Kate conversa com a Capitã Alison Hofman, Oficial Comandante do Defence Medical Rehabilitation Centre, durante visita ao hospital militar na cidade de Lougborough, Inglaterra | 11.02.2020
infinite little planets
we can ridicule flatearthers but what if we all actually live on even smaller spheres that we perceive as one flattish continuous land spreading before us?
“There were sparks in your eyes whenever you talked about flowers and how certain ones grow in different seasons. You were a force of nature; fearless, strong, and capable. There were so many things to love about you and Hoseok didn’t know where to start.”
↠ pure a n g s t ↞
word count: 2.9k
↠ oneshot ↞
A/N: happy early birthday to our sunshine, jung hoseok! i know angst may not be the best way to go, but i decided to write something different for him huhu. enjoy my loves!
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Yellow. Pink. Hues of orange.
Warmth. The rich taste of hot chocolate on a cold night. Thick blankets. Freshly washed sheets.
There was no color in the world—no feeling that could ever describe the way Hoseok felt being around you. Fireworks were always present and the stars seemed to shine brighter every time you walked outside.
Hoseok was blessed to have known you since middle school. He had been by your side through many horrible haircuts and long nights of complaining about school work.
You weren’t a valedictorian type of student, more like a cum laude student however, you didn’t take the effort to do the work for the honors acknowledgement.
Hoseok was the opposite, so he knew he drove you crazy with the constant nagging of reminding you about certain pieces of homework or constantly going over your book reports. It was probably exhausting for you, but the way you beamed at Hoseok every time you had a high grade meant you still appreciated his efforts.
It was always an adventure being by your side. You loved to drink milkshakes at eleven in the evening; according to you, it tasted better late at night. Hoseok hated the rain, but on the contrary, you were extremely fond of it. You took every chance you had to go running out in the rain and Hoseok never hesitated to follow in suit. He also hated horror movies, pickles, and pizza crust, but because of you, he slowly learned how to tolerate all of those because they were all of your favorites.
You had an alluring luminescence about you that easily reeled people into your circle. You had a big heart; a large soft spot for everyone because you believed that everyone was a good person deep down. Hoseok loved how you smiled at everyone, how you break out into song mid-sentence, and he loved how you smelt like lavender every time you walked by.
There were sparks in your eyes whenever you talked about flowers and how certain ones grow in different seasons. You were a force of nature; fearless, strong, and capable. There were so many things to love about you and Hoseok didn’t know where to start.
Even with all of your beautiful qualities, Hoseok had to admit that there were things about you that he didn’t like.
Throughout the early years of knowing you, Hoseok watched you get your heartbroken over boys who never appreciated you. You’d question every single aspect about you when you were heartbroken and as much as he cared for you, it pissed him off.
You cared deeply for others and this meant you get hurt easily; Hoseok hated that. He hated the way your face looked when you were disappointed. When your eyes would glisten with tears, he could feel his chest cave in. He hated the way you doubt yourself, the sound of your squeaky laugh, and the way you’d hook your arm with his or how you would lean on his shoulders when you were tired. Most of all, he hated the way you say his name.
“Hoseokie!”
“Seokie.”
“Hobi, Hobi!”
“Hoseok..”
The sound of his name coming from your lips was like honey, sweet and rich. His parents, his sister, his friends, they all called on his name on a regular basis but nothing compared to the beautiful tone of your name.
But how can something so beautiful hurt so much?
↠↞
Summer break.
How could Hoseok forget the time you visited during summer break? It was impossible to forget.
Hoseok picked you up at the airport at one in the morning and the first thing you wanted was his mother’s steamed eggs and rice cake soup. By the time you both arrived, she was asleep (obviously), so you took his bed while he slept on the floor. It was a random cold summer night, but you were bundled up in warm blankets and that’s all that mattered to him.
Since summer school was in the works, Hoseok took the liberty to give you a campus tour of his university. He saved the literature wing for last because it was your major and the library on the upper floor would be your sanctuary.
What he didn’t account for was seeing a certain “shorter” friend with raven hair skimming along the tall shelves.
He didn’t want to regret walking up to his friend with you.
“Hey, Yoongi. It’s a rare sight seeing you with your head in the books.”
He didn’t want to regret introducing you to Yoongi.
“This is my friend, y/n. She’s visiting for the summer.”
He didn’t want to hear it.
“Hi Yoongi. It’s nice to meet you.”
And there it was. Honey dripping from your lips at the way Yoongi’s name rolled off your tongue.
Running into Yoongi didn’t happen that one time. Yoongi ran into both you and Hoseok at a cafe near Hoseok’s university, Hoseok introduced you to more of his friends and Yoongi was also there, and you also mentioned to Hoseok that you ran into him at the supermarket.
