The Place Beyond the Pines [2p! America x reader] 08
08 - Nightcall Wordcount: 3, 393 Rating: M for strong language, mature and ideologically sensitive themes. Chapter synopsis: Alfred witnesses something he wishes he didn’t. Even in tears, it gives him the resolve to call you one last time over the phone. Meanwhile, Allen drives you through the night to get the closure he always wanted. He tells you the truth about himself, his regrets, and everything he would’ve wanted you to know if he were to never see you again. The prospect is right around the corner as you’re forced to choose between the two. To cut one off forever and be with the other. Disclaimer: This is a crossover with the film, “The Place Beyond the Pines.” The reader is referred to as she/her.
The Place Beyond the Pines 08 - Nightcall
A/N: I was inspired by Kavinsky’s song “Nightcall”
Alfred looked for you outside the bathrooms.
When he walked into a clearing, he saw what he needed to see.
As he stood frozen still on the dirt, drowned by the excitement of festivities and laughter of strangers, his chest ached with the sobs he’d yet to cry. The ringing and buzzing of machines in his ears faded. He couldn’t feel Jason’s arms around his neck anymore. All he knew was you and Allen sharing a tearful reunion, then his own crushing betrayal.
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He didn’t like eating out back then. He was a cheapskate. But just for the opportunity to strike up a conversation, he would spare a few bucks for a coffee or a bagel. And just like any other regular customer, the staff eventually came to know him by name—Alfred, the guy who only came in for a single cup of joe. And he’d always sit in the same place.
The counter in front of the kitchen door.
You burst through it with a tray in hand. Alfred glances up. You flash him a smile. Making long, purposed strides to one of the booths, you placed two plates in front of a couple sitting opposite each other. When you returned, Alfred found himself listening eagerly to your footsteps. Any second now.
“The usual?” You appeared behind the counter and picked up a jug of coffee. He nodded with a grin. Bending down to retrieve a cup and saucer, you added this in a strain. “You know, you stay awfully long for someone who just orders rocket fuel.”
His flickered his zealous eyes over you like he couldn’t wait for his turn to speak.
“Why, can’t I do that?”
“No, but you’re giving me the wrong idea.”
He brought his coffee up to his lips and sipped it. His expression and tone were both unreadable when he piped up again. “What kinda idea?”
You scoffed through your nose, struggling to stifle a smile. He was good, but you could do him one better. “Hm... That you don’t have anything better to do?” Alfred laughed airily. Honestly, you weren’t wrong. “Or a social life, for that matter. You come in every afternoon, Alfred. Why do you keep coming back?”
He shrugged, pursing his lips forcefully.
“I dunno, maybe it’s ‘cause I really like the coffee.”
“Really,” You rose your brows skeptically. You picked up the jug and watched the blackish liquid slosh in the glass. “Nobody likes the coffee.”
Alfred stared at you wordlessly. ‘Oops’ was written all over his face. He was never good at telling whether hot, bitter, bean water was good or not.
“I, uh, I actually have to tell you something.”
His cheeks grew rosy as he cracked like an egg.
“Can you meet me outside in a minute?”
You showed a coy look, having figured him out. It had been two months since you first met him in January. He was a charmer in his own right. Sweet, sensitive, well-spoken, and funny, it wasn’t hard to befriend someone like him. He never beat around the bush to say he wanted to go steady with you either.
“I have something to tell you too,” While you stood with him outside his car, he would dart his eager eyes over your face as you spoke. You quickly broke away from his gaze, unable to handle his scrutiny on top of the rising anxiety in your system. “I...”
“Take your time,” Alfred squeezed your hand. When he felt the light trembling in it, he frowned deeply. You were deathly afraid of something. His reaction, no doubt. And so, he forced this out with hopes of calming your shallow breaths. “Hey.”
You looked up quickly. His ocean blues stared at you with so much understanding, your racing heart slowed until your chest no longer hurt. Something about Alfred made you want to trust him. His kindness, his respect, he always had a way of making people feel welcomed, no matter the circumstance.
“Whatever you tell me, I promise I won’t hold it against you. So don’t be scared, okay?”
Alfred stroked your skin with his thumb.
“You can trust me.”
