#3-11-16

[shit-4s-says]

If they're mobile, they probably don't want to be ass hooked.

J.Z. talking about gems that look like anal hooks

[gayliegirlfempower-blog]

Do I Exist for Her?

I really was crying when Offred was lying in the tub thinking about her daughter.  I can’t imagine being ripped from my daughter and not knowing what happened to her.  Even worse, thinking of what she might have gone through, what she would currently be going through. Would I exist for her? I think about how heavy this must have been for Offred.  How it was totally necessary to compartmentalize her life, her emotions, her identities, her roles. She had to live in her head.  This is the only way that she could keep it together. I think it would be the same for me.  Geez...I don’t know that I would ever be able to stop crying - or like Offred - would I be able to totally numb-out so that I could survive and live another day to look for her - to try possibly for an escape?  It is only when I think about the horror of a mother and young child being separated that I truly understand the depth of what has happened to Offred and what IS happening to Offred.  Her life has become a total nightmare - and yet she is having to survive in this altered life as if it is totally normal.  A new normal anyway.  I’m surprised she isn’t bat-shit crazy!  Then again, if I thought I had to keep it together for the sake of my daughter or being reunited with her - I think I could survive almost anything.  Offred says that it is easier to think of her as dead and that maybe it is easier for her daughter to think of Offred as dead too.  I can see why that would seem easier, but your child would not or could never be dead to you.  They would live on in your memory and the stories you tell yourself.  Every time you saw a child on the street or anywhere for that matter - your thoughts would go right back to your child.  I can’t think of my daughter ever being dead.  I can’t even think of a time where I would not be on this earth to help her, touch her, support her, love her. Something inside surely must have died in Offred.  Living her life in Gilead must be like having some sort of out-of-body experience.  It has to be.  That is the ONLY way that I could live it.  I’m sure that Offred exists in her daughter’s heart and in her mind - and in her stories that she tells herself.  

[clockworkcreatures]

I’ve been too reckless today! Like omg help me

[spoonerist]

All I want is to spend a little time with my best friends is that really too much to ask?

[the-strange-desire]

I'm sorry I need so much and can give so little. I'm sorry I've been needy.

[luckyleolion]

I think one of my first nap dreams consisted of a harry potter theme....

[luckyleolion]

Alrighty so I took a 2 hour nap that consisted of many many short dreams that felt like forever. I cant remember the first few by I remember the last 4. 1. A wet dream consisted of sex w taurus for a brief time and then the scene changed to straight up masturbation—i did finish in my dream and irl. 2. Was a weird date. We were walking around a playground/airport place and I was w taurus guy and I gave him a bj. (Keep in mind I hate giving them, I dont even like touching penises much less putting those things in my mouth.) 3. Was some podcast talker telling of some crazy shit that happened somewhere but people were not cooperating w me and I was upset a bit. 4. I was talking to some 35 year old lady about relationships and she was asking about parents involvement and when is a good time for parents to not have to know about them right away. I said the big 2-0 is when they dont have to. She then asked how many relationships I have been in and I said max. 3. She asked my ages during those relationships…I said 13 w ex scorpio (was really 16 tho and realized it in the dream but was like who cares) and 17 w ex taurus and then 20 w my other one. But currently im 19 so???

[luckyleolion]

So today I had to go to the fucking high school amd I looked like shit but I got my transcript so I mean who cares. I then rewarded myself with a cigerette and some whataburger. My last meal. I had some coke. My last coke. Ill miss it all by be better without it.