Nuchal Screening is now on the 8th which means I get to see this little squish two days earlier 😁 But that appt is at 3:10pm and Teddy gets his cast off at 9:00am.
I really hope I don't have to call and try to get an earlier appt so we aren't out all day, but I'm not counting on it 😕😖
“Jason.” Tim utters breathlessly after their first kiss.
“Jason.” Tim screams at the gravestone for hours until his voice is raw after the funeral is over.
“Jason.” Tim mutters in disbelief after seeing the DNA test on the batcomputer.
“Jason.” Tim raged and immediately tells the ‘Red Hood’ off for leaving him and letting him think he was dead.
“Jason.” Tim says with an uncontrollable smile and happy tears streaming down his face after Jason proposes to him in the spot where they had their first kiss.
“Jason.” Tim teased after Jason quotes literature in his vows at their wedding.
“Jason.” Tim laughed almost hysterically after they were approved to adopt their first child.
“Jason.” Tim lightheartedly scolded after he shows there kid how to punch a kid for telling him having two dads is wrong.
“Jason.” Tim grumbled after he notices that someone had eaten his slice of leftover cake from the 10 year anniversary party.
“Jason.” Jason reminisces all times he heard Tim say his name in a big moment of their lives as he stares blankly at Tim’s grave. He was killed in an accident while trying to push a little girl out of the way. “Always the hero, Babybird.” Jason sobbed to a freshly dug grave with his sons and daughters hugging him in pain and the rest of the batfamily behind them.
“Tim.” Jason breathes before his heartline fades and he passed away surrounded by his kids and siblings.
aka: 9 times Jay tries to win Voight over (intentionally and not so intentionally) and the 1 time he doesn’t need to.
Also on ff.net and AO3.
Many, many thanks to @justkillingtimewhileiwait for all of her help, listening to me bounce ideas off her, ramble on about what I wanted to write and mostly, the beta-ing. You are awesome! :)
“Erin.” Voight breathing her name in relief was what snapped her attention up from the linoleum floor of the ER where she had been staring for the better part of the past 30 minutes.
Her senses suddenly came crashing back to her; the sounds of the busy hospital, the smell of the alcohol being swabbed at her skin, the sight of bright white lights of the room and the feel of heat on her arm as she was being stitched. Only taste remained, but as she couldn’t taste blood, she counted herself lucky.
Voight was in front of her within four steps, causing her to crane her neck up from her position on the edge of the bed. “How bad is it?”
Erin blinked a couple of times as she forced herself to interpret his words and come up with a reply. “It’s just a graze,”
He nodded, peering at the two neat lines of black stitches on her left bicep before catching her eyes again. “And Jay?”
Erin shook her head, feeling her eyes begin to fill once again even as she willed herself not to cry. Not again. Not here. “It’s bad, Hank,” she whispered, her voice coming out shakily and rougher than she would like. Shaking her head, her eyes drifted back to the floor, unable to look at Voight as she spoke lest she broke down. “He crashed twice on the way here. They- they took him straight up to surgery after they got him stable. Will’s up there waiting.”
“Erin-” he began, but when she failed to look up, she felt him shift until he was eye level with her, claiming her attention with a warm hand upon hers on the examination table. Erin had barely noticed how they had cleaned up her hands with warm water to make sure she didn’t have any other injuries. “Hey, look at me, kiddo,” Voight demanded, and she slowly did as he said. “Your partner is nothing if not stubborn. He’s a fighter, okay? He’s not going to let this beat him.”
“You didn’t see him, you don’t know that! They got him three times and I couldn’t-” she broke off, taking in a ragged breath and willing herself to calm down so not to remember all the red, warm, sticky blood she had had the worst time trying to control until the EMTs had reached them.
After returning fire and getting all the perpetrators down, Erin had turned to Jay, who had looked paler than she had ever seen him. Guiding him to the floor where they were, she had quickly seen the causes of it and radioed in for an urgent ambulance. She had managed to keep Jay talking and awake for no more than 2 minutes.
She could feel the small tugs on her arm as the doctor worked to put in her stitches, not saying a word or acknowledging the two of them as she did so. Curling her hands around the edge of the table, she fought the urge to scream and shout, to stop with the platitudes, to beg for an update even though she was told she would only get one once he was out of surgery.
Closing her eyes, she forced herself to compartmentalise as she filled Voight in with what had happened. “They were waiting for us, knew we wouldn’t be on our guard ‘cause they were just witnesses. It’s only because Jay thought he heard something that we hit the ground before they opened fire. Or he pulled me down; I don’t remember,” she admitted, shaking her head and knowing it was the emotional stress right then that was causing her memories to get a bit jumbled up.
“We’ll piece it all together once we get a statement from the both of you, but until then, let’s get you patched up, and then we’ll head up to see how Jay’s doing,” he told her calmly, patting her hand a couple of times before standing up straight again.
Nodding, Erin peered up through her lashes at the thought of leaving the ER and heading back into the reality of waiting. “Hank, I’m scared. It was really bad,” she murmured softly, hearing him sigh in response.
“Don’t go there, Erin. Until we hear anything else, you’ve got to believe he’ll be fine, alright?” he said strictly, leaving no room for argument. Knowing there was nothing she could say to that, she nodded once again, allowing her eyes to close as she felt him lovingly cup her cheek and press a kiss to the top of her head.
It was the best comfort she could seek right then.