It’s not like Hoseok had the power to stop you from meeting Yoongi over and over again. He also couldn’t politely ask you to do such a thing because he had no authority over your social circle.
Hoseok had to stand by and watch your friendship with Yoongi slowly bloom into something new. It was torture to watch you laugh and lean against Yoongi’s shoulders when there were get togethers. You would bat your eyelashes, play with the ends of your hair, and you even invested in a new bottle of perfume that smells like toasted marshmallows; now his clothes and blanket smelt a little sweeter. All of these little things you did were a bit reminiscent of your behavior back in high school and he wished he could have forgotten about all of those things.
But how could he forget the late night conversation he had with you on his porch? It sealed the deal.
“Hoseok. I think I really like Yoongi.”
The dimness of the nearby street light shone on your face, revealing a noticeable blush.
“Really? Well, he’s a decent guy.”
The truth.
“He is, isn’t he? I’ve been hanging out with him a lot since I’ve been back. Thank you so much for introducing us by the way.”
“Of course. You two look great together.”
Lies.
Not to be selfish but, Hoseok had hoped he could spend the majority of summer break with you and that maybe within the time you spend with him you could feel something a little more than friendship.
It was a hopeless dream. It always has been.
A week before you left for the new spring semester, Yoongi had officially asked you to be his girlfriend.
It’s not that Hoseok wasn’t happy for you—of course he was happy. Maybe it was just his childish side getting to him; being a bit jealous and shit. He was in love with you for years, how else was he supposed to feel?
He was used to being in this position anyway.
All that was left was for you to send him a text or call him one day with an empty tone of voice explaining that long distance wasn’t working out anymore.
Hoseok got no such notification.
Instead, he received texts and calls from you gushing about how things were sailing smoothly with Yoongi and how he made the trip to visit you during spring break and on a random weekend. Yoongi was putting in a lot of effort for you and Hoseok was genuinely happy that there was a guy out there who was treating you like a queen.
It wasn’t long before he heard the painful words he didn’t want to hear.
“I’m so in love with him, Hoseok.”
Love.
In love with Yoongi.
You loved your exes in the past and broke up, so there had to be some “hope” for him, right?
Slowly, texts and calls from you became rare. Sometimes you’d take a few days to reply to a text and a simple how have you been conversation could take an entire week just to say I’ve been doing well, how about you.
Eventually the only way Hoseok could get updates on you was through your social media posts and according to those, you were still in a happy relationship with Yoongi.
This was for the best. It had to be. Hoseok had to let go of his first love at some point, so why was he feeling disappointed?
There was probably no hope left anymore.
↠↞
Years down the road, Hoseok found himself in love. It was a breathtaking, pinch-me-am-I-dreaming kind of love. He never thought he would ever feel this way about someone else, but Chaerin was that someone. She entered his life like a hurricane and Hoseok allowed himself to get swept away.
The sky was always a vibrant shade of blue, flowers were always in bloom, and birds only sang love songs. Oh how he wished he could have felt this a lot sooner in his life, but Chaerin was worth the wait.
Everything was going perfect for Hoseok, until one day he came home after a long day at the office. He opened the door of the apartment he shared with his lovely girlfriend and found her going through that day’s clutter of mail.
“Junkmail, junkmail, home catalog… oh, baby you have something addressed to you. It looks like an invitation? Or maybe a thank you card?”
There was a slight drop in Hoseok’s stomach and he hesitated to move closer to Chaerin because he had a good feeling as to what the contents of the envelope was. He swallowed the lump in his throat and proceeded to open the white fold of the envelope.
There it was.
“Kindly join us for the wedding of y/n and Min Yoongi--y/n? Oh my God, babe isn’t that your friend from high school?”
Chaerin knew who you were, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her anything beyond the basic information. All Hoseok could do was nod slowly and continued to read the invitation to himself. The card was printed with baby pink and gold details and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from your name. He knew you were engaged because of your social media and he paid no mind to it, but because the two of you don’t talk anymore, he didn’t expect to receive an invitation.
This was completely unexpected and it stirred everything inside of him, enticing chaos. He hasn’t seen you in years and his biggest fear was that every single thing he felt for you would come rushing back, ruining the happiness he finally had.
There was a plus one option on the reservation card and because Chaerin had no idea about Hoseok’s past feelings, she continued to encourage him to go to support you on your special day.
“Come on, honey. I’m sure y/n would be delighted to see you. Plus, it’s been a while since we’ve gotten all dressed up.”
Hoseok always imagined shaking hands with his old high school friends on his wedding day, but instead, he was doing it on your wedding day. It wasn’t just your wedding day, you were getting married to someone who wasn’t Hoseok.
Tears brimmed the eyes of guests as both you and Yoongi said your wedding vows; Hoseok’s eyes welled for a different reason.
“They’re beautiful together.” Chaerin whispered.
Hoseok held tightly onto his girlfriend’s hand and prepared for the next two words that were going to slip past your lips.
“I do.”
And that was that.
Now here he was, standing on the outside of the dance floor with his hands in his pockets. Hoseok smiled fondly at Chaerin who had a surprising reunion with a friend from college who was Yoongi’s cousin.
Just like everyday, Chaerin was as gorgeous as ever. No one in the entire room could compare to his girlfriend, but…
“Hoseokie!”
There it was.
Just like that, his entire world crumbled at his feet. After not hearing your voice call for him for what felt like an eternity, Hoseok melted into a puddle but just like how he used to, he sucked in a breath and smiled.
“Hey, congratulations.” Hoseok tried to go for a hand shake, but you hastily ran up to him and pulled him into a tight hug.
“Thank you and thank you so much for coming.” You smiled up at him with your eyes still sparkling even under the dim lights.
Please stop. Please don’t smile at me.
“Hobi, dance with me?”
The agonizing pain in his chest grew worse at the touch of your hand on his forearm. He turned to search for Chaerin who was still speaking with her friend. She met his eyes and gestured her hands in encouragement as if she knew what you asked him.
“Of course.” Hoseok breathed. “I’d love to.”
The next slow dance song played right on cue and all Hoseok could focus on was the way his shaky hands gently held onto your waist and the warmth of your hands sat at the nape of his neck. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from yours, feeling the intensity within his soul.
Time had done you well, you were still so beautiful. Your eyes still glistened the way it used to and it still had the same effect on him. Truly, Yoongi was a lucky guy. Incredibly lucky.
“So, tell me, who’s the lucky girl?”
Hoseok’s breath was caught in his throat for a moment.
“Her name is Chaerin.”
You tiptoed to take a peek over his shoulder. “She’s really beautiful, Hoseok. I’m happy for you.” You then leaned your head against his chest and swayed silently to the music.
Hoseok was sure he wasn’t in love with you anymore, but why was he feeling this way? It wasn’t fair.
“Hey,” you spoke over the music. “I really can’t thank you enough. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you introducing me to Yoongi and these days we don’t even see each other anymore. I’m so sorry.”
Please don’t thank me.
“No need to thank me, y/n and don’t apologize at all. Life got in the way too. I’m happy to see you now.” It hurt to say those words, but this was the closest Hoseok could ever be to you and he had to bear with it.
“Why don’t the four of us get together sometime for a double date?” You had the brightest smile on your face and it made Hoseok’s heartache. Did he have the heart to sit across from you with a ring on your finger and watch the love you have for Yoongi bleed out into his breathing space?
“I would love that.” He was sure his smile didn’t reach his eyes.
Why did it feel like this was the last time he would ever see you?
The song was beginning to fade out and you crept your arms around Hoseok’s neck to pull him into a warm embrace. He shut his eyes breathing in your faint lavender perfume. You were held so close to him that he could feel the slow rhythm of your heartbeat against him. Time had to stop. He wanted it to stop. Why hasn’t it stopped?
“You’ve been a great friend to me all these years, Hoseokie.” You breathed into his ear before releasing him. “I hope you know how much I love you.”
Love? No.
It wasn’t the love he wanted, but he had to accept.
“I love you too, y/n. “
You began to step away from him and Hoseok could feel the grip on your waist loosening. He wanted to hold you longer. He wanted to feel your heartbeat once more, afraid he’d forget what it sounded like when you were near him. He wanted your breath to tickle his skin and to feel the tips of your nails graze steadily against the back of his neck. The desire to be your center of attention even for a few more minutes was strong, but you were slipping at his fingertips.
With just a few more steps, you were at a foot’s distance from Hoseok and you smiled at him, fleeting away to your husband who was standing at the front of the dance floor.
Hoseok backed up, watching you throw your arms around Yoongi and rock side to side. You looked at Yoongi as if he held the entire universe in his eyes and he looked at you with just as much admiration if not more.
Now completely out of the dance floor, Hoseok still couldn’t tear his eyes away from you as you guided Yoongi towards the middle. Even with the music playing, Hoseok could hear the squeak you make every time you let out a hearty laugh. He soaked in the shape of your slim shoulders and the curve of your waist. He caught a glimpse of your perfect side profile as you turned and the twinkle in your eyes wasn’t hard to miss.
The dance floor started to fill up and just like that, Hoseok lost you in the crowd.
Standing on your sideline was where he belonged.
Hoseok was a secondary character in your life, the second lead, and the second lead never gets the main girl in the movies.
There was never room for him in your heart that way.
It was probably written in the stars from the beginning; friends from the start. His friendship with you was written with a pen and the story ended just as it started.
