#13.05.2024

[hosgeldinhuzun]

Yıllardır aynı manzarayı görüyorum,

her seferinde "Ayyy çok güzel" diye tepki vermem normal değil sanki :)

[apureniallsource]

Niall via BeReal - 05/13

[zaynjmsource]

Zayn Malik's Secret to Slow Living

[rikes-lyrics]

Hätte ich heute weiter mit schwarz gemalt, wäre ich hinein gefallen.

rikeS.

[nevilialinde]

13.05.2024

Ein freier Tag, eine schlaflose Nacht, Trostspende und gleichzeitig klar geblieben.

Ich bin relativ entspannt.

93 Kilometer auf dem Rad gefahren und danach voller Energie.

Viel Sonnenschein unterbrochen von Starkregen.

An unserem Ort ein Herz hinterlassen.

Als ich dort ankam, ist gerade ein Graureiher weggeflogen.

[bekindtoyou4007]

Great day today. 1 hour at gym mixed weights and cardio, washed my hair with scalp treatment, got stuck back into work and got paid good money, had a high protein and fibre lunch then a delicious rich risotto for dinner. Feeling really sleepy already.

I got an unsolicited compliment today that was really nice. It feels really remarkable being valued and appreciated in that way. And I don't feel undeserving or weird about it. It feels just nice. I feel like I'm making an effort at things and trying to do the right thing and I'm seeing the results. Like when I was first raising my little puppy, and he would have good days and bad days but I could see him growing into a well behaved adult dog. And he's been so good, especially lately when he's gone to BiL house and been so well behaved that he commented it was as if dog had been professionally trained.

[sans-dream]

13.05.2024

For the past months, life has been very intense. So now I rest endlessly. Alone, but not for long.

I visited Paris again in April, it was lovely as always. He took me to many beautiful places. We walked a lot, and kissed a lot. Befriended many stray cats. Took many pictures. With him by my side, I am calm again. In my notebook I wrote:

[...] with this constant war in my head - although, here, the war is put on hold. I can feel the knights resting… 

I am aware of my mental state. Recently I have been put on yet another medications, as the previous ones did not work at all. I am also taking sleeping pills, which is oh so adorable. I am numb for the whole day. Dozing off. My head is suddenly empty. And very, very light.

He is coming in just one week. I am grateful for the sleeping pills. Without them, I would not survive. Recently, I woke up at 4am. It was already bright outside. I went for a walk. Too tired to fall asleep.

I am moving to Italy in a few months with my another soulmate. Partner in crime? Best friend sounds too bland. The only person I could kill for. She knows me better than I know myself. Very cliche. My relationships are always full of passion...

He said he will join us. It will be so much fun. I am looking forward to this.

I feel like I got another chance from the fate. Last year, I wanted to die. This year, everything is good again. I do not cry anymore. I am still in a state of war with myself, but it is much less furious. As in furioso. Beautiful word.

We are going to the seaside. Much needed retreat. Running on the beach in my favorite white night gown.

I feel like I can articulate myself better. Yet still (...inside I felt alone...) there are many thoughts I am unable to catch. I can not stop them. Nor express.

I am not tired yet, although it is 11pm. I will read something.

Only a few days left and I will be the happiest girl on earth again.

[mondfamilie]

sängerkrieg

das rot der flammen das schwarz der asche das blau des himmels

in der regenbogenfahne ist der siebte oktober längst verblichen wenn es ihn je gab