…
Surgery had apparently been a success, but Erin was not seeing any progress. It had been over 7 hours since she’d been allowed to see Jay, laying on the hospital bed with IVs attached to both hands, wires monitoring his vitals and an oxygen mask ensuring he got enough.
Will had explained to her in layman’s terms that it had been the bullet Jay had taken to the abdomen which had caused the most problem. It had nicked the hepatic artery, which was why he had lost so much blood. Luckily, and Erin had scoffed dryly at his use of the word, it hadn’t caused any other internal damage, with the two other wounds also being easy fixes. The one that had hit him just below his shoulder had been lodged in the muscle with the one in his arm was more of a flesh wound.
Everyone else had returned to the district soon after hearing Jay would be okay, with only Voight lingering back to make sure she would be alright at the hospital. After assuring him she would, and that she had Will there too, he had given her a brief hug, reminded her he had told her how stubborn her partner was and to call if she needed anything at all.
The chair she sat on at the side of Jay’s bed was anything but comfortable, but she wasn’t about to complain. The last time she had muttered about her arm itching, Will had tried to arrange her a morphine drip to help with the pain. She had shot him down immediately without stating why, saying she’d prefer a numbing agent instead.
Will must have been happy to have something to do after feeling almost useless the entire day as his little brother was being tended to that he had fetched a tube of lidocaine himself and applied it around her stitches. Erin would have insisted on doing it herself if she hadn’t recognised the need for a reprieve from simply watching Jay do nothing on Will’s features. So she had bared it and said thank you at the end.
Gently running her fingers over the back of Jay’s she carefully curled her hand around his once again, making sure not to joust the needle in the back of it. He was warm and familiar, and if she closed her eyes and blocked out the sounds, she could almost imagine they were in bed at home. With her on her tablet, reading a book or surfing the internet as Jay slept besides her, hand clutched in hers and resting somewhere on her. Using her tablet one-handed wasn’t the easiest achievement in the word but she would gladly sacrifice her other hand if it meant holding his.
It was nearing 2 a.m. when she felt his fingers twitch against hers. Sitting up straight, Erin leaned forward to take a proper look at him and stood up when she saw his eyes start to blink open slowly.
“Will, he’s waking up,” she called out to the doctor. Will jumped to his feet from where he was sat on the small couch against the wall, resting his eyes in a way that had made her think he had actually been asleep. Turning all her attention back to her boyfriend, she reached out to gently skim the pads of her fingers over his temple. “Jay?”
He immediately reacted to her touch, trying to bring up the hand she wasn’t holding. However, Will got to him first and held his arm down to the bed to keep him still. “Don’t move, Jay. Just give me a second, alright?”
Will then went about checking his vitals in ways Erin could not understand. She noticed he only called for assistance once he had done what he wanted, and she smiled softly at his brotherly gesture, wanting to check on him first before anyone else began prodding around.
Jay tried to reach up again, going for the mask on his face but only to be stopped by Will insisting he left it alone until he fully woke up from his anaesthesia.
“Hey, hey, no. Listen to your brother for now,” Erin told him as he weakly attempted to fight Will’s instructions.
She stepped closer to him, leaning over the top of the bed so she could see him properly and hoped he could too. The anaesthesia was still in his system, and she could tell he was fighting sleep by the way his eyelids pulled to be closed. Erin ran her fingers through his hair tenderly, hoping to coerce him to give in without any fight. He turned his head ever so slightly in her direction at her ministrations.
“I’m here, I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere. Relax, okay? You’re going to be alright,” she murmured reassuringly, ignoring Will as he carried on with his duties or the new presence in the room in the form of Doctor Rhodes.
Jay’s eyes eventually fluttered close but she felt him squeeze her hand more fiercely than she thought should have been possible for someone in his state. Ghosting her lips over his forehead, she pulled back and smiled softly to herself as relief flooded her completely.
…
When Jay came around the next evening, it was the first time he was fully coherent. Which meant Erin had to deal with empathetically assuring him that she was fine and showing him her injuries when Will ratted her out to prove to him that it truly wasn’t that bad.
Between the two of them, they were able to fill Jay in with what happened after paying the 'witnesses’ a visit. He had been shocked to say the least, anger quickly replacing it until Erin informed him that they had taken out the two shooters immediately. The case was closed now, anyway, and once they had Jay’s statement, it would be filed away. A pretty anticlimactic ending to a horrifying case, Erin thought, but kept it to herself.
“So, um, just so you know, you don’t get to do this again, okay?” Erin told him once they were alone. Will had a shift starting in a few hours and had gone to take a power nap, leaving Erin with Jay for the first time since everything had happened.
“What, get shot? It’s not at the top of my list of fun things to do,” Jay remarked smartly. He had been propped up on the bed so he wasn’t completely lying down anymore, allowing Erin to see him better and for him to feel less like a patient.
“Anything that lands you here, like this. This is it. I can’t do this again, Jay,” she stated from where she sat in the chair next to his bed as she had for the past 24-plus hours. She had her elbow on the bed next to his legs with her head being supported by her hand.
“Erin, I’m going to be fine,” he said for what seemed like the millionth time to her, and she couldn’t help the wry smile that curved at her lips.
“Yeah, but for a while there, I had no idea what I was going to hear next,” she explained, swallowing around the lump that had formed in her throat and willing her emotions away. Not now, not again. Not when Jay was up, talking and even joking with her. The memories and the associated feelings with what had happened would just take a bit longer to disappear. “And hearing you didn’t make it was on equal footing with everything was fine.”