“I know I can trust you,” You shook your head lightly, causing a few tears to stream down to your chin. “But you won’t be happy either way. And you won’t deserve what you get into.” Reaching up to your face contorted with pain, you rubbed everything away.
“I don’t wanna do this to you.”
It was his turn to shake his head, albeit in dissent.
“Do what?” You turned away. He simply moved to face you again. “What could you do to me to make me unhappy? You have to tell me.”
“I’m pregnant.” You confessed.
His eyes went round from shock.
A suffocating silence ensued. You rubbed away more tears and tore yourself away from him before he could say anything. You didn’t want to hear what he had to say. You couldn’t handle it. Just when you felt the first sob rise in your throat, he shot out a hand and grabbed your wrist, stopping you abruptly.
“Is that a problem?” Alfred asked almost defiantly. Just like that, he turned your greatest sorrow into your greatest joy. He saw the love in your eyes, fierce and undying. He saw hope, the one thing you’ve been needing in this despairing world. “If you’re not together with them anymore, why is it a problem?”
You were in love with him then.
So why weren’t you still in love with him now?
He sat in the living room with Jason on his lap. All the lights in the house were off, save for a dim lamp on the coffee table. Alfred never cried, but thinking about it had quiet tears running down his face.
He screwed his eyes shut and hugged Jason.
The boy looked just like his father. And he’d always hated it from the bottom of his heart. Sometimes, a mere glimpse of his little face was all it took for his blood to boil. But he couldn’t go on like this forever.
“I’m sorry.” He sobbed into his hair. The child was quiet in his arms, having fallen asleep on the car ride back home. But his small hands never stopped clinging to his shirt, scrunching up the fabric.
“I’m sorry for ever being angry at you.”
I’m giving you a night call to tell you how I feel I want to drive you through the night, down the hills
Allen floored it and sped through the black streets. His eyes darted around every so often as he made sharp turns, swerving across the asphalt in loud screeches. There was no destination. No endpoint. Just the craze to get away from there. And he never knew how much he needed it until he did it.
Taking you far, far away from Alfred.
Far, far away had to settle for ten blocks down, however. Pulling into a quiet road, he parked the car next to the curb and turned to you.
“I know what you’re gonna say,” Allen stared at you warily as he raised his hands in surrender. “I know what you’re gonna say.” He shook his head.
“Do you?”
Your fierce glare on him had been unwavering, but as the pause dragged on, it faded into a look of terror. You turned away and covered your mouth in grief, only now just processing what had just happened. Allen couldn’t stop making mistakes. And you?
You kissed him.
“Yeah. ‘Fuck you, Allen. You’re the worst thing that’s happened to my life. I wished you never fucking came back.” He exclaimed, making you shrink into your neck from his intensity. His chest was rising and falling dramatically as he breathed. “I get it. Okay? I get it. And you know what? You’re right. And I’m sorry. But I just want you to hear me out.”
I’m gonna tell you something you don’t want to hear I’m gonna show you where it’s dark, but have no fear
“What? That you wished things ended differently?” You muttered, the whispered words barely in his earshot. Whipping your head to him, you showed your red face contorted with pain. “Well, guess what, Al? You can’t just, force everything to go your way just because you want to.” Bile had risen in your throat, and the tears returned in quiet streams.
“Come on, that’s not what I—” He winced.
You tried rubbing everything away, but to no avail. The tears just never stopped.
“—but it is. You brought me out here to do that, didn’t you?” Allen covered his eyes for a hot second; a last resort to hide the regret that ran through them. “So you did. But it’s too late for that, now. I’m with someone else, and I just left them by themselves at the fucking fair with Jason!” You choked.
“I know, and I’m sorry.” Allen pleaded, earning a furious look from you. As desperate as you were to push him away, to save everything you had without him, your life with Alfred, and all your dreams, what he added melted your anger in an instant.
“But I just wanna tell you something,” He squeezed your hand tightly. “Just hear me out, please.”
“No. I can’t.”
“One last time.” He whispered. “Then you don’t have to listen to me ever again.”
His words spoke of cutting conviction, and his eyes, an endless sadness he could never live down. When you heard it, you had to look to the window to avoid crying even harder, knowing a single glimpse of his face was all it took. His beautiful, ugly face that smiled even in the darkest hours.
