Jun 9, 2020
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Dear mom
I sat on a beach for the first time in at least a decade. I can't swim, never saw the value in sand and heat. But I sat with my best friend and watched such small waves go by. The wind was so steady but it was so quiet. And I think I get it now. For just a moment I had such a feeling of peace.
I never wanted to go because I don't like water. I don't tan and being around crowds makes me so anxious. But he dragged me down (sand so soft it was almost silky. It's not as hard as I imagined) and got our feet wet. I thought beaches were for families and active people. But sitting there with him was so relaxing. I get it. I felt peace for the first time in a long time
I get it now. I get why you liked it so much. Going to the beach at 8 was crowded and hot. I only remember getting burned and forced in the water with my brothers. But I couldn't enjoy it that way. But we sat for hours watching people fly kites and just talking about anything. Not a single cloud in sight. I see what you see now
I'm rambling. I'm just stressed and suicidal and I don't even know why. I'm grasping for any reason why. I think my brain chose you.
Maybe we could be friends. I don't think I want to date but I want to talk to you. I want to tell you how my life is going, get advice, ask you about your day. Am I being selfish? Is it just because I'm lonely? I mean I have someone I want to be with. I would choose dating him over dating you and I know him a lot less than I knew you. I just want to be friends. You were a good friend.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD! I hate that I wish you were here right now. I hate that I wish I was crying into your chest instead of my pillow. I want to move on but I want to tell you about everything that happens in my life. I want to tell you about my day and at the same time I never want to speak to you again.
Countdown to Nurthan Nuptials
24 Days
So apparently you can't delete messages in tumlr