Jay watched her for a moment before sighing. He reached out a hand towards her, palm up on the bed. Slipping her other hand into his, she gripped his wrist as he did hers, thumbs hooked around each other. She could feel his pulse against her fingertips, and it was somehow more reassuring than the machines that he had been attached to when he had been asleep.
“It’ll take a hell lot more than some bullets to keep me from you, alright? I’m not going anywhere, not for a long time,” he told her, his voice not leaving any room for argument as if he could dictate his further simply by willing it. Erin wondered briefly if he had recalled her words from early that morning, when she had soothed him back to sleep but considering he couldn’t remember waking up, she put it down to pure coincidence. “I still have so many plans on how to annoy you for the rest of your life.”
Raising a brow at his casual smirk, she pondered, “Is that so? Wanna clue me in on what to expect?”
“Nah, where’s the fun in that?” Jay teased with a boyish grin, making her roll her eyes.
She ducked her head initially to hide her laughter, but was forced to lift it up to cover up a yawn with her hand. It hadn’t hit her until then that she hadn’t slept in well over 36 hours.
“Sorry,” she murmured, shaking her head to push away the fog of sleep threatening to overtake her.
Jay squeezed her hand gently and gave her a soft look. “Go home and sleep, Erin. You must be exhausted.”
“I can sleep perfectly fine here,” she replied with a gentle smile, resting her elbow back onto the bed and resuming her previous position.
“No, you can’t, and I’m in no shape to give you any massages anytime soon,” he told her pointedly.
Erin shook her head again. “I’m not leaving you, Jay. And I’m not going home unless it’s with you,” she said adamantly, ignoring his attempt to lighten the mood which at other times would have her smartly snarking back.
“Then you’re gonna need someone to swing by the apartment because I hear it could be a few days and you’re gonna need more clothes,” he pointed out, repeating what Doctor Rhodes had said after explaining what he had done during surgery when Jay had asked. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Will and Erin, he just knew the two of them would try to sugarcoat the worst of it whilst also insisting he needed to take it easy to recuperate.
“I’ll sort it out tomorrow,” Erin brushed off flippantly, pursing her lips against another yawn but failing to keep it back.
“Come here,” Jay finally sighed when she looked at him sheepishly, tugging at her hand. “Come up here and lay down with me. If you’re not gonna head home then the least I can do is share my bed with you.”
“How gallant,” she chuckled, not needing to be told twice as she kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the narrow bed. Fortunately, their good sides matched, meaning she was able to curl into his side without nudging any of his injuries. “Don’t let me hurt you.”
“You won’t, I promise. Nothing about you laying with me could ever hurt,” he murmured as she laid her head on his shoulder, feeling him brush his lips over her forehead as his arm came around her to hold her to him. Erin was grateful, not just to be held close but also because she was sure she would fall off the bed if he didn’t.
“Is this okay?” she asked, resting a hand on his chest just next to the gauze which covered the wound on his other shoulder.
“It’s perfect,” he replied and she allowed herself to relax into him, settling until she could close her eyes and almost pretend they were back at home in their own bed.
They fell into a comfortable silence; Erin focusing on the soft beating of his heart below her ear whilst she felt him play with her fingers splayed on his chest. She was sure it was enough to lull her to sleep, his gentle touch was soothing, as was simply having him there, warm and alive beneath her. However, she could practically hear the time ticking by, her eyes staying shut but her mind refusing to give her some peace.
“Talk to me about something,” she finally muttered, feeling Jay pause momentarily in his touch and resting his hand upon hers before carrying on not a second later. It was clear he had thought she had fallen asleep, and she smiled to herself at his surprise.
He cleared his throat before he spoke, and when she heard amusement lining his words, Erin almost regretted asking. “You know what is at the top of my list of fun things to do?”
“Don’t say it-” she warned, tilting her head back and opening her eyes to glare at him.
“You,” he finished with a lopsided grin, ignoring her and her glare.
“What did I just say?” she grumbled with a huff, tucking her face into the crook of his neck to stop him from seeing the smile that threatened to break out. “Idiot.”
“You told me to talk to you about something, so I did,” Jay reasoned innocently, his hand trailing up her arm to where the bandages for her stitches wrapped around her bicep and then back down to her hand. “Alright, alright, how about the story of how Will use to convince me we had a long lost sister who was sent away? And told me I’d follow suit every time I did something he didn’t like?”
…
Jay wasn’t sure how long he had spent telling the story to Erin before he had noticed she was truly asleep, but knew it had been at least an hour since then and sleep was definitely evading him. He put it down to the fact that he had slept for a good day and hadn’t done much to tire himself out since the anaesthesia had worn off completely. Even the painkillers weren’t that drowsy.
Contemplating picking up Erin’s phone from where it laid on the table next to the bed for some entertainment, he had just figured out how to reach out without dislodging or moving her when a familiar voice sounded from the doorway.
“I’m pretty sure that’s against hospital regulations,” Voight stated dryly, nodding towards Erin.
Jay froze for a moment, unsure how to tread these unfamiliar waters where his boss was not shooting him an 'if-looks-could-kill’, hardened glare or gruffly telling him to keep things professional, even if being hospitalised most likely counted as personal time.
“You want to tell her to move? Because you’re more than welcome to tell her to move,” Jay lied, not wanting her to move at all. He kept his voice quiet, not wanting to wake her up even as he unintentionally curled a hand around her hip for reasons didn’t know. Probably a self-preservation method to either keep Voight from doing as he had said or hurting him. Not that either scenario was likely; they both knew what Erin was like when forced to wake up and even Hank Voight had better ways of dealing with someone than when they were recovering.
