#;terryyoon

[haebxtna]

Your Smile Shines

“He was different. There was something about him that made him the one star to shine in a sky with a million that went unnoticed. It was the way he carried his heart in his eyes. And it sparkles; it shines brightly whenever paired with that smile. And he is the most beautiful when he does.”

BE HAPPY: From now on, we’ll share more smiles and laughter than tears.                     ( We’ll try. We’ll always try. )           « birthday playlist »  @antipsychx

        01 Two Less Lonely People – Air Supply

        02 Like You – Tatiana Manaois

        03 목요일 밤 -어반자카파

        04 I’ll be there -스피카

        05 Tired – Alan Walker

        06 I’m Your Angel – Celine Dion

        07 겨울아이 -수지

[haebxtna]

Let me give you a bit of what’s left on my sunshine. @antipsychx

       Trembling fingers, fiddling, scratching each other in a battle of haste and chaotic patterns. At that very moment, she doesn’t know what to act, how to act. Because there is nothing else that occupies her mind (or rather, there’s nothing else that could greatly distract her) but the trepidation that quickly sinks in at the news spilled on a coincidental bump with Julie.

      Fear, worry, guilt made her thoughts run wild, made her headaches worse, made her mind sprint in sequences of how, what, why, when, what ifs, all rambled in a chaotic mess that seams into her previous apprehensions. But this one is alarming. Far worse. And she could not just let herself stay put.

      She needed to see him. (She needs him.)

      There’s a rumble reverberating in her chest – pulsations of worries that ticks twice, close to thrice, each second, while in her sealed lips are quivers of words, phrases in continuous contemplation. What to say? How should I look? Smile? Cry? Ask? Are you okay? You’re not severely hurt? Everything will be alright.. ?

      What are the right words to say?

      But he’s there, melancholy swirling around his honey brown orbs, vigor drawn out of a flesh bag as she walks towards him. A lost set of eyes look through her but she dispels it for a moment. What’s important is that she has finally seen him – benumbed but breathing.

      That’s what matters.

      “Terry...”

      It takes one push… and another. Each of her step urges her to pull her lips wider and wider and wider. And when the distance closes off, when she could clearly see his pale face does the smile finally reaches her lips.

      And so does a tear..  

      Are you okay?

      “I’m glad you’re okay.”

      I’m sorry I wasn’t there.

[haebxtna]

Send🌙 for a moodboard of our muses || not accepting sorry! | @trouvxilles

Terrence Yoon & Yoo Haebitna

“Just A Little Blue”

“There’s a reason why tears fall, right?” “They were never meant to stay in our eyes anyway.” “We’ll wash it all away.”

[haebxtna]

[ all the text things x2 !! ]

send symbolsfor a text message || accepting! | @antipsychx​

✉ :2 AM text

📨: 절친🤴      I look at the moon and I thought of you.It shines amidst the dark. It’s beautiful!!

📨 : 절친🤴      I’m getting sentimental. I swear I amnot drunk. At least not in alcohol. ???

✘ :unsent text

📨 : 절친🤴     Terry. Help me. I don’t even knowhow to handle my emotions anymore. Everything just… hurts.

📨 : 절친🤴     Have you ever felt like you have tochoose between two things? And you just… don’t want to lose either?

☠ : threatening message

📨 : 절친🤴      OMG!!! Terry!! If that photo leaks outI WILL GO TO YOUR ROOM AND BREAK ALL OF YOUR CIGARS!! 

📨 : 절친🤴      That or I will TRY ALL OF THEM!! I might die if I do. Do you wannasee me die?? ;;

❤ : affectionate message

📨 : 절친🤴       I’m currently at the rooftop ofthe hotel we’re staying and I just wish that you were here. You know, it’s a goodplace to scream your heart out! Also, because I miss you ❣

📨 : 절친🤴       Good morning!! Rise and shine!! A friendly reminderfrom your lovely sunshine that you should smile today! And that you should eat a lot! And that you should hydrate yourself well! And that you should go out andhave some coffee outside! It’s a great day! And that I’m always just a call (or text)away ❣

[haebxtna]

☎ !!

   Symbolmeme || accepting! | @antipsychx

☎: For a drunk phone call.

         Inebriation is just a state of mind –where thoughts are swirling, even treading to haphazard lines and circles.There are no walls, no inhibitions, no control. A state of mind where one couldlose their mind temporarily.Imagine how a substance could do such thing to one’s mind.

         Imagine how a small amount ofsubstance does to a small body with asmaller alcohol intolerance.

         Threeempty bottles of soju, one big hollow mug of Cass, and a bottle of Bacardiemptied half-way.

          Ahead bobbing up and down, fighting the drowsiness as a series of rings invades her ear. Right ear. Her mobile phone pressedrather deeply onto it.

          “He….lloooooooooooo?”

          “He..llllooooooo.”

          “Heeeeelllloooooooo!!!!”

