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Seriously couldint stop laughing when my sister made a wierd noise in her sleep , she woke up & got mad at me 😂

sooo tired night :)

(11.3.12/11:46PM)

I feel like I'm a ghost when I'm communicating with you being anonymous. It is as if I'm trying to reach you with warm regards over on the other side or something. I've checked up on your archives extensively because the truth is, I just can't seem to walk away from you. I tell you that I'm leaving you but I feel like I just can't do it. I'm too ashamed to tell you all of this because I'm afraid of what you'd think of me afterwards. I know it feels to soon to feel this way but I've noticed that you've been feeling down for the past week.

I read all these things like how you're so mad, unhappy, and you have thoughts about how you want to be dead. You've been consumed with so much dark negativity that you don't know how to control it and I just feel so, so terrible because that is the time where a good friend would step up to the plate and reassure you that everything is going to be just fine. And, that long post that I sent you, those were from me. I heard your cry and I acknowledged your apathy. Here I was, being a friend to you without actually being your friend because it was my own damn fault for walking out on you.

I just wrote about everything you've been feeling and I turned it into something that could be positive. And as every good friend should know what to say to a friend in need, "Everything is going to be just fine, believe me." I reminded you of all the things you love doing that made you who you are. All the times you told me that you love star gazing, and appreciating the crisp sound of rain tapping onto the window, and tea. You loved drinking tea and I had to remind you of your purpose. And it's etched onto you. Your tattoo. It's everything you and other people out there should stand for.

When I got your reply, I just felt a sigh of relief. I hope my message shed some light for you. But the one thing that left me thinking was, you said, "Be my friend. I love you, Thank You." I really do want to be your friend Sofi. I give anything to be in your life again but I still feel like I'm just no good for you. As much as I keep caring on and on and on about you, I feel like one day, I'm going to get out of line and start controlling you and I don't want that. I don't want that at all. But I promise you Sofi, I will always be your friend. No matter what happens. Always.

#journaldator #personal #11.3.12