Voight smiled and took a step into the room, stopping by the foot of his bed. “How are you doing?”
“Good. I mean, apart from these holes in my body, I’m practically fine,” Jay answered casually, playing off his injuries as he had been doing every time someone asked him. He wouldn’t tell them about the burning hot pain each wound caused him, with the painkillers only taking the edge off. Nor about how even breathing seemed to sting a little in places he was sure shouldn’t be aching.
“You weren’t fine when you were bleeding out everywhere. It was a close one,” Voight told him, more emotional and concerned than Jay had ever heard him talk to anyone other than Erin. It was a welcomed change, but Jay knew better than to over analyse it.
“So you do care, Sarge! I knew it,” he replied with his boyish smile, earning himself an eyeroll unlike which he knew Erin would give him too if she was awake.
“You literally died less than 24 hours ago in front of her; I’m here to make sure you don’t do it again anytime soon,” Voight retorted, all signs of his caring nature gone from his tone though Jay could still see the softness in his features.
Sobering up, Jay nodded once. “I’ll be alright in a few weeks,” he assured him, knowing what Erin must have gone through the previous day would have shaken up the man who had practically raised her, regardless of his feelings towards their relationship or him.
“You saved her life,” Voight stated, recalling what Doctor Rhodes had told him about Jay’s injuries and Erin’s account of the shooting. The bullet Jay had taken to the shoulder was the perfect height to get Erin right in the head, meaning any response slower than theirs had been would probably have resulted in him losing his only remaining child.
“I would have done the same for anyone,” Jay said earnestly, brushing off Voight’s intense stare, under which he felt uneasy. He knew he’d have to give his statement about the events of what happened once he was better but he didn’t feel like rehashing it until he had to.
“I know, kid, I know,” Voight said with a smile, laying a hand on his leg and squeezing gently. Jay didn’t miss the gesture, nor the nickname which he used exclusively for Erin, but knew not mention it. “Get better soon. And call me if you need anything, especially with Erin.”
Quickly clearing his mind about Voight’s actions, he watched as the other man looked at him expectantly, obviously having seen Jay react to his demand to call him. “Can you come by in the morning to get her to go home? She refused tonight but I don’t want her to stay here all day again.”
“I’ll be here by 9,” Voight assured him. Taking one final glance at the woman in question, he merely said goodbye before leaving.
“Was that Hank or was I dreaming?” Erin murmured not a minute later, causing Jay to bristle at the sudden words being spoken warmly into his neck without stirring.
“That was him. He just wanted to see how I was, and you,” he confirmed, smiling when she moaned as she shifted to lay her head on his shoulder again. “Though I’m surprised he didn’t manhandle you out of here for this,” he added, pressing her close again with the hand on her waist to indicate exactly what he meant.
“Told you he liked you,” Erin taunted, pulling her hand out from under his on his chest to brush back her hair from her face as she peered up at him. “Or it’s because you’ve just been shot. Might want to be on guard once you’re back to work.”
“Might use you as my guard,” Jay retorted lightly, catching her eyes. “You dream of Voight?”
“Shut up,” she groaned at his play on her earlier words, returning to her her previous position pressed against him and closing her eyes, purposefully ignoring his silent laughter as she welcomed sleep again.
Rain drops
If you try likening them to a colour they almost seem to appear in the seven prismatic colour tones
I feel comforted by their silent rhythm. This is Hkaru.
[“a-ame-rain”, “i-iro-colour” and “chi-chinmoku-silence” => Aichi]
It’s May! How is everyone doing?
On April 30 we held our ｢Kalafina "9 + ONE"｣ concert @Aichi NTK Hall!
Thank you to everyone who came to see us!
Thank you to everyone who shared their feelings with us!
The ceiling oft he venue is very high and the audience are seated across three floors. With every songs, everyone’s thoughts and feelings were flowing towards the stage. gradually the evening became more heated and filled with passion! I feel like I was overly enthusiastic due to your passion, I might have talked too much during the MC *strained laughter*
We’ll bring the same energy to Osaka! We’ll be awaiting you at Festival Hall!
\(^-^)人(^o^)人(^O^)/
Here’s Aichi’s power meal…
Chopped Kabayaki eel on rice!! As a child I didn’t really like to eat eel but I’ve learned to appreciate it as something very delicious (*´꒳`*)
Speaking of Aichi, here’s one of the few remaining castles built before the Edo period, a national treasure, Inuyma Castle!
When I visited the area of Inuyama Castle, the weather turned quite bad so I was not able to see the castle with a blue sky background…
It’s so precious as one of the last remaining castles! Such a valuable place.
The stairs in the castle are extremely steep, it would be really scary if there wasn’t a railing!
There are also lots of cracks which were purposely added to prepare for enemy invasions.
Right next to the castle, there’s a huge Japanese cedar tree.
It’s the sacred tree that used to protect the castle, unfortunately it has withered throughout time.
Whenever I get to experience history like that, it feels like the past is coming to life right in front of me. Once again, I got to have a precious experience which I’ll carry with me from now on.
Well, until next time.
