#11.4.19

[waltdisneyconfessions]

As a kid, I didn't really understand the dark elements of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Now that I'm older, I can respect the risks Disney was willing to take at the time to make this film.

[fyeahdarylandconnie]

Kang for EW:

Connie says to Daryl at the end that the two of them are family. Listen, me and my sister are family, but you know what? Me and my wife are also family. There are different kinds of family, so what kind of family are we talking about here? AK: I mean, they’re all family, right? [Laughs] I think they’re open for interpretation.

All right, I want to ask you about some Daryl stuff. First off, why does Daryl lie to protect Kelly and Magna, who had been stealing food and supplies for their secret stash? AK: Daryl understands that this group is a very tight-knit group. He likes them, he has started to form a bond with Connie, and ultimately, they found a way to take everything back, and give it all back to the community, so the harm was mitigated.

Source: [X]

[tea-ffxiv]

Teatime 11.4.19 Part 1/2

Thank you so much to everyone who came to visit us tonight! Feel free to tag yourself or anyone you recognize! @alistair-phoenix @fair-fae @darkamaya

[heademptyquotes]

Virgil to Patton: Y'all ever just...

Virgil and Patton at the same time: Cry?

[edo-vivendum]

I'm so tired of this masquerade of a treatment center. Like? Mark me down as noncompliant. I don't give two fucks anymore. I'm discharging next week. I'm not fucking around; I'm following what I know I need. I've been in treatment enough that I know when I'm being disordered and noncompliant versus when I'm being stubborn because I'm doing what's right for me. And this is the latter. I'm gunna pee before the 60 minutes is up. (First off, in IOP? Seriously?) but regardless, I have a UTI, and I need to pee. I'm in IOP 2 days a week and next week is my last week, I think it's fair to let me pee.

And then there was lunch? If you're pushing adding exchanges because I need more exchanges, that's one thing, but if you refuse to hear the reasonable words coming out my mouth, and just shut me up by repeatedly repeating the same (inconsistent) lines. I don't have time or energy for this. I'm not going to eat more just to appease you. Again, I'm discharging next week. I brought a full meal. I've been meal plan compliant for weeks. I am even willing to go over my meal plan if I'm hungry! But after a weekend where I've had a too much candy and I've had more urges than usual, I need to stick to the basics. Plus adding more dairy to a dairy heavy meal is a sure recipe for a stomach ache. Whatever man. I pulled myself out, journeled, reflected —was I crying because I didn't want to eat more or because I was angry at the inconsistencies and belittling treatment I received? The latter. I sat there reflecting, and I decided if I was still hungry, I'd go add more. But I am VERY familiar with appropriate portions. And this time I had the nutrition facts looked up ahead of time (specifically so that I knew if I was bringing enough —which I was). When I bring a frozen meal, they worship those nutrition facts. But I bring pizza, and they tell me they don't care about the nutrition facts, only the exchanges in their book. And pizza is two grains and two proteins. But okay.. What about toppings? And different pizza slices are different? Like I'm sorry. This is ridiculous. With their exchange system you could have 300 calories meeting the same exchanges as 800. Which is just not reality. Their guess work that they present as hard fact is frustrating at best. I don't need to waste my energy on that, and I won't. I know I ate enough, and that's what matters.

And if you're wondering, yes my ED probably did play some roll in all of this, but my ED wanted me to be stubborn and refuse lunch all together. And I didn't. I pulled myself together, went into lunch, ate the lunch, and participated in conversation.

I am a big proponent of rules and of treatment centers being strict. I am. And I support them and follow them when they're consistently enforced and created with reason. However, if you're enforcement of rules is completely inconsistent, one day they don't matter and the next theyre law, then I don't have time for that. I don't. At that point I'm gunna do what I'm gunna do, and at this point in my life, it's gunna be what's best for me. Cause if I rely on your rules to guide me, and then the next day the rules have dissolved, then I'm just setting myself up to blame y'all on my failures and slips. Na. I'd prefer to rely on myself and push myself to meet my goals. That is a lifestyle I can get on board with.

I'm so ready to discharge.

And that discharge survey. Boyyy am I ready for that. They'll get a piece of my mind.

[missinvisibleandco]

"Woven"

(11.4.19)

[ener-chi]

It looks like the Mercury in retrograde is treating everybody well 😂😂😂

No but seriously. It seems like everyone is going through some shit right now. I’ve been getting more anxiety about the fact that I still haven't been accented into my university yet, and the deadline is approaching. Also I’ve been feeling a little bit unbalanced, so both of those have made things feel like life is a wild rollercoaster at the moment.

Also. When i was in Utah, I accidentally left my charms at my grandmothers 😶😶 they’re 2 bracelets that i’ve made and a necklace that i bought and enchanted. They’re all enchanted for energetic/astral armor; while i don’t need them to protect myself, they do help. But more importantly, they also function as kind of an energetic battery, giving myself a boost when i need one, and taking on excess energy when i have it. I’ve really been struggling without them, which surprised me.

I bought a Mala, or meditation beads, a couple of months ago. It’s actually quite nice, it’s hand-knotted, and it’s made with sandalwood beads. I bought it for meditation, but also for the possibility of wearing it and using it as another charm. But when i ended up receiving and enchanting it, i didn’t like how it felt, and i didn’t end up wearing it. 

Well, i’ve decided to pick it back up, since i don’t have any of my charms at all. It actually feels a lot better than it did; it feels like it fits a little better, and it just melds with my energy more smoothly. Also, it is a constant reminder of my Path, which i’ve absolutely been needing lately. I feel that i’ve been really living in the near-future, and not so much in the present. I mean i think that my anxiety is justified, but it is nice to be constantly reminded of my end goal, and to be reminded to shift my focus and my scope outward to the bigger picture.

In other news, I made some friends!! I’ve lived out here for a while now, and i haven’t met anyone, which has been kind of on purpose as the greater part of this year has been spent in isolation. But i met a couple, and they are the some of the nicest people i’ve ever met. I'm in a DnD group with them, and it’s a blast. I’m excited to continue in the future, and to continue forging new relationships.

I also want to thank everyone who played in my energy readings game, it was a lot of fun!! I wasn’t expecting as many people to participate as there ended up being, which made me happy. I got good feedback, plus it was a really good way to brush up on my intuitive readings!! i know i haven’t done them in a while, but i will end up doing them again; it just hasn’t been in the cards for me lately.

I think that’s it for now. I hope that we are able to find some joy tomorrow.

Blessings!

[devonjwerkheiser]

devonwerkharder “@jonbellion is stupid deep”