CR Week 1 - Denial, Part 2 of 2, 09/19/18
The following are my answers to the CR workbook. Clarification: when I say “medication”, I mean my anti-anxiety medicine.
5. What was the “family secret” that everyone was trying to protect. - There weren’t any. I grew up aware of most of the problems going on in the family including divorce, infidelity, gang violence, cousins doing prison time, etc.
6. How do I handle pain and disappointment? - PRE-medication = distraction = boyfriends, school, porn, keeping myself occupied all day everyday
- POST-medication = outbursts I handled my pain now by allowing myself to feel it wherever I may be (in bed, in the car, with the few friends I told everything to). I let myself cry as loudly and as long as I needed to. As for anger, I would just walk around all huffy and not say a word to anyone.
As for disappointment it depends... - If i’m disappointed in myself, I’m very harsh on myself - replaying the moment repeatedly while agonizing over how that could’ve played better. - If I’m disappointed in someone else, I keep it to myself I’ll daydream though about what I would say to them if I did speak up.
7. How do I address my denial? - With the help of this program, I’m developing the confidence to talk to people directly related to my denial over my feelings about different things (childhood traumas, bad parenting, etc.)
8. How am I beginning to face the reality and break the effects of denial? - I’m slowly opening up more to my mom, Rin, and my friends versus facing my thoughts alone. - Journaling... everything. Especially the things I don’t have the courage to face out loud yet.