♪ Hikaru ♪
KiKO FOR UNiF PAPILLON TOP UKKW-1013 - ¥18,144
Also, here are some snippets from a Toyama newspaper, showing a bit more of Kalafina at Nitten
Source
Setlist from yesterday ｢Kalafina “9+ONE”｣ Aichi performance April 30
01.五月雨が過ぎた頃に Samidare ga Sugita Koro ni
02. misterioso
03. Lacrimosa
04. 明日の景色 Ashita no Keshiki
05. 光の旋律 Hikari no Senritsu
06. 未来 Mirai
07. Oblivious
08. storia
09. 五月の魔法 Gogatsu no Mahou
10. Consolation
11. to the beginning
12. 春を待つ Haru wo Matsu
13. Gloria
14. メルヒエン Märchen
15. Magia
16. Kyrie
17. Heavenly Blue
18. One Light
19. into the world
Encore
20. 音楽 Ongaku
21. Blaze
22. 夢の大地 Yume no Daichi
aka: 9 times Jay tries to win Voight over (intentionally and not so intentionally) and the 1 time he doesn’t need to.
Also on ff.net and AO3.
Many, many thanks to @justkillingtimewhileiwait for all of her help, listening to me bounce ideas off her, ramble on about what I wanted to write and mostly, the beta-ing. You are awesome! :)
This is the last chapter, folks. Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, liked, and reblogged this fic. It was so much fun to write! And, once again, I need to thank @justkillingtimewhileiwait for her motivation and support whilst writing this (and my fics to come!).
It only occurred to him once he was fully recovered and back to work from the shooting that Erin hadn’t disputed his want to spend the rest of their lives together. Even if he had been joking about annoying her for the most of it.
It hadn’t come up again, but in true Erin fashion, Jay wasn’t sure if that was because she had brushed it off or was refusing to deal with it. He had experienced the same kind of doubts when he had asked her to move in with him a year earlier, where she hadn’t directly addressed that step in their relationship until he had pressed her. And when he had, he had been pleasantly surprised to find that she was at the same place as he had been.
But this? This was something he definitely wanted. And unless he was actually asking her the question, it wasn’t something he could ask her about. So instead he had dropped a couple of hints to try to gauge her reaction to a bigger commitment and a future together, mentioning retiring in Wisconsin again and investing in a new car because, let’s face it, both of theirs had seen much better days.
Erin had smiled at the idea of Wisconsin, jibing carelessly about needing to sort out the creaking panels on the stairs, however, if she was going to stay there for more than a week. But it was her reply to the car which had given him the reassurance he had needed.
“Okay, but babe, you do realise we still have like 4 years left on paying off this place right? Unless something spectacular happens to them, why don’t we just put it on the back burner until we’re official homeowners?” she reasoned as they sat lazily on the couch in front of the TV, relaxing after a finishing up a tough case that had last for the better part of the past week.
Jay smiled to himself at her reply, glad she was unable to see from her position sprawled across his chest. “Yeah, I guess so. We do use the GMC more often than not these days, anyways.”
“Exactly. And who knows what else might happen in the next 4 years. If there’s one thing my sabbatical taught me, it was that saving up for rainy days isn’t the worst idea,” Erin added. The subject of her relapse over two years earlier was barely ever addressed, but when it was, Jay had found that she had made her peace with it. It had been a terrible time in her life, but pretending it hadn’t happened would only mean she hadn’t dealt with it.
Pressing his lips to the top of her head, he muttered into her hair, “I really hope your sabbatical taught you more than that, otherwise we’re gonna need to have a talk.” He tightened the arm around her waist to show he was just joking, laughing when she slapped him on the abdomen with a dramatically outraged gasp.
“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that? ‘Cause your sense of humour is nonexistent, and that’s just sadly unattractive,” she told him with a huff, tilting her head up to glare at him though the smile she couldn’t keep back ruined the effect completely.
Jay leaned down to kiss her chastely. “Yeah, well, the joke’s on you because you’re the one who’s stuck with me.” Erin hummed noncommittally at that and he took it as a win.
Which was how he had found himself texting his boss the next free Saturday they had, asking if he could pop over for a quick visit. He had done it without thinking, knowing any second guessing would give him cold feet, or worse, doubts.
Voight had replied not 10 minutes later, telling him he had some time that morning if he made it quick. So with an excuse of seeing Will and making sure he was alright after his break up with Nina, Jay had kissed Erin goodbye and headed straight out.
Jay parked outside the Voight house like he had done many times before, turning off the engine and sitting for a minute. He had no idea why he was trying to summon up the courage to do this; he was an Army Ranger, for god’s sake. He’d face fresh hell when on tour for days, and nights, straight, and got through coming back home. He’d even broken Voight’s very own rule about relationships in his team, and more than that, with the woman he considered a daughter.
But really, he did know why he was so nervous. This was the step that would set everything in motion. It would be the first time he would admit to someone other than his brother, who had heard it when he had still been in New York and Jay had drunkenly replied to a text that he was going to marry his partner one day, that he wanted everything with Erin. And he wanted it soon.
Letting out a long breath, he opened the car door and got out before he could convince himself otherwise. Jogging up the porch stairs, he knocked on the door, not having to wait long until Voight appeared and invited him in.
“What can I do for you, Halstead?” he asked as he led them towards the kitchen.
“It’s about Erin,” Jay began, taking a seat at the table when Voight gestured for him to do so after silently asking if he wanted a coffee.
“Is she alright?” Voight pressed, sliding a cup towards him and taking the seat on the opposite side of the table.
“Yeah, yeah, she’s fine,” he brushed off, stalling while he sipped his drink. It wasn’t the kind of liquid courage he would like, but it was good enough at 9 a.m. on a Saturday. “It’s actually about Erin and I. I want to ask her to marry me, and I wanted your permission.”
