective of his family and suspicious, so he was asking questions, and gwyn being paranoid about their intentions and not liking that she was being asked so many questions. terrible job everyone. ...again, this is an extremely condensed version of events.

4) how is the relationship now?

again, i feel like i have to give a very condensed version because there are a lot of moving parts, here. but essentially they're doing great. gwyn and raph develop a high level of trust and respect for each other, which then leads into a slow-burn/careful cultivation of more romantic-leaning feelings. they don't have much of a 'pining period', it's much more small 'pebbles' being thrown at each other's windows.

eventually one night at the farmhouse they catch themselves staring at the other a bit too long and both them realize kind of at the same time "...--oh fuck", awkwardly go their separate ways for the evening, but in the morning when neither of them act differently around each other they silently agree "...okay, let's try this" and step into a relationship. how long it takes everyone around them to notice the shift is anyone's guess because neither of them are much for PDA.

5) what is each other's love language?

raph's love languages for 'giving' are acts of service and quality time. gwyn's for 'giving' are physical touch and acts of service.

raph's love languages for 'receiving' are words of affirmation and physical touch. gwyn's are words of affirmation and quality time.

quality time and acts of service are the two that tend to be the most prevalent in their relationship, giving or receiving.

their own, personal, 'love language' is taking naps together. neither of them are people who trust easy or like appearing 'vulnerable’, so the act of sleeping in the same space as one another is a big gesture for both of them. and raph’s snoring doesn’t bother gwyn that much; it actually almost tethers her to the present and makes it harder for her to slip into a night terror or experience sleep paralysis.

6) do they get married or have any kids?

no and no. i don't think the concept of marriage is important to either of them, even if they could probably do it in liáfsini. i can see them doing something to symbolize that they're together--like, the concept of rings but something different and tied to liáfsian culture--but actually going through with legal/official marriage or a ceremony? nah.

as for having kids, they can't biologically have kids of their own, and i don't see them actively looking to adopt, either. best chance of them having a kid is "what's with this sassy, lost child?" and accidentally wind up found-family adopting some snarky orphan on a mission or something idk.

7) what is your favorite thing about this pairing? (gush as much as you want!)

*just kind of stands here with my microphone* ... disaster bis on the ace spectrum. goongala. *the crowd goes wild*

[redstringraven]

#tmntvday - music & firsts

~*~

“Could I kiss you?”

Raph stiffened.

Moonlight bathed the lake’s surface in a thin silver sheet. A pair of loons drifted along the opposite side of the water, their presence so gentle that they left no more than one or two ripples in their wake. Light from the farmhouse bloomed through the far trees like the glow of a fire. Here and there, lazy fireflies would wander out of the glow; tiny, living sparks from a flame. Summer wind whispered through the trees, its voice audible during pauses from croaking frogs and crickets.

A shivering sensation crept through Raph's forearms and into his shoulders. He couldn't tell if the wind had carried it in, or if Gwyn's question had drawn it out of him. He turned his head and caught her eyes: bright, teal crescents glowing against an oddly soothing black.

Gwyn smiled, her palmed cheek causing one eye to squint.

Raph realized she was waiting for an answer, and he inhaled. "...huh?"

Her smile widened.

“Could I kiss you?” She repeated, a ghost of a laugh coloring her tone.

Raph’s eyes darted around, searched the lakeside, the treeline, the bushes and dock for any peeping eyes. He found none. “I… uh…”

“It’s okay if you say no.” Her voice came quieter, like a firm, grounded hand on the shoulder. Assuring.

They’d been doing 'this' a few months, now. This… careful, cautious cultivation of trust and love.

It’d started, here, at this very lake. Restless despite the day's activities and eager for fresh air, they'd slipped out of the farmhouse while the others watched a movie. A walk down the forest path later, they'd arrived at the water's edge. They'd talked. About their siblings, the challenges ahead... somehow, they stumbled onto the topic of Liáfsini. Gwyn's life there before everything went to hell.

