#90n

[iwritesnortsintragedies]

Bolaire, to his most beloved friend: will you please kill my body? I need you to make it as violent as possible

Like, first of all, nobody is doing it like Hal/Bolaire, and secondly I appreciate that Liam "this one time I roleplayed through one of my besties strangling me to death" O'Brien is getting his enrichment

(Taliesin is also getting all the enrichment from being a creepy creature, of course)

[allscripture]

My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.

Psalm 62:5-6 (NKJV)

[iwritesnortsintragedies]

Something I still like about the boys' dynamics is that on the one hand you have Edwin, self professedly allergic to emotions, who will nevertheless make most inconveniences in his life everyone else's problem (at least if the way he handles Crystal's arrival is any indication)

Vs Charles 'I like emotions. Big emotions guy, me' who will manage everyone's issues before he admits that he even has any of his own

This works great with their everything, too: Edwin, invisible and quiet all his life, now taking up all the space he wants vs Charles, under constant scrutiny for 16 years, seeking the safety of being unperceived

Idk, I was reminded of that while reading a fic and I really like it

This is also the reason why I personally think if either of them is going to start off an explicit discussion of consent and stuff when it comes to intimacy, it's definitely Edwin

[iwritesnortsintragedies]

Personally I think the only anger issues Charles Rowland has is that he doesn't get angry enough sometimes

[iwritesnortsintragedies]

As an homage to Jayden Revri once eating an entire spoon of mustard without even twitching during an interview: an alive AU where Charles & Edwin's first date/meeting ends at an Indian restaurant Charles knows well, where Edwin orders the lowest possible level of spice and Charles orders 'you know how I like it'

When Edwin kisses Charles a little while after, they separate and he closes his eyes, one hand on his mouth, with the face of someone who deeply regrets his choices, and Charles is starting to panic and wonder what the fuck he did wrong when Edwin gives a little cough

"I don't believe this is what the poets had in mind when they described a searing kiss!"

Charles invites him in for a glass of milk

[iwritesnortsintragedies]

I love that after Edwin says "Are we now pointing out poor decisions" he shakes his jacket like you'd roll your sleeves up before a fight

The bitchy little 'since you asked for it' is just absolutely delightful

[iwritesnortsintragedies]

This assaulted me as I woke up, and I'm carefully keeping it to make sure I'll be able to use it for I'm down on my knees someday ^^

"Could we," Edwin starts, but cuts himself off.

It feels so fragile, this moment. He and Charles in the same bed, side by side, Charles' head tucked against in shoulder... And between them, the promise that Charles will still be there when Edwin wakes in the morning. It feels so fragile. Like a dream, in those brief moments where the mind is both dreaming and aware that it dreams. Edwin never could hang onto his dreams half as long as he wanted, and the prospect of this one slipping between his fingers terrifies him.

"Could we what?" Charles asks eventually, his voice quiet in the dark.

He sounds... Tender, yet nervous, and when he hooks one of his fingers around Edwin's the gesture feels tentative, like he's still not sure he's allowed. Oh, how Edwin loves him.

"Could we... Spoon?"

Charles chuckles, soft against Edwin's shoulder. He pushes himself on his elbow as Edwin does, and Edwin sees the darker outline his arm reach for his waist.

"Oh," he say, catching Charles' wrist as delicately as he can, "no, I meant—"

He doesn't dare say the rest, half afraid to wake himself up if he speaks too much. Instead, he gives Charles' chest a gentle push, first met with resistance and then the sort of tension born of incertitude. Gently, so gently, Edwin coaxes Charles to lay on his left side, head resting on his arm as Edwin slowly slides down to mold himself to Charles' back, curling his legs up until he can tangle them with Charles' own.

Charles has always been on the leaner side, elegant and gangly in turns, but solid also. Strong in ways even Edwin's wider, stockier frame doesn't manage. Tonight, as Edwin settles behind him, he feels delicate in a way he's never felt before. Edwin loops an arm around his chest and feels it move under his hand, oddly bird-like and so, so regular.

"Is this alright?" Edwin whispers, barely daring to rest the full weight of his arm over Charles.

"Mhm."

Charles' breathing continues in the same slow, one-two-three-four rhythm. He still feels so fragile, here in Edwin's arms, like a figure of spun sugar. Edwin, unsure what to make of that, makes himself ask:

"Charles, are you—"

"I'm fine," Charles cuts in even as the up and down of his ribs speeds up. Deepens.

"Charles..."

"It's fine," Charles says, strangled with the urgency of someone trying to speak before emotion overtakes them. "Just don't. Don't make me talk."

"Oh, Charles," Edwin sighs, finally bringing his arm down to pull Charles to his chest and hold him closer. "I love you."

A harsh sob erupts from Charles' throat, deep enough to shake his entire frame, fast enough that he can't prevent the sound from echoing around his bedroom. Edwin presses a kiss to the back of his neck, and Charles sobs again, right arm coming up to lay on Edwin's, his hand gripping Edwin's hand so tight it feels like it'll bruise.

Edwin kisses the back of Charles' neck again, kisses the top of his shoulder, kisses the joint where the delicate lines of Charles' new tattoo are still fresh enough for Edwin to feel them with his lips.

Charles Rowland once jumped into a pool to save a teenager he didn't know, even though he knew it could cost him his life. He laughed in the face of bullies, and he built a life for himself after his father destroyed the one he should have had at home. He faced years of prejudice beaten into him, just for the sake of not hurting Edwin more than he had to.

The least Edwin can do, now that he is finally allowed to, is tighten his arm around Charles and guard his heart as best as he can. Guard the knowledge that, when Charles finally lets himself fall apart, it is because he is undