There are many reasons why I am starting this blog. One of the many is so that I can express myself and my thoughts and feelings about my fitness journey...
I grew up in South Africa but now live in Canada. Here is the story of my fitness journey so far:
I first started my fitness journey in my second year of my undergrad. After my first pap smear, I showed early signs of cervical cancer. Because I was young, they did not want to do radiation right away- so the solution was twice weekly visits for less invasive treatment, a complete 180 in diet and exercise. My husband (boyfriend at the time) joined me as he was diagnosed with high blood pressure (Him and I are opposite- he is ripped, thin and 6ft 2)
After my undergrad, I was working as an actor in Calgary AND I got engaged! Motivation One: My wedding. Motivation Two: I would be performing in front of thousands of people. So I upped the ante to the max. I was super strong and in great shape. Unfortunately, about six months into this, I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and lost a lot of weight because of the medication I was taking.
A week after my wedding I started grad school. To deal with the many stresses I had I reverted back to old habits, from a horrible disease I have had since I was 15: Bulimia. I put so much weight back on due to the food that I was binging on. This is when I met my personal trainer. He helped my lose 30 lbs , got me into an amazing workout routine and nutrition plan and he was all round a wonderful human that kept me motivated and accountable. I felt beautiful, I was in great shape….
A year later, I was in hospital for suicidal attempts and thoughts. I felt helpless, as even though I consciously knew what was happening, I could not control my impulses. This is when my medication changed. I refused to be a zombie on lithium so I was put on a combo of Prozac and Seroquel to treat manic depression (bipolar 2- the milder of the two- but equally as suck-ish). The Seroquel made me put on weight (Way more in my mind that I actually had). I was working out and still fit but to curb the fear of gaining weight- I was vomiting 3-9 times a day. It was horrible. I was weak, tired. I took the pressure away and stopped working out. Seroquel increased cravings: carbs, wine, cigarettes- all that fun stuff that made me gain all the weight I have on me now and I just got down and less motivated every day. My body dysmorphia was at its worst. I started training with again, before my trainer went on vacation. While he was away, my husband lost his job, and I contacted with a friend and my beachbody coach for help. He showed me that beach body was WAY more affordable than personal training.
So…. I looked in the mirror, I hated what I saw. I pulled fat on my body while looking in the mirror and in the bath. I didn’t feel desired by my husband and strong enough to support him through what he is going through. I hated myself for letting myself get back to a place where I couldn’t stand to get dressed and look at myself. I am still working on that hate…. I didn’t want the constant pain of bulimia. ROCK BOTTOM.
My coach got me on board and didn’t let me talk myself out of it. I need to do this. I don’t just want to. My husband is supporting me to the max, I have you wonderful people, AND I KNOW, that in me somewhere, if I dig deep like the 21 Day fix is asking me to do--- that I have the strength to do this!
I AM NOW ON DAY 17. I have seen amazing results and feel so much better. It is an ongoing struggle so I want to continue this journey....
THUS ....I am now a part time beachbody coach.
WHY AM I A BEACHBODY COACH?
Firstly, because I am lucky enough to know WHY. I am the type of person who makes decisions based on my gut reaction to something- how it makes me feel- inspires me.
Secondly, I have always been an outgoing, open person: in many worlds, workplaces, groups that I have been in, I have consistently been told to “tone myself down”. Being a beachbody coach helps me embrace the many years of enthusiasm that I have held back to truly inspire myself and others to work toward some higher meaning and purpose in their lives.
Lastly, I am a product of many years of self-loathing, body dysmorphia, mental illness. HOWEVER, herein lay my problem. I saw myself as a product of all the bad things/ perceived bad things (like my energy and personality) that happen in my life. Just yesterday, I had someone tell me that I was too open, that I come across as too enthusiastic and driven – which can be perceived in the wrong way. This really dug at me, the thoughts of self-loathing and uselessness crept back in. BUT what beachbody has inspired me to do, is, regardless of all these issues and my failings as a person (because we all have them) is to show up for my group, my coach, my family but most importantly MYSELF!
I want to inspire people with my openness, help them get to a place where they can celebrate their bodies and who they are as well-rounded human beings. Most importantly, I do not want them to be ashamed of their journey: I can inspire them to do this because I believe that there is always something in one person’s journey that will resonate with another’s. I don’t want people to feel alone: I want them to feel supported and learn how to show up for THEMSELVES.