A wall had come down, and something had shown through; something that’d been there for a long time, leaking through the cracks whenever they allowed themselves breaths of vulnerability. Conversation went quiet, and they’d caught each other’s eyes. A tight jolt in the throat--a sudden breathlessness--and the shared realization that they’d been staring for just a little too long. Just a little too openly. Just a little too tender.

Quick sputtering, tongue-tied with excuses, they’d retreated to the farmhouse and gone their separate ways, unable to fall asleep once in the safety of their beds. But the following morning they talked as though nothing had happened. While traces of awkward moments came and went, there'd never been a cloud of discomfort. They hadn’t needed to say it to each other. It’d been a quiet, unspoken agreement to give ‘this’ a try.

Again, Raph searched the shadows of the woods. Another slow breeze trickled through the leaves, but, aside from their swaying shapes, the forest remained still. A loon’s call rose on the other side of the lake. Energy balled in his stomach, and his heart shivered behind his ribs. The lake's chill prickled his skin despite how warm he suddenly felt. He could almost taste the wet earth on the air.

Raph realized he was smiling, and he exhaled a faint laugh. “...yeah.”

He pulled his arms off his knees and pressed his hands into the dirt and grass, rotating himself to face her. Gwyn scooted closer to face him in full. Their knees bumped, and his breath caught.

A rush of panic hit him like a cold bucket of water. He tried to remember every single movie he’d ever watched where the leads wound up kissing but couldn’t pull a single damn scene out of his brain. --which. Was probably good. It was acting, after all--fake and played up. ...His mouth felt dry. His stomach fluttered and knotted.

“--do,” he blurted, and he flinched at the volume in his own voice, “--do I need t’do anything?”

Gwyn’s smile softened. “Not if you don’t want to.”

...He’d kind of been hoping for some hint at direction.

Raph's eyes darted to her lips and back up again. “Okay.”

“Do you remember the deò?” Gwyn asked.

A Liáfsian gesture; when two people touched foreheads and shared the same breath. That, on its own, was a humble sign of gratitude or regard. But Ash had alluded to there being a more intimate version of it. Like the difference in a greeting kiss on the cheek verses a kiss on the lips. Raph nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Gwyn said. She lifted a hand toward his face, but she paused. Her smile faltered. “You’re so tense.”

Raph twitched, realizing the muscles in his neck and shoulders had tightened. He willed them to relax again, exhaled through his nose, and shook himself out. “--I’m fine.”

“We don’t have to--”

“--’m fine.”

Gwyn tilted her head, her brows raised in question.

Raph rolled his lips together. He forced himself to hold her gaze even as his face and neck began to feel impossibly hot. She began to withdraw her hand, and he huffed.

“I just,” he stuttered. “I don’t. I dunno what I’m doin’." Then quieter. "…--I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

“You don't have to do anything,” Gwyn said gently.

Raph chewed his inner cheek. “Yeah. But…”

“Hey.” Gwyn smirked, tapping the underside of his chin with the side of her finger. “You’re not gonna believe this? But you’re overthinking it.”

Raph snorted, chuckling despite himself. “Nah, I’d never.”

“Mn, but you are.”

“I don’t think, Gwyn, that's Don's wheelhouse. I just do.”

Gwyn’s smile widened. “Exactly.”

“...heh.” Raph ducked his head and shook it. “...fer pete’s sake.”

Another serene wail of a loon drifted across the lake. Like a hand on the shoulder, it soothed and cooled the burning nerves under his skin. His heartbeat hadn’t slowed, but he looked up anyway. “I’m fine.”

He must have sounded or looked a little more convincing, because Gwyn’s smile warmed. She nodded, and, again, she reached toward his face.

Gwyn's thumb ghosted over his lips, and she molded her hand to curve of his jaw. Her thumb caressed his cheek as her hand slid around to cradle the back of his head. She waited, and, when he didn’t pull away, a tender pressure on his neck guided him forward. Raph let his eyes close as their foreheads touched, and he let go of the breath he’d been holding. Gwyn’s exhale brushed against his chin, but he remained still.