Whatever happened between you both, what he was about to say could be the last thing he’d ever say to you. He knew that. You did too.
So you listened with bated breath as he gathered himself in a thick swallow.
While he searched his soul for the exact words, the past, present, and future converged into one.
“You’re right in saying that I wished things ended differently,” He said, his voice no higher than a whisper to hide the cracks. “It’s my biggest regret, leaving you behind. Always was and always will be.” The words were like stones in his heart. As he finally let them out, the weight was lifted, one by one.
It was the one thing he failed to do two years ago, and now that he could, he felt strangely at peace.
“I thought I could make up for everything by giving you money, helping you out, buying that crib, just, being there, you know?” Allen grinned, but joy was hardly the word to describe what he was feeling. You knew that all too well, so you had to cover your head with your arms to contain the trembling.
“And I’m glad I did. But I need you to give it to me straight,” He continued, lifting your face up with a hand on your warm cheek. “So tell me to go, or to stay. I wanna hear it.” He felt you tense up in his fingers, a sure-fire sign he hit the mark.
This was finally it, and you were the one to decide how it ended. “I’ll listen to you this time.”
You never managed an answer. All you knew was that you weren’t ready to see Alfred yet, so going home wasn’t an option. Allen took you to his trailer in the meantime. Ten minutes in, the tense silence was broken by a few knocks on the door.
He went to answer it. Robin had been standing behind it, leaning to one side.
“There’s a phone call for her,” He began.
You sat up.
“It’s some guy called Alfred.”
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“So, who’s the guy?” He murmured over your head. “If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.”
You were laying on Alfred’s chest, feeling every breath go in and out of his body in slow rises. Your sweat-ridden bodies that pressed flush together never once repelled you. Every inch of his skin was another source of unlikely comfort. But upon hearing that question, cold feet settled in out of nowhere.
“Just some guy. Why?”
Alfred inhaled deeply, pausing to rephrase himself.
“Just curious,” You propped yourself up with your arms and loomed over him with a frown. “I promise.” He laughed breathily. “I’m not looking for a reason to be mad at you or anything. I already told you I don’t care about all that.” You sighed, then lowered yourself onto him again, albeit reluctantly.
There was no reason you couldn’t trust Alfred. But that didn’t make it any easier. After nearly a year, one would’ve thought you’d have moved on. But every time you thought about him, about Allen, your chest ached with the same pain on the day he left.
You thought you could hide it, from yourself and him, but Alfred was always more sensitive than he let on.
“It was just a fling, okay? I met him at the fair. He did the motorcycle shows.” While you unearthed old memories you wished to bury, he nodded tiredly.
“Oh, yeah. I’ve been to one of those,” Alfred yawned, resting a hand on your back. “They’re pretty cool.”
“Yeah. We weren’t anything, so can we please stop talking about it now?” Your voice was no higher than a quick whisper to mask the hurt inside it.
Reducing what you and Allen had to something so meaningless affected you more than you wanted it to. But it had always been this way. The soft spot for him never went away when he did, and instead, grew at every passing day he wasn’t here.
But you had to ignore it for Alfred’s sake.
Allen wasn’t here for you.
He was.
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That was one of the few conversations you talked about your past lover. You never mentioned Allen first, so it was always him. As he waited for you to pick up the phone, he lingered on the fact for an epiphany that took him too long to realize.
That night in bed, you were hurting. He’d been too tired to notice. But what he couldn’t excuse himself from was throwing away what Allen gave you for Jason’s first birthday. Alfred convinced himself he did that for your sake, to help you move on, but it was more self-serving than anything.
A dick move to soothe his short burst of jealousy.
And it probably only made you miss Allen more.
You were still in love with the bastard, and there wasn’t much he could do about it.
“Alfred?” Your voice grounded him faster than a cold splash of water. “It’s me.”
“Hey.” He smiled softly. There were so many things he wanted to say, but everything was lodged in his throat in a convoluted mess. The night was a somber mix of anger and muddled emotions, but what stood out most was a heart-wrenching sadness.
What he forced out only captured it.
“I missed you.”
A long pause followed.
