#[mostly]

[calkestis]

#rebellions are built on hope alcohol consumption that makes the unbearable weight of a fascist regime somehow manageable 

[0owitheredquinceyo0]

HES SO FUCKING.. CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK.

Sorry aNYWAYYY..

[kikedike]

i wanna read a fic with ilya being like “uh no but fr hayden is being shitty about us being together” and shane is halfheartedly like “yeahhhhh but yknow it’s hard bc he’s my friend and ur my rival so he feels like i should’ve told him and he still kinda hates you anyways” and ilya goes “ok but marlow is in that exact same position and he is thrilled for me and wants details and is teasing me for being in looooove and wants to meet you for drinks and become friends with you so. what’s pike’s excuse.” and shane says “hey that’s right! wtf pike!” and then hayden can get his head out of his ass and realize he’s terrible and try to do better OR he can fall out of a hot air balloon onto a thousand swords, i’m open to either ending :)

[shushashushkin]

ultimate 2026 meme compilation you laugh you lose 🔥

[imheretoreadafic]

When Bruce was new to the whole having children thing, he was always stepping in and trying to break up fights. His resolve was quickly broken, and he just decided to put rules on fighting out problems. No breaking anything, no weapons, no hitting face, neck, or groin, and no knockouts.

Batman leaned against the wall and casually watched as Robin and Red Robin beat the shit out of each other. The JL glanced at each other.

"You... You gonna do something about that, Bats?" Barry asks cautiously.

"It's been a long time coming." Bruce grunts. "Let them handle it." A hit to the jaw lands on Damian, and he shouts at them: "AY, KEEP IT AWAY FROM THE FACE!"

"FUCK OFF!" Tim screams but he doesn't punch Damian in the face again.

Diana nods. "I approve of this parenting technique. Sometimes problems need to be solved with some bruises and blood." Bruce nods as well.

"I've found breaking up their fights just means they still get bruised but no issue is solved." Batman explains and Diana hums thoughtfully.

"Would it not also be adequate to have them duel?"

"No, they do actual damage if i let them have a weapon.

"Ah, I suppose that makes sense."

Everyone is horrified.

[babysitterpng]

i was practicing butchers face and my hand slipped

[confuzing]

It's time for a Tianlang Jun wakes up in his younger self AU.

I was thinking about when exactly he's reborn... And I think I know my preferred time.

Tianlang Jun's sister throws a fit when he barges in to one of her orgies but he just literally stands on her until she tells him where she left the baby.

When he helps his nephew take human form this time he looks to be about 10.

Tianlang Jun hugs his little snephew and then takes his shoulders and tells him, "Your name is Zhuzhi Lang. You're my nephew, and you are never ever allowed to die for me, do you understand?"

He gets a bewildered little nod from Zhuzhi, that's all he needs. It's as good as a promise.

...After that he has to sit and think. About what exactly to do next. He has some time, most of the key players aren't even born yet.

He decides to go about this from multiple angles.

First, his favorite step, he abducts the Old Palace Master at the earliest opportunity and kills him, leaving his corpse abandoned in the wild. (Huan Hua Palace never finds out what happened to him, his seconds manage the palace in his place and the disorganization and infighting keeps Huan Hua Palace a lesser great sect.)

Next, he runs into a monk on the road. Wu Chen is enamored with little Zhuzhi and the three of them have a fascinating conversation... And Demon Emperor Tianlang Jun receives an invite to visit Zua Hua Monastery. He's sure to make regular visits.

He has some time to wait now so he takes things easy. He isn't watching Huan Huan Palace that closely, really he isn't, but he is able to intercept the lost baby ice demon before the humans find him.

Mobei Jun is not pleased when Tianlang Jun visits with his own son in tow but really, if he's not going to watch his children more closely TLJ doesn't see why he shouldn't steal them. He's got a past history of it! (Gestures at Zhuzhi Lang) It's a fun hobby!

He nearly misses the next step in his plan, this is admittedly the part he knows the least about. He finds the boy who will be the next Sect Leader of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect trying to break into a manor house and after scaring him senseless is able to get the whole dramatic story from him.

So he a Zhuzhi Lang terrify the Qiu family long enough for Yue Qi to steal his Xiao Jiu away. (Tianlang Jun recognizes the boy as soon as he sees him. Hello Shen Qingqiu, good to see you again.)

They escort the boys to the mountain too, just to be safe.

After that he waits, and waits and doesn't check who Huan Hua 's head disciple is... And after that very important date passes he resigns himself to this new future. He knew his meddling would change some things, he can live with this.

Years pass, he keeps up with his cultivator friends and does emperor stuff. His sister doesn't die, which is a pleasant surprise. Her 50s seem to mellow her out and she starts making an earnest effort to know her son. Poor Zhuzhi is torn before TLJ tells him that he is not betraying his uncle by having a relationship with his mother.

Now Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan start a very dramatic public relationship, so really it's a good thing there won't be a Luo Binghe in this world. The poor boy would be heartbroken.

He's not heartbroken by the way. He's fine! Totally fine! And he sticks to that story right up until he gets into a fight at a human bar, and takes a rogue cultivator's spiritual energy infused fist to the face.

He lays there on the floor until she comes over to nudge him with her foot.

"I didn't hit you THAT hard did I?" she asks.

She is still so so beautiful. He's missed her so much.

"Alas," he says. "I am incapacitated... Now my attacker can drag me off and have her way with me!"

And to think he had nearly forgotten the way she smiles with her eyes.

"Not interested."

"Oh please? Am I not handsome enough for you?"

Their daughter is born two years later, and TLJ is sure this means there will never be a Luo Binghe...

So you can imagine his shock twelve years later when their second child, a boy, is born and TLJ recognizes the baby staring up at him.

"Ah, hello Binghe."

"Oh that's a nice name, I like it." Demon Empress Su Xiyan says.

He's a little worried the next time they go to visit Cang Qiong Mountain Sect - but then Shen Qingqiu introduces them to his own new baby, only a few months older than Binghe. Shen Yuan and Su Binghe are utterly enamored with each other though. Hopefully that means everything will work out alright... He gets to actually make sure it does this time.