Bro I can’t even look at the Cat in the Hat anymore with out getting viscous and visceral flashbacks to that one SNL sketch with Bill Hader. Specifically the last shot he really said “let’s make Megan question if she’s a furry.”
like, imagine eddie working in a 24/7 convinience store during the night shift (like,,, 11pm-4am) and richie is a regular that just comes in the weirdest hours and buys the most bizarre combo of items and is always trying to flirt w eddie making puns with whatever items hes buying and eddie lowkey likes it (cue stan rolling his eyes)
lmaooo yes yes yes!!
eddie fucking HATES it
but he’s a destitute student (arent we all ha ha ha… send me money) so its not like he really has a choice ya know
he only really likes one of his co-workers (martha) and hates everyone else
but at least theres… something interesting about his job…
richie tozier is 18 and he lives by himself at a condo downtown and his life was pretty fucking boring taking he’d just moved into derry and he knew literally NO ONE other than the cool chick who lives in the same block of flats and richie saw her wearing a the smiths shirt so they became friends
but then one night,, richie was about to go for a smoke when he realized he’s all out
also he was kind of in the mood for chicken nuggets
and now that we’re at it how great would a bottle of soda be with that
he remembers seeing a convenience store near his house so he gets up from his couch and glances at the clock ,,, 2am its not that bad yet
so he gets out of the house and walks over to the store
he swings the door open and glances around. the lamps create a rather ugly yellow shade inside,, an old backstreet boys song is playing from the stereos and richie snorts
he doesnt see anyone behind the counter so he just goes straight to the fridge to grab some nuggets,, waddles over to the soda section and grabs a huge bottle of coke
and then he walks out from behind one isle and sees the prettiest?? boy?? ever??
richie drops the coke bottle and it starts to gush out
the boy behind the counter snaps his head towards richie the SECOND
richie does nothing
“HEY? EXCUSE ME???”
tozier just gapes at him
“ARE YOU GONNA PICK THAT UP??”
“holy shit” richie literally just blurts out
“??????” this guy is looking at richie like what the fUCK??
then richie flinches back to the moment
“shit,,, i mean,,, yes,, fuck,” richie starts to reach out for the bottle and eddie is like WHAT is this dude seriously gonna grab the-
the soda is still spilling out and some of it shoots straight against richie’s glasses
“FUCK” he yelps out and drops the bottle, some MORE of it just filling the floor
“oh my gOd just leave it,,, pay for the rest,” eddie sighs knowing he’s gonna have to clean it up
“i am so,,,so sorry” richie blurts out as he rubs his glasses against his shirt and walks towards the counter
eddie looks at him clearer now that he doesnt have the ridiculously big glasses covering half of his face,,, and he swallows because wow?? he’s actually really cute??
“yeah its… whatever” eddie murmurs, licking his lips nervously
“so you’ll take that only?” eddie asks, nodding towards the chicken nugget pack
“and a green marlboro”
eddie fights the urge to roll his eyes. he doesnt get smokers
but instead he just hands him the pack
“that’ll be 6.50″
“here,, and again i am terribly sorry about…”
they both glance behind richie where the coke is only now starting to die out
“yeah.” eddie just says
a few days later,,, richie’s at the skate park with his only friend in town
“can i tell you something.” richie asks as they’re chilling on top of their skates
“sure” beverly says,, takin a drag out of her cig
“i saw someone”
beverly starts to smirk wide at him
“oh yeah??? whats she look like i might know her”
richie glances away
“uh.. not a she, actually. a he”
“i go both ways” richie shrugs as beverly’s silently asking if he’s..? not that she’d judge him but out of curiosity
“okay well, whats HE look like”
“he works at the convenience store” richie says and the second he does beverly bursts out laughing
richie’s like ???what???
“oh my god, EDDIE KASPBRAK???”
“you know him???”
