#(mostly) satire

[astral-void69]

I'm done. DNI guy lovers.

[ollipup]

if i hear the words "honor and integrity" come out of ANYONE'S mouth one more fucking time I'm actually going to off myself

[kalied0skull]

still mourning the fact that our hoco theme is straight bogus

[ilovefaintingvictorianmen]

Lowkey would try cosplaying but I have every cosplayer’s greatest fear… MELANIN IN MY SKIN!!!

😱😱😱

[k0r4y23]

Toon prediction

[little-leviathans]

@aroace-garlic-bread-and-cake

How dare you betray me and try and pull the stupid romance movie flirtation on me! We are better than those mortals and do not need such attachments

[transfagbenny]

I’ve unfollowed people because they’ve simply liked posts that were slightly Benny negative. If you’re not worshiping the ground he walked on we can’t be friends, sorry.

[linenandliterature]

Dark Academia Tips

1. Buy an oversized suit jacket- if you’re male, say it was your mother’s, for peak androgyny. If you’re a woman, say it’s your father’s for the same effect. If you’re nonbinary, tell them your parents are dead and you bought it with your sizeable inheritance. (Note: Have a sizeable inheritance.)

2. If you are of the makeup wearing persuasion, buy copious amounts of either expensive red wine, or if you’re a minor, blood of virgins. Use it as a lip stain. (If all else fails, ox-blood colour lipstick works.) If you don’t wear lipstick, avoid chapstick for 3 1/2 months so you can achieve the ghostly look. (Or just cover your lips in concealer and blend.)

3. Carry either a poetry or a satire book with you at all times. Even if no-one asks, recite small passages. I recommend The Modest Proposal or anything by Sylvia Plath, Dylan Thomas, Oscar Wilde, or Lord Byron. (If you are tiring of Oscar Wilde, look at his lover Lord Alfred Douglas’ works.)

3. Constantly have a bored expression. Your personality is now bored. If you are on a rollercoaster, scream like “aaaaa” instead of “AAAAH”. If you find this impractical, simply revert to feral terror or a knowing smirk.

4. Invest in a tote bag bearing a literary project. If the project references a philosopher, even better.

5. Have a small knowledge of Greek Mythology. Enough to make the average plebeian question how you spend your time.

6. Use proper English- and by that I mean, British English. To pull off the dark academia aesthetic, dynasty must be pronounced differently. If this fails, try a slight British accent to get you there- or at the very least, have proper enunciation.

7.If you choose a pet, choose a cat or a snake. If possible, wear the snake as a necklace. Bonus points for snake if a python, or black or green. If pythons are not available at your bequest, a cat will work- any colour, but black is always a classic. Make sure said animal will kill you in your sleep if given the opportunity. (Adopt black pets! They don’t get enough love.) 8. Learn an obscure fact daily to replenish your knowledge. Bonus points if you use long, hard to pronounce words in your description of the fact. You must tell everyone in the nearest mile this fact, if they ever so much as approach you. You yourself rarely start conversations, for you are antisocial and apathetic. (If your MBTI type does not allow for this, sigh frequently while talking about something obscure and/or dead. Wax poetic about your love of the Latin language.)

9. Be pretentious. After all, you are attractive, intelligent, and amazing. You have every right to love who you are. Insecurities are best left with your therapist, stuffed animal, or snake and cat. Be pleased with yourself, and carry yourself with pride. 10. If you must interact with someone who does not understand your academic intentions, be polite, if slightly disassociated from the entire situation. Do not waste your time or mind on people who will never understand you.