I did it
“Three point one four one five nine, this is pi, followed by…” Ao3 hummed as they slowly drew the hot pie from the depths of the oven, the glorious scent wafting into the air. “…two six five three five eight-nine, circumference over dii-ameter…”
Tumblr appeared in the doorway, a smile lighting up across their face as they sniffed the air. “…shoulda known you’d do something nerdy for today,” they teased, stepping into the kitchen. “This is what you were so focused on that you denied me cuddles, huh?”
Ao3 set the steaming pastry on the stove. “Worth it now?”
“Mmmm…depends on how good it is. I’m still in cuddle deficiency, haven’t gotten any since our scary movie night on Friday.” Tumblr wrapped their arms around Ao3’s waist and settled their chin on their shoulder. “What’s inside?”
“Taste it and find out.” Ao3 grabbed a knife and handed it to their partner.
Tumblr paused, eyeing the silver utensil with a sudden, almost mad gleam in their eye.
“…babe?” Ao3 tested.
“Mm?”
“Why are you staring at the knife like that?”
“Mm. Uh, nothing.” Tumblr lowered the knife to the crust’s edge. Hesitated.
“Hellie.”
“Archie.”
“What are you doing?”
“…fighting the impulsive thoughts.”
“To what?”
Tumblr bit their lip. “…stab it. 23 times.”
Ao3 stared at them. “Specifically 23?”
“Yeah.”
Ao3’s brow furrowed, then they put it together. “…the Ides.”
“My dearest, I know you worked hard on this. I fear you may have to take the knife away from me.”
Ao3 gently pulled the knife from their partner’s fingers, set it aside. Then they turned and grabbed a small bowl, which they’d been using to hold the leaves they picked off of the strawberries. They plucked out the largest, roundest ones and arranged it in an almost-finished ring around the center of the pie. Tumblr watched with wide eyes.
Then Ao3 picked up a smaller knife that wouldn’t scrape the bottom of the pie tin and handed it over.
“Go for it.”
Tumblr’s lips parted. “Babe…”
“Go, my beloved Brutus. Fulfill the prophecy. It’ll still taste good.”
Tumblr took one more second to soak in just how deeply they loved Ao3. Then they plunged their dagger into the center of the pie, howling with gleeful laughter as the esteemed pie became a bloody mess of justice.