The sound of Voight’s surprised chuckle was definitely not what Jay had expected as a response to that. “My permission?”
“Yes, sir. You’re her father in every way that counts, and I know you haven’t always approved of our relationship, or liked me very much, but I do love her. More than anything,” Jay explained earnestly, watching carefully as Voight’s features slowly transformed back to his typical stoic facade.
“You think I would have let you stay in my unit if I didn’t like you?” Voight asked rhetorically, arching a brow at the younger man who merely nodded, considering his words.
“I guess that answers that question,” he stated lightly.
Voight shook his head almost fondly at the reply before taking them back to one of their earliest conversations. “When I told you to stay away from Erin, it was for your own benefit. And when I didn’t approve of your relationship, it was because I didn’t need that kind of drama in my team, and definitely not between two of my best detectives.”
Unable to think of what to say to his boss basically admitting that he never had really had a problem with him as a whole, Jay reverted to what he knew best and joked, “Well, I can’t promise there’ll never be drama with Erin around.”
“Understatement of the year,” Voight remarked with a small laugh.
They sat in a beat of silence, drinking their coffee whilst Jay pondered what it was the other man was considering. He hadn’t thought it would take so long, if he had been honest. He would ask Voight for permission to marry Erin, and then leave with the answer, dealing with the consequences once he’s out of there. Coffee and a chat definitely hadn’t fitted into those plans, and he was personally glad he had told Erin he’d gone over to see Will to give him the extra time.
“Do you really think you need my permission to marry her?” Voight finally questioned, hold Jay’s gaze as he did to people when he wanted to see if they were lying.
“No, but I’d like it,” he replied truthfully.
An impressed look passed over Voight’s face at his admission, and, if Jay was being daring, he might have said there was a hint of pride there too. “If I say no?”
“Then I’ll propose anyway, but I know it’d mean a lot to her if we had your approval,” he answered, before confessing, “It’d mean a lot to me.”
Voight sighed deeply, and Jay prepared himself to hear his rejection. “She’ll be pissed when she finds out, but yeah, you have my approval.”
Relief flooded him instantly, a weight he had no idea he had been carrying lifting off his shoulders and chest. “Yeah?” Jay questioned to make sure he was hearing right, unable to keep the keep the grin back when he saw Voight roll his eyes good-naturedly, a smile on his face too.
“You’re a good guy, Jay. One of the best I know. It’d be an honour to have you as part of the family.” It was rare to hear a compliment from his boss, so Jay took it to heart and understood he truly meant every word he said.
“That is if she says yes,” he muttered, realising that now he had gotten permission from Voight, the next person who could deter him would be Erin herself.
“She will,” Voight replied confidently, as if he knew something Jay didn’t. In truth, he probably did, and Jay knew he would never know what it was.
…
He recruited Will immediately in an effort to pick the perfect ring for Erin, only to find that his idea of helping was enough to make Jay want to bash his head in. So he got Burgess to tag along too, making them both swear a vow of silence as he took them to the one store where he had thought he had found the perfect ring.
They had agreed.
It was a solitaire diamond, princess cut on a platinum band, according to the jeweller. All Jay knew was that it was gorgeous and he didn’t want to propose with any other ring but that.
However, that had been three months earlier and Jay was no closer to proposing than he had been when he had gone to see Voight. He kept telling himself that he was simply waiting for the perfect moment, that he couldn’t do it on the job and that it wasn’t like he could keep the ring on him all the time.
He had contemplated taking her to the cabin and proposing there, but it was already cold enough in Chicago that Jay couldn’t put her through a Northern Wisconsin winter too. He wanted her to say yes, after all.
So eventually he plucked the ring out of the box and decided to start keeping the ring on him when off duty, in case the ideal moment popped up when they were strolling in the park one day, or when casually grabbing some coffee one morning. It was unlikely, but Jay was running out of ideas.
In lack of his better judgement, Jay went back to his Will for some help where the doctor had suggested a fancy dinner, to which he had shot down immediately.
“Have you met Erin? She’d hate all the attention,” Jay told him, stealing a beer from the fridge of his brother’s new apartment.
“Then just hire the whole place out or something,” Will countered with a casual shrug, to which Jay glared.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did we get transported to some Twilight Zone world where cops make enough money to do that crap?”
After that, his big brother hadn’t been much of a help. Burgess had suggested the locker room, but Jay ruled out work altogether. And he was loathed to admit it but he was still scared of Voight enough to prevent him from asking him for an opinion. The last thing he wanted for the sergeant take back his approval when if he thought Jay couldn’t even think of a way to propose. It wasn’t a great start to married life, that was sure.
…
Having wrapped up another tough case, Jay put all of the frustration that had recently built up to the back of his mind as he focused on getting the two of them to unwind for that evening. They had grabbed some Chinese on the way home, stopping by a little bakery to indulge in some cupcakes too, and were now settled on the floor of their living room as they silently ate and watched mindless TV.
Well, it was mindless to most people, but Jay for some reason really got into the documentaries that were constantly on the educational channels. Even Erin had grown to tolerate it, especially when she was too tired to care about what was on and just wanted to eat, spend time together and relax.
Jay furrowed his brow as he concentrated on the TV, listening carefully about the aboriginal tribes of Australia and their traditional tribal tattoos. How they were worn with pride with each one having a significant meaning, usually related to a moment or an aspect of their lives.