If Alfred knew you like he thought he did, you were trying not to cry. Unbeknownst to him, he was right.
“I missed you too.” You murmured faintly. His lips twitched up some more, but the momentary joy was short-lived. His smile trembled away as he predicted what you would say, word for word. “I’m sorry I left you at the fair by yourself. I don’t have an excuse, so I don’t... I don’t wanna ask for your forgiveness.”
The mood was somber and knowing. You both understood each other’s feelings without having to relay them. The phone call was just a formality.
“I know. I know you’re sorry,” Alfred reiterated, bringing a hand up to his eyes. What he was about to say would break the ice that formed, a phenomenon that happened every single time Allen was involved. “But he probably forced you to leave, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, but I—”
“—you kissed him. I know.” His voice became a little strained, but he forced himself to keep walking down this road he took. “I saw, (F/N). I saw.”
You tried your damnedest to not break apart right then and there. You thought it hit you before, but here you were, reliving one of your biggest regrets that would turn into your salvation or damnation. However Alfred took it was entirely up to him. And you wouldn’t be able to hold it against him.
“I’m really sorry.” You choked, unable to fathom how hurt he must’ve been when he witnessed everything. “I get it if you want to break things off. I’ve been unfair to you for the longest time, not being able to focus on you. I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
“Who said it was a waste of time?” Alfred muttered, shedding a few quiet tears himself. You covered your mouth to stifle any noises as you kept listening.
He’d been happy for nearly two years, being with you. Things may have turned a little rocky turn towards the end, but as sure as the sun rose, his love stayed constant. And it would stay that way as long as he breathed. “I don’t think it was a waste of time. I loved what we had. I loved dreaming with you.” Alfred sucked in a sharp breath to hold back a cry.
“And I love you, ‘kay? But I have to ask,” You closed your eyes as you prepared for the dreaded question.
“Did you ever love me?”
You would never forgive yourself to think he needed the reassurance. To think he wasn’t sure of something so true. But then again, what you did tonight, as well as many other nights beforehand, would’ve tested that and poisoned him with doubt.
“I always loved you. I fell in love with you the second you said you wanted to be with me,” You gushed. By then, you’d run out of tears to cry, but the outburst was the most emotional you’ve ever been. “I didn’t think I’d have a chance to be with anybody again. I was all alone when I had Jason. But you... You swept me off my feet. I was crazy about you.”
Blood rushed up to his face for a hot blush, and he was pleased to say it wasn’t because he was about to cry again. Not sad tears, at least.
“But you’re crazier about Allen.”
“Alfred, I mean it.” You huffed sharply. He chuckled on the other side, much to your relief. “I really do, Al. And I still love you, even if I don’t deserve to.”
“Then that’s all I wanted to hear.”
Allen drove you back home. Alfred had been waiting on the front porch. The second you saw the guy, you ran to him like the wind and plowed into his arms. While you both hugged, you both talked some more. As much as it hurt to let you go, he couldn’t force you to be with him when it wasn’t what you wanted.
But you made it pretty explicit it would’ve happened if the circumstances were different. He could be your lover in another life, just not this one. Allen was a little grumpy upon hearing it, but he didn’t have any complaints. What you had with Alfred was special, and he respected that—the guy looked after you in ways he couldn’t, so he ended up shaking on it.
Alfred gripped his hand crazy tight, a final display of his hot frustration with him after tonight, but they cleared a year-long feud nonetheless.
After all, they couldn’t be the only receivers of your love, no matter how fiercely they wished it.
You were at Alfred’s house for another week. Your mother decided to stay, which he was more than happy about. It gave you another reason to write him on top of being Jason’s godfather. Otherwise, you had a clear destination in mind.
Wherever Allen went, you followed.
“You ready to roll?” He asked, gripping your waist with untold affection. His smile on you was unwavering and spoke of endless possibilities. Allen was finally untethered from the past, and he would charge into the future with you, unrestrained and pining for more.
“Always.”
The feeling of his mouth on yours never felt so right.
Whether it was to his trailer or down to New York City courtesy of Mathias’s car, a favor he was doing him for something you had yet to find out, you were always by his side. Allen didn’t have to worry about leaving you behind again, and instead, he could focus on growing with you rather than apart.