            Whenthe soft sound of breathing (a familiar pattern) is heard, she gives no timefor a response. Knows already who it is.Confirms that he’s there, behind his own mobile phone, eyes may still bedrooping and lethargic, but he’s there. Shecould hear him breathing, softly, then deeply. As though he instantlyrecognized his caller at 5 in the morning without looking at the screen.

            Haebitna’s voice, her drunk voice,is too distinct not to be recognized. Byhim, of all people.

            “Terry!Terry! Teeeerrrrrrryyyy!! Terrence Yoon!!! Can you hear me? You’re there right?You can hear me! I know you can! I can hear you breathin’ from over here! Did Iwake you up?? Omo. Did I? But it’s okay! It’s….” she checks her watch. A plainguess but accurate. She must’ve counted the hours by the bottles she had on thetable. “It’s five in the morning!Rise and shine!!!”

             There’s a light groan at the end of the line. He’s listening.

              He always does.

             “Terry! Let metell you something! Heeeeeeeee. I’m.. I don’t know. I’m not drunk! But… I’vehad… like.. one.. two.. three! Three bottles of soju!! They have this berrysomething variant that tastes like child medicine. Ehehehe it’s funny. It feelslike I’ve drank one bottle of cough syrup. And it’s… not yummy… but not bad either.Have you tried this?? We should try this one! Like… now? You want? Oh but doyou have classes? Or work today? As for me. Wow. Wait. What day is it today?OMO! It’s Saturday!! I have no classes! Do you??”

              Shetakes the bottle of Bacardi. Examines it on one hand. Shakes it and lets thecontents swirl around. The way herthoughts swirl around her.

               “Have..you ever… been drunk?? Like.. this level? .. Do I sound like drunk? I feel likeI know what I am saying.. But I just can’t control it.. Like.. you know. The sameas on the Han River before. Except that … I’ve got too much to say right now!!Would you listen?? Terry~~”

                 Is thateven a question? He would.

                “Soyou see… I’m.. feeling very happy right now! I’m laughing! For the past hour Ifind myself laughing as I recall things over shots of soju. And people werelaughing with me! Or are they snickering? I don’t know. But it seems they’relaughing. So yes, they’re laughing! They’re laughing with me! And it’s funny!Really…. Really.. reaaaaallly funny!! Don’t you think?”

                She takes a swig from the bottle. Just a little amount. Enough to feelthe burning sensation run from her mouth through her throat.

                “It’s easy to feel happy!! To laugh! Right? You always see me laugh. Ican laugh whenever I want to. But… It doesn’t seem too easy to be happy. I feel happy right now. Ifeel so much so that I find myself laughing. But at the same time, tears fellfrom my eyes. OMG. I’m laughing and crying at the same time! Can you imaginethat, Terry? Hahahaha. Okay. That’s Weird. Really weird. I’m weird!!”

                There’s a warmth running down her cheeks.

                “I’memotional right now. Hehehe Terry. Do you want me to send a photo of myselfright now? Hahh. I look… stupid. Funny.Hahahahaha. I’m… c.. crying.. while laughing. Hahahaha. I’ll take a snap later!I’ll send it through Kakaotalk! Only for you okay!”

                She isn’t sure where the warmth originated. Was it from the amber liquid?The beads on her cheeks? Possibly from the earlier, but she’s too intoxicatedto think about that. Or think about howthe beer affects her. The warmth is intense, Haebitna could feel the heatfrom every inch of her body. Feel andsee. She could also see the ruddiness her skin has become. And no, it isn’tjust a healthy pink blush.

                Red.

                “Uhmm. Terry… Ifeel like I’m getting ugly right now. Ahahaha. Have you seen a human tomato? It’sme! Hahahah! A human tomato laughing and crying! It’s Haebitna! And soon thehuman tomato will swell. Will grow big… will… burst! Bam!”

                Her skin rises, puffiness emerging from her hands up to her face. Theprickliness is coming in too, adding to the party of her alcohol symptoms.

                 “I’m… sleepy Terry.. I can sleep here but..  it’s.. very uncomfortable. And omo… the owneris looking at me with dagger on his eyes! Oh no! But… I can’t.. sleep… here.. Do you…want…… uh.. do.. you want…to.. drink??? I’ve got… uhmm wait.. lemme see. Hmmm. Morethan a half.. Bacardi…. Let’s.. drink Terry!!! Terry….. Terry… Ter….rryyy..”

                Silence grows heavy in that few seconds of stillness, before a laughterescapes from her end, soft, gentle, weak. And then the silence continues asher mobile phone greets the cold table the same way her face did.

                Can we drink once more? Can weforget once more?

[haebxtna]

geborgenheit

wordstuckdrabble prompts || forever accepting! | @trouvxilles​

geborgenheit: to feel completely safe, like nothingcould ever harm you; security, comfort, trust, satisfaction, acceptance andlove from others.  

          It is of hands over the other.