For a moment, his nerves settled. Then Gwyn’s forehead shifted against his, and his stomach jumped. A wave of jitters flew up his spine and spread through his shoulders. Again, she paused, and again, he remained still.

The touch of her lips against his was warm. It sent a new surge of energy through his chest, overwhelming and vibrant. He’d felt similar rushes--a weightlessness in his stomach during bullheaded stunts, the swell when he gunned the shell-cycle and tore through the streets--but nothing quite like this. It was unnerving how something so small and soft drew the same intensity to the surface. The risk, while not cold cement three stories down nor an oblivious vehicle on the road, was still present.

And, just like all the risks before? He couldn’t have cared less.

Gwyn pulled away. He opened his eyes to see her studying his face. She was smiling.

“You okay?” She murmured.

Raph blinked. He smiled and ducked his head with a breathy chuckle. His hands flexed open and shut as the nerves in his fingertips buzzed. “Yeah.”

His chest felt overtaken by his own heartbeat. The warmth that’d been pooled in his face and neck had spread to every inch of him. He couldn’t stop smiling. He didn’t want to, either.

“...I, uh…” He’d never been at a loss for words in a good way. “...I…”

Raph looked up. He rolled his lips together and searched her face. Despite the blackened ‘whites’ of her eyes, they were shining. Glossed over and soft. Her smile, which had started small and cautious, now blossomed, its warmth emphasized by the glow of her hair and bioluminescence trailing through her skin. Raph knew, in that moment, that this wasn’t one of her masks. The adoration in her stare was genuine. The curve in her smile, sincere. And all at once, the rush hit him again--somehow crisper, more focused than before.

Raph’s eyes dropped to her lips. He met her gaze, and her expression melted. She nodded her head.

He hesitated. Then, he lifted a hand.

Just as Gwyn had before, Raph touched his thumb to her lips. It caught as he brushed it to the corner of her mouth, wrinkling the soft skin, and his chest flinched. Raph huffed--worried that his hand might start twitching or shaking as it slid to cradle her jaw. But Gwyn’s smile never faltered. It didn’t curl into something more mischievous or teasing. It grew fonder, and she nodded as his hand found nape of her neck.

Again, he caught himself hesitating. Gwyn hummed under her breath. “...forehead to forehead.”

She leaned just enough to cue him, and he guided her head to his. Their foreheads bumped. He closed his eyes, letting out the shaken breath he’d been holding. Gwyn’s exhale brushed against his chin, just as before.

He let everything else sink away. The lake, the soft loon-song, the hum of the crickets, even an awareness of passing time. Focused only on the slow rhythm of his breath and hers. The warmth of her head against his. The tension in his shoulders sank away.

Carefully, he tilted his head. He twitched as his beak bumped her nose. She laughed, but not cruelly; a warm and airy sound that soothed the momentary flash of panic into excitement. Her laugh trailed off as his lips found hers, replaced with a sigh. A ripple of light-headedness swept over him; the energy and heat and excitement coursing through him become overwhelming. Euphoric.

Their lips parted. Raph inhaled, his fingers curling in her hair against the slope of her neck. He opened his eyes to find hers still closed, and a wide, lovely smile spread over her lips.

She chuckled and raised her brows without opening her eyes.

“See?” She breathed. “Don’t think.”

Raph laughed despite himself. He closed his eyes again and let himself drift forward until their foreheads touched again. One of her hands found the hand still resting in his lap, and their fingers linked. Raph gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and he nodded once.

“...just do.”

i was mostly going for week 3's prompt "firsts", but i might as well also mention/link the music i listened to obsessively while writing/drawing for this.

so, for week 2's prompt "music", here are the tracks: • labyrinth, taylor swift • sinking friendships, jónsi • a trial of crows and blood, dead melodies • navigating, auralen (feat. slyleaf & WYDNR)

this is also over on ao3 if you wanna throw me a kudos, but i'm not your mom ✌🌷