“ohh boy eddie kaspbrak is the princess of this town there’s no way in hell you’re gonna get with him”
richie’s heart sinks a little
“but hey!! theres plenty of pretty boys in this town”
richie doesnt care he wants that one
eddie’s lowkey thought of the weird guy who spilled coke all over the carpet also
one night richie’s about to make food but realizes he’s out of french fries. and he wants to eat chicken with french fries. he cant possibly eat it with rice that he has,, he just has to eat it with french fries oh well haha what a great thing he lives next to a convenience store!!
so he goes there,, and ,, its faith its destiny or at least thats what tozier thinks eddie is working
eddie’s stomach flips
mostly because he’s afraid he’s gonna break something again
“hello” richie says
“…hi..” eddie says, watching as richie walks,, trying to be all cool and casual but ends up walking against a Lays shelf
eddie drops his head quickly to hide his laughter as an embarrassed richie starts gathering up the chips
he ends up taking one tho only so that he can say he “did it on purpose”
“so you’re taking chips and french fries huh???”
“well why not. i like potatoes”
“great”
“uh-huh”
richie’s just staring at eddie as he’s doing his job and eddie can feel this so his cheeks are kinda heating up
“and a pack of green marlboros”
“right” eddie says,, remembering this from last time
“that’ll be 10dollars”
“thanks eddie”
eddie almost chokes as the guy flashes him a smirk and is about to leave
“how do you know my name???”
richie just winks and eddie’s stomach flips again but this time its over something completely different and before eddie could ask his name richie’s out of the store already. proud w himself
richie doesnt say anything to bevvie tho even tho they hang out bc he doesnt want 1) beverly to bring him down 2) to ruin the great moment when he’s gonna tell beverly he’s got a date with eddie and see the look on her face
after a couple of days richie goes back to buy a twix bar. and more cigarettes
“hi eds” richie says as he walks in and eddie goes bright red
“do not call me eds”
richie smirks as he shuffles to the desk
“can i have a pack of-”
eddie slams the marlboro green to the counter
richie smirks lightly
“and a twix”
“those are in front of you” eddie snaps
“yeah i know that, you handing it to me would’ve just been a great moment to accidentally brush my fingers against yours tho” richie sighs as he grabs the twix and places it on the desk with a sweet smile
eddie’s eyes widen and he has to fake a cough
“FIVE TWENTY, THANK YOU”
“here ya go” richie says and slides him the money
“whats your name??” eddie asks
“oh, are you interested in knowing??”
“no, but since you somehow know mine which is kind of stalkery and creepy-”
“richie” richie says as he opens the chocolate bar wrapper and bites down to it
eddie blinks at him
“richie”
“yeah” richie bites his chocolate again “thats me”
“you enjoying that?” eddie nods towards the twix bar that richie’s literally gorged
“i’ve had better things in my mouth but its okay”
eddie’s jaw drops lightly and he just stares at richie
and then someone clears their throat so eddie turns his gaze to the rather pissed off looking lady behind richie and he clears his throat
“oKAY! NEXT CUSTOMER PLEASE!”
richie glances behind him
“hey we were having a conversation here”
eddie’s eyes widen
“UH, NO WE WEREN’T!” Eddie fakes a nervous laugh “please just,, step ahead!!”
“wow, rude eds. im gonna go then”
“ooookayyyyy,,, byeeee” eddie says as he’s already beeping the next customer’s stuff but as richie walks away he still steals a glance at his back
richie just keeps on going back
everytime he buys something weird
“a vanilla candle..”
“yes, i like the smell”
“uh-huh”
*next time*
“meatballs and popcorn? please tell me you’re not mixing these two”
“i wasnt gonna but thanks for the idea”
*next time*
“cat food? you have a cat?”
“no”
eddie frowns
“then why would you buy cat food?”
“i wanted to see you” :’)
kaspbrak tries to ignore the butterflies he’s feeling rn
“…three thirty”
“thats some expensive kitty food. well, i hope my next door neighbor tanya will appreciate this”
“youre buying this for your neighbor??”
“yeah. she’s a nice old romani lady with three cats” richie says as he grabs the cat food and eddie starts to smile a little because thats so cute??
richie notices the smile and he just smiles back. no flirts or anything just smiles
“see ya later alligator” richie says and eddie rolls his eyes amusedly
“bye”
days pass by,,, richie coming in practically every day and he just doesnt even look around anymore he just grabs the first thing at hands length and puts it to the counter
batteries,, candy bags,, motorcycle magazines,, even tampons once
“…..”