Which, for a reason unknown to him, somehow got him thinking about the woman sat a foot away on his left, head tilted back onto the couch with her legs crossed and food forgotten on the coffee table in front of them.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but how did you never get a tattoo?” he questioned, out of the blue. Because he knew her and he knew her body, and even if he had initially missed the scar on her belly button, he knew she didn’t have any ink on her skin at all.
Erin tilted her head to look at him slowly, arching a brow as a frown tugged at her lips. “I feel like you need to explain some more before I can justifiably get mad at you and eat the last cupcake.”
Laughing, Jay pushed the box which had once contained three cupcakes towards her and then got about tidying up the boxes of takeout now they were done with dinner. “I mean, you know; street kid, wild child and all. You’ve got piercings to tell the tale.”
Erin shrugged as she finally followed his train of thoughts. “Yeah, well, piercings are easy to do yourself. Tattoos, not too much. Plus they cost money and money went towards one of two things back then,” she said, not having to clarify what the two things she would have spent her money on back as a young teen. Picking at the cupcake, she chewed on a large piece as her lips quirked up. “And then at Hank’s, I’m pretty sure he would’ve tried to scrub it off with sandpaper if I ever came home with a tattoo.”
“Well, if you ever consider it, I have a great idea for one,” Jay told her as he sat back again, shooting her a wolfish smile which left nothing a secret as to what he was thinking.
“Lemme guess, it’s one syllable and three letters long?” she replied dryly, shooting him a sarcastic grin when he chuckled.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page. I mean, you could condense it to just one letter if you wanted to, it’d mean the same thing,” he continued, reaching out and brushing his knuckles over her left breast, above her heart. “Right about here, I reckon.”
Scoffing, Erin shoved at his shoulder to make him drop his hand. “Possessive, much?”
“You love it,” he bit back immediately, loving the way she laughed and shook her head at him.
“Debatable.” Patting his chest at the same place he had skimmed over her body, she threw him a dimpled smile and lowered her voice seductively. “You first, babe, and then we’ll talk about it.”
Jay pretended to consider it, staring at her for a moment and watching as the playful glint in her eyes made them a bit lighter than normal. His own searching hers, something simply fell into place and told him that perfect moment he had been looking for was now, regardless of the less than romantic conversation they were having.
“Tell you what; how about just a ring for now?” he asked softly, seriously. Amusement still shone on her features as he shifted onto his knees to allow him to reach into his pocket to retrieve the engagement ring he’d tucked there earlier.
“What?” Erin laughed in confusion, looking away for a second to placed the empty cupcake wrapper onto the table before turning back to him. She sobered up rapidly and gasped when he fell to one knee next to her instead of stretching back out again. “Whoa!”
Jay smiled warmly at her reaction, proffering the ring between his fingers to her. “I love you, Erin, and I want to spend my entire life with you. And short of a tattoo, I can’t think of any more official way of showing you that except this. So, will you marry me?”
“Yes, of course, I’ll marry you!” she answered without hesitation. It took longer for Jay to register her reply, knowing he had heard correctly when she nodded along with her answer.
Grinning at the realisation that she really had said yes, he lifted her left hand from her lap and slid on the ring. It was a perfect fit, as he had made sure it would be, and sparkled even in the artificial lights of their living room.
When Erin let out a breathy laugh, Jay smiled up at her. He lifted her hand up to his lips and then leant in to kiss her, hoping he could portray everything he was feeling at her accepting his proposal without being able to say it. He’d never been the most articulate person in the world, but with Erin, he’d realised actions spoke much louder than words.
Breaking apart only when they were forced to for air, Jay reluctantly opened his eyes when he felt her free hand against his cheek. “I love you, too. So much,” she whispered with a soft smile.
Pressing one last kiss to her lips, he sat back and smirked at her. “You’re only saying that to get out of the tattoo.”
“If I’d take a bullet for you, don’t you think I’d get a tattoo for you?” she laughed before holding up the hand Jay still held. “But you’ve gone and gotten me this gorgeous ring now.”
“Which I think I love the sight of more,” he replied, rubbing his thumb over the band of the ring.
This time it was Erin who leaned in, lips brushing over his, unable to keep away. “Me, too.”
…
Jay groaned when he felt her shift once again, instantly awaking him as she came to lay half upon him. They were both tangled up in the bedsheets, not having the energy to sort it out after celebrating their engagement for many, many hours before having succumbed to sleep.
Or least he had. Erin, on the other hand, somehow still had the energy to move around whereas all he could do was stroke his hand up and down her bare back soothingly.
“Go to sleep,” he muttered, not bothering to open his eyes in hopes sleep would take him instantly once again. He had never been happier to have the next day off.
“You go to sleep,” she shot back lamely.
“I’m trying but someone keeps sighing, and turning, and touching,” Jay told her, cracking open an eye and watching as she bit her bottom lip guiltily, yet not stopping in her actions.
The heel of her left hand pressed gently against his shoulder as she took in the diamond ring that newly adorned her finger. He knew she wasn’t a big fan of jewellery, but his ego was definitely enjoying the way she couldn’t keep her eyes off the ring.
“I’m happy. Deal with it,” Erin commented as she curled her hand around his shoulder and used it as leverage to push herself up so she could hover over him.
Now wide awake, he arched a brow and smirked boyishly. “Oh, I did deal with it. Multiple times if I remember correctly,” he said, brushing back her tousled hair and keeping his hand on her neck as she dipped down to kiss him. He pressed her closer to him with his other hand still on her back, looking into her bright eyes when she pulled away. “You’re really so happy you can’t sleep?”
