when opportunity knocks... (it tears down the door) | Anika, Gabriel
“You know the answer to that, surely.”
Anika really didn’t appreciate the tone the winged bloody wonder was taking. Something carefully calm, as though he was placating some wild animal. And, fine, she’d rather that than meekness or false patience, but what the hell was wrong with this guy, thinking she’d tell him anything at all? She hadn’t even meant to open up to Flynn, what did it say about the arrogance of this fucker that he thought he was different?
Apparently, her thoughts were written on her face, or he had a surprisingly good grasp of human emotion. The guy really did look like a bit of an idiot, a boy next door sort. But apparently she was biased towards thinking the worst of people, and fuck, she needed to work on that, didn’t she? If she was ever going to be –
No. Fuck that. She wasn’t going to be one of those people who intentionally changed themselves in the hope of appeasing someone she was interested in. She hated people like that. And maybe she hated herself already, but there was no need to make it so she didn’t respect herself too, and –
“Are you okay?”
Fuck no. “What?”
The winged wonder had sat down on the ground between the trees, is what Anika discovered when she actually looked at him, disbelieving. “Are you okay? You tripped.”
“I’m fucking fine.”
“That’s good, I didn’t bring a first aid kit.” What? “And it can’t be easy.”
She stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate. The light from Flynn’s power flared in the corner of her eye, flashing through the narrow visual provided by the trees.
He didn’t disappoint, after a long silence. “...You obviously care about him.”
“Fucking hell.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not fucking ashamed! Have you met him? He’s fucking – blessed, or some shit, with that stupid smirk and the damn personality and the sense of humor and just. Fuck. Brilliant. Fuck you.” She huffed, bristling at the suggestion. That wasn’t what she was feeling so damn off about. It wasn’t. “It’s just none of your goddamn business.”
He had quirked an eyebrow at her. Again. Every judgement she’d internalized over the past few weeks was behind that eyebrow, she was sure of that. Questions of lacking morals, of being too prideful and stubborn and fucking fallible, of not being able to even carry out a stupid misleading con without fucking it up any more. Anika hunched her shoulders, trying to simultaneously make herself smaller and not actually seem smaller. It was a difficult feat, one she had never managed. It was always better to go for one or the other, and not a combination of both.
“Shut up.”
“You jumped to his defense just then,” he pointed out, “not your own.”
“So? It’s not like it means anything.”
The guy hummed noncommittally, shifting in place as Anika watched him absently tug a wing into his lap to, ostensibly, preen or something like it, because the guy was part fucking bird. He was quiet for long enough that she thought maybe he’d dropped it. Of course she was never so lucky. “Actions always mean more than words, in the moment. I’m pretty sure you know that – that everyone knows that. And what did you do tonight? You waited on the step for him for nearly an hour, don’t think I didn’t notice. You apparently were completely honest with him, for the first time in – what, weeks? I think he’s been talking about Ellie for weeks.” If he noticed her flinch yet again at the mention of the name, he didn’t seem inclined to call her out on it. “And you did what he asked and came to get me. And haven’t made a break for it yet.” He smiled wryly. “If Flynn wasn’t the important one tonight, I’d be offended.”
“You’d better be.”
The winged wonder shook his head, apparently not interested in the fight she was trying to pick. “What’re you going to do?”
“If you seriously dragged me out here to talk about my fucking intentions, like Flynn can’t look after himself –“
“Of course I brought you here to talk about that. Of course he can look after himself.” As if to emphasize his point, the sound of cracking trees in the distance cut through his dialogue. Sadly, it didn’t stop him. Of course it fucking doesn’t. “I’m allowed to be worried for my friend, Anika, when I’m pretty sure he’s never opened up to anyone the way he has to you. From what I heard, he told you more than he’s told anyone – and now here you are, having actually admitted that’s not who you are at all. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, might be a first for you, too.”
She didn’t dignify that with a response, instead stuffing her hands into the pockets of the coat, curled into fists.
“Flynn thinks the best thing for him is to only feel mild emotions, I’m pretty sure. He hasn’t said it, but – but he’s afraid of repeating what happened before, if he gets upset. Surely you figured that out? I’ve only seen him really upset once, and we’ve been roommates for five years. But he doesn’t seem to quite be in control when he’s worked up, okay, and I don’t want him to be like this longer than he has to, because you’re messing with him for some twisted joke. Especially not when we both know how much it bothers him.”
She couldn’t take it anymore. The fucking lecture, the speech, whatever it was; she couldn’t take it. “I didn’t do it on purpose!” The winged wonder blinked at her, and she barrelled on, refusing to let him speak, her voice quiet and fast and heated. “It was only meant to be a one off thing! I wasn’t even supposed to talk to anyone when I was in that damn shift, okay, I should’ve shifted the hell out of it right after training but I’m lazy and stupid and incapable of thinking things fucking through,” lie lie lie, the thought to herself, pushing on, “and then I was making up a fucking person for the sole purpose of having a friendly fucking chat with goddamn Flynn fucking whatshisname, and then we had plans and I didn’t want to fucking bail even though that’d have been the decent fucking thing to fucking do, alright, how twisted is that when the polite thing to do is not fucking exist?
“And I had every intention of having Ellie fucking disappear off the fucking planet, to gloat a little in my own private fucking world but no, he has to be fucking charming and different and unlike anyone I’ve actually talked to ever, and fuck you for making me talk about this when I don’t even fucking want to think about it. I’m a shitty person and I’d never do it again, to anyone –“ because I don’t want to feel this much for more than one person; it’d kill me “ – but I wouldn’t fucking stop myself if I could. I’m not glad I did it, but. Fucking but. I’m glad I got to know him. I’m just fucked up enough that there’s no other way I could see myself getting to this fucking point, and even if he hates me for it now, it was fucking worth it to know that even for no time at fucking all.”
The winged wonder started at her; to her complete shock, there was some sort of smile on his face. Not approving, exactly, but not reproachful, either. Like he was pleased with her somehow. But that didn’t make any fucking sense. When he broke the silence, finally, he only said, “Carver.”
“What does that mean,” Anika snapped, tired and stressed and fucking defeated.
“Flynn’s surname. Carver. You said whatshisname instead.”
She threw her hands up, sleeves flapping loosely as she groaned. “What am I supposed to do with that,” she asked, frustrated. Gabe only shrugged. She couldn’t see his expression.
Wait. Couldn’t see his –
Anika almost stood on Gabe in her haste to check the view. Flynn was on the ground, still. “Fuck!”