#7-20-15

[franckcossoul]

VISIONAIRE FASHION ROUND UP: Junya Watanabe

[franckcossoul]

VISIONAIRE FASHION ROUND UP: Junya Watanabe

[imaginationcookies]

AMS : Self Thoughts ~ Positive 7-20-15

1) Almost done w/ Orphan Black :) 2) Benny :) 3) Adina :) 4) Learned how to make lasagne :)

[i-e-nfpisces]

Growing up is knowing how to pick your battles.

[is-fading-blog]

*drinks socially*

*which means I take some sips while the people are around then dump the drink when they are gone, I don’t want this shit I never wanted it what the fuck*

[moutardism]

url change

pyrux ==> moistbuttbutt

[letters-to-arden]

Dear Arden,

My best friend and I started fighting last night about her boyfriend. I felt neglected, she felt like I didn't care. It was the most intense fight we've had, ending in radio silence which she never does to me because she knows that's awful for my anxiety. Today we finally talked it out with level heads. We're good but I do have to adjust to changes and let go a little bit. She loves this guy. I like them together. And I'm happy for her. But it doesn't make it easy. Thank you Arden. I know you're going to help me through it. Love, Pam PS THANK GOD IT IS MOONDAY I NEED A SCIRA UPDATE

[is-fading-blog]

I had a strange and very overwhelming day yesterday. I broke my last working smart phone and have no chip to fit the last back up dumb phone. So I don’t have a phone or contact to all the one/two/three people I talk to. I needed someone to talk to and that just led to mistakes. I realize people aren’t on my side when I need them, only time is, but time is so fucking slow that I lose it and break things and cry a lot.

First a guy wanted help but was clearly not “all there” and scared me. He came out of the downstairs apartment area, but outside the steps, coughing then asking about people. He kept changing his story, someone was in his house or chasing him or probably gone by now. He said things like how we can’t defend ourselves without firearms. I honestly was scare and didn’t want to help but I had pepper spray with me so that was my safety net. He said maybe he heard/saw a gun too, asked me to watch his back for the intruder, asked if I knew the intruder or landlord and my age, told the police the intruder was my age. He confused the police on the phone about where he is, but they ended up searching his house then coming to my parking lot, where I was with the guy. The police asked if he needed medical attention before arriving. I didn’t realize there was blood IN his mouth (I saw something dried on his mouth and forgot) so I said no. The police came and asked about tobacco, drinking, medications, falling, and kept telling him to keep his hands from behind his back. They were checking for a pistol, they knew him. He lives really close to me. He doesn’t seem like a danger, more a danger to himself, but he still freaks me out because of his complete confusion about everything.

I stayed in a funk and cried coming in late to work, which was a festival in the morning, then normal shitty work. I was stuck in the worst room alone doing everything myself at clinical, and there’s no point in describing it. I broke my phone there and almost seriously lost it. I thought about leaving, I went to a back room crying to give up and ran into one of the two students that took clinical with me last semester. Literally only because I ran into him and he stopped me, brought be back, and helped, that is the only reason I was able to finish the night.

I’m really miserable and have no stress management.

Now I have to get a phone (or chip or ANYTHING) which requires 20+ minutes of driving to another town.... which... isn’t the worst thing in the world but... I have no GPS... and because I do not handle stress, I cannot handle getting LOST and having to FIND and ASK some stranger on mountain highways for directions.

No thank you, I have had enough experience for days. But now i have to keep working 10 more days in a row out of 12. This is how I payed to get 4 days in a row off later. It was really bad timing for my freak out to happen AT clinical, going into days and days of clinical without break. It’s people or the world, or something that’s not my phone nor necessarily my work, that causes it. I’m voting people freaking me out.

I just need to vent and don’t know how without being destructive.