“And excited. But yeah,” she admitted, kissing him once more. She laid back down on his chest, peering up at him and carrying on their conversation before he could even process her words and how they elated him. “How long have you been planning this?”
“Proposing? A while now. Actually deciding it’s time? About a month or two.” Her surprised look told him that that was definitely not the answer she had been expecting.
“You’ve had the ring for that long?” He nodded, causing her to laugh dryly and rest her head on his shoulder. “Wow, I’m a terrible detective.”
Jay chuckled at her dejected tone, hugging her into his side. “Nah, I just know you. I know where you wouldn’t look.”
Erin sat up immediately at his reply, narrowing her eyes at him and pointing an accusing finger. “I swear, if you say it was the cupboard under the sink with all the cleaning products, this will be the shortest engagement known to man.”
“I would never!” he exclaimed, amusement lining his words as he tugged her back down again. “But if it had been, you wouldn’t have known, right?”
“Go to sleep, Jay,” she all but grumbled, finally settling in for the night to allow them both to sleep.
…
True to Voight’s words, Erin had been pissed when she had found out that Jay had asked him for approval before proposing. It hadn’t lasted long, not when Jay clarified that his answer wouldn’t have deterred him but Voight giving him the green light only gave him the confidence that she would say yes.
After that, it was a bit difficult for her to stay mad at him, knowing how hard he had taken it when he had thought that Voight would think he wasn’t good enough for her.
“I can’t believe you actually had the guts to ask Hank for permission to marry me,” Erin teased once they had managed to tear themselves apart and get out of bed and the shower to have some breakfast.
“What can I say? I’m a traditionalist,” Jay remarked, throwing her his winning smile over his shoulder as he prepared their food whilst she sat at the table with the coffee ready.
Erin scoffed incredulously, pulling a foot onto her chair and resting her chin on her knee. “Yeah, okay; the Irish, Catholic-schooled boy who’s been living in sin for the past year is a traditionalist.”
“Not for much longer,” he reminded her, looking pointedly at her left hand as he pushed a plate with buttered toast towards her and took the seat opposite. “And I know that despite stating otherwise on numerous occasions, Voight is, for all intent and purpose, your father and you do care about what he thinks. And if nothing else, he deserved it for me to ask him first.”
Jay took a bite out of his breakfast as he watched her mull his words over, a soft smile pulling at her lips as she sipped her steaming coffee. She nodded concedingly at him, accepting what he had said as reason enough for doing what he did.
“I still can’t believe you had the guts to ask him, in the privacy of his own home, with no backup or a weapon. I mean, he very literally could have killed you,” she pointed out, far too lightheartedly for his liking.
He shrugged nonetheless. “You’re worth it.”
“Aww,” she gushed, scrunching her nose cutely. “I guess you really have won him over, huh?”
Tilting his head slightly, he considered the conversation he and Voight had had went he had gone over to ask for permission to marry Erin. “Yeah, seems like it.”
…
The first stop they made after breakfast was to see Voight. It was both out of courtesy and Erin unable to keep it to herself for another day. They figured making the announcement in person was the least he deserved, and it was little out of their way for the domestic duties they needed to fulfil afterwards.
Turned out, when it came to the sergeant in charge of the Intelligence unit, there was no real need for an announcement. Voight spotted the ring the moment he answered the door to the rather enthusiastic couple on his doorstep.
“You finally did it, huh? I beginning to think you had chickened out,” Voight laughed after leading them into the front room, patting Jay on the back as he spoke.
“How long was a while, Jay?” Erin probed, recalling his words from the previous night when she had asked how long he had been planning on proposing for.
Shrugging, he brushed off her question. “A few months. It’s all irrelevant now.”
“Uh-huh,” she replied, evidently finding it amusing and knowing he was lying.
Turning back to Voight, she lifted her hand when he gestured for her to let him see. He gave the ring a quick glance before turning his attention back to his pseudo-daughter’s happy features. “Looks beautiful.”
“Thanks,” Jay and Erin replied at the same time, giving each other incredulous looks when they realised what the other had said.
“I chose it,” Jay defended himself, grinning smugly when she rolled her eyes and backed down.
“Congratulations, kiddo. You picked a good one,” he told her with a brief hug, turning her towards him when he pulled back. His eyes flickered over her shoulder to the man in question before adding, “But you tell me if anything changes, alright? A ring is just a ring sometimes.”
Groaning at his overprotective nature, Erin slipped out of the light grip he had on her shoulder and walked to Jay’s side. “Gee, thanks, Hank. Way to ruin it.”
“Just making sure you know,” Voight stated coolly before holding out a hand towards the other man. “Jay, welcome to the family.”
“I’m glad to be a part of it,” he replied honestly, shaking his hand.
It was brief and casual, but Jay knew the meaning behind the gesture was far greater than could be explained. Voight chose his own family, both at work and at home. He chose who to keep close out of love and who to keep close out of paranoia.
Jay had no doubts that once upon a time, he would have gone straight into the second column. But not anymore. And whether it was because he managed to win Voight over like he had vowed to, or because Voight had given him a chance based on who he was as a person, Jay realised he didn’t really care anymore. Not as long as the jibes the sergeant would continue to taunt him with were his way of showing the little affection Jay was sure the older man now held for him.
“Finally,” Erin murmured from next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist.
Jay smiled down at her and brushed his lips against her forehead. “Finally.”