          There is warmth, pure warmth with heat passing ontocold skin. Feeling, sharing the heat even if it makes one less warm, just tomake the other a little less cold. It is tearing a piece of self and offeringit to the other. For nothing in return.Altruistic. It’s always like that.

“Are you still cold?”

“Not anymore.” Thankyou.

         It is of eyes that look up in the sky.

         Two pair of orbs soaring high, trying to find the starsfrom the black canvass that hovers above them. Trying to pick a star. Trying totake a chance for a glimpse of a meteor rain. Trying to find a light in thedark. That’s how they’ve been - seeing the positive amidst the gloom of lifeand all of their circumstances. It’s hard, as hard as catching a shooting star.But they’d always do so. One with the other.

“Look! Over there!”

“Let’s make a wish.”

         It is of hair sprawled over the green grass.

         His black strands and her blonde ones, almost as thoughcoiled together but it’s not. Just beautifully, just artfully laid, like spilledfresh paint over canvass. Chaoticallybeautiful. Different colors intertwined. It is what makes her. It is what makes him. It’s what makes themboth.

“I don’t know if people told you already about this,but to me, you’re very beautiful.” In everysingle way.

“Hmm..”

         It is of thin arms rested next to each other, seeminglyparallel but ends meeting together.

         They are thin, his, and hers. His lacks muscularity,what usually is deemed as a criteria that makes a person physically strong.Hers as well, a bit too thin, too short. But these arms are thinand flexible. Like bamboo. Resilient. Willnever falter. No matter how thin his are and how short hers are. These arms arenot made for combat, but these arms are made to protect each other. In little ways they can.

“You suck at throwing punches.”

“I know. But I’d still throw them.” For you. For me. For us.

         It is of two seemingly different people lying on thegrass, next to each other on one cold night, empty bottles scrambled around them. Two people whotakes a slice of a moment, away from the doom the night held, away from thebustling city lights, the demanding and harsh reality that is life. It’s justthem.

         The world dissolves in the background, and there are onlyHaebitna and Terry.

         They cannot hurtus. Nothing is going to take this serenity we have albeit momentary.

“Terry?”

“Hmmm?”

“You know I’mproud of you right?” She need not elaborate, he knows why.

“I know.”

“You know that I trust you right?” He is one of the very few whom she could say she trusts wholeheartedly.

“Uh huh.”

“You know that I love you, right?” He’s a person deservingof love, from hers and from a lot more.

“Hmm.”

         Fists bump with each other as eyes met, and theylet out a series of obnoxious laughter, which soon declines into smiles beforethey turn their gaze back at the starry night.

          And in thatmomentary inebriation, everything felt…perfect.They are invulnerable. Invincible.

[haebxtna]

"Letting someone see you that vulnerable, it's a scary thing."

 Deep Ass Starters | | always accepting!

Weakness. Why do they even have to exist?

It is athought that lingered on her, even on her earlier years when her own frailtywas deliberately laid out to her. She could clearly remember the first time itwas engraved in her brain. She heard laughter, all of which were caused byridicules directed at her. Because shewas small. Because she looked like a midget. Because her eyes were weird.Because she was different. Because she didnot belong there. While few people would’ve wanted herto protect herself, she couldn’t. First, it was pretty obvious that she wouldnever win. She was different – that itself separated her from them and they’ve madeit a point to let Haebitna knew how inferior she was compared to them. Second,the first time she tried retaliating, she found herself receiving more insults,worsening each time she strikes back. What could she do? Nothing. Her only option was to laugh with them, to agree with every ridicule and made them believe that she accepts them.

When shedid, somehow people think she was quite cool, even for a bit. Cool in a sense thatshe could even laugh despite all the icy words that sliced through her self-esteem.Truth be told, she had wanted to cry every time, she had wanted them to know thetorment each time a ball of crumpled paper was thrown at her, each time shesees her table vandalized, or her notebooks returning to her with torn pages.But tears are the ultimate sign of weakness – and shedding them would onlygive them a strong signal – that they affect her, that their words matters,that they are way superior to her and that they can do it again and again andagain. Because her tears won’t stop them – itfurther provokes them.

It is forthis very reason that Haebitna strove to keep her emotions to herself,painting her face with a splash of smiles and positivism. Because, exactly as thewords spoken by the long-haired male sitting in front of her, exposing yourvulnerability is a scary thing. “Indeed itis… frightening, terrifying even. For it means leaving yourself bare andserving yourself on a silver platter, ready to be harmed, be broken, or worse,be destroyed.” Little did she know, the smile that she habitually plasteredon her face somehow faded, her lips now pressed thin and brows knitted together.Her mind wandered and it took a while before she realized how her inner thoughtsescaped through her lips unknowingly. She looked back at the man, his blankeyes staring at nothingness, as though he himself drifted away with histhoughts on the question he voiced. “Haveyou ever done that? I mean.. exposing your vulnerability to someone?”