“i get bad nosebleeds”
and eddie actually lets out a chuckle. an actual ,,, true chuckle and richie gets the biggest smile
“you want your regular?” eddie asks
“huh?”
“the marlboros”
“oh no i quit” richie shrugs and eddie looks surprised
“really?”
“yeah” richie shrugs
(lowkey he quit bc he somehow found out eddie doesnt like smokers)
*eddie heart-eyes intensify*
*another time*
richie’s feeling flirty one friday and buys a pack of condoms
“yyyyello” he says as he slams the pack against the table
eddie looks at it and oh wow he feels like he’s been hit in the chest
why the hell??? he doesnt even know this guy??? yet he kinda feels like he does???
“who’s the lucky girl” eddie comments as he beeps the pack
“who says its a girl” richie asks and eddie gets even more pissed off now because??? hE LIKES BOYS??? THATS EVEN WORSE
“right” eddie just dramatically snaps and before he can say the price richie speaks
“im kidding i dont really wanna buy those” he says
eddie quirks a brow
“huh?”
“i dont need them”
silence
“im not having sex”
silence
“i mean i ,,, i do have sex but im not currently having sex”
“…uh huh okay, thanks for sharing this w-”
“okay im getting DESPERATE i need you to go out on a date with me”
eddie’s eyes widen as he raises both of his brows now
“im sorry what”
“yes ,,oh my god PLEASE i’ve been coming here literally every day i thought it would be obvious as im buying things like fucking,,, tampons and protein bars when you can clearly see i haven’t worked out a day in my life”
eddie starts to smile (bc thats true)
“okay”
richie’s taken aback
“huh??”
“okay, i’ll go on a date with you”
“what seriously???”
“yeah” eddie smirks but then jokingly goes serious “just… dont put tampons up your nose”
“i promise i wont i dont even- well sometimes when i do get-”
eddie raises amused brows
“sorry” richie apologizes for talking too much again
eddie grabs a piece of paper and scrabbles something before folding it and handing it to richie
(smooth finger brushing was done btw)
(eddie did it on purpose)
(which sent tingles down richie’s spine)
“i have a free day tomorrow”
“oK THATS GREAT I GOTTA GO NOW BYE” richie’s shocked™
“wait!” eddie stopped him just as richie was about to turn around
“arent you forgetting something??” he says and richie drops his gaze to the counter where eddie’s sliding the condom pack towards richie
richie could fucking cry as he looks at the smirk on eddie’s face
“i dont-” he utters out like what the FuCk Is GoiNg ON
eddie doesnt say anything just raises his brows so richie swallows and nods and grabs the pack, shakily shoving them to the back of his jeans before he gets out and looks at the paper
its got a number
and then
eddie ,,, and a small heart after that
richie fucking SWOONS and he could do the whole breakfast club fist pump to the air
they have their date and its lit af and awh<3<3<333 they spend the whole weekend inside richie’s condo
and on monday richie hangs out with beverly
his phone rings and he answers
“hey cutie”
beverly raises her brows
“yeah im still at the skate park.”
silence
“yeah??” richie asks “yeah sure of course!! come here. ok see you”
“who was that?” bevvie asks
richie just smirks
bc literally seconds later eddie walks over (he was just around the corner)
beverly’s mouth drops
“hey!!” eddie smiles as he makes his way over to the two of them,, leaning down to press a kiss to richie’s lips as he sits down
“beverly,, you might know eddie” richie looks at beverly as he speaks ,, mentally saying HA HA BITCH!!!
beverly just gapes at the two of them
“hi:)” - eddie
“…hi…” beverly gives him an awkward smile
“so like,,, i was supposed to go to work today right?? but then my boss called me and wait im gonna show you this mail i was supposed to take to the post office-”
as eddie starts to grab something from his backpack and goes on with his talking,, beverly turns her shocked gaze to richie who just looks so fucking proud
“are you serious???” beverly mouths
“ohhh yeah” richie mouths back at him
“hey babe?” richie asks
“yeah?” eddie asks, turning his head towards richie from his backpack
“gimme another kiss” richie pouts and eddie rolls his eyes, kissing him again. richie starts jokingly planting dozens of tiny kisses on his mouth, making eddie giggle
beverly’s jaw only drops lower
they hang out for some time but once eddie leaves,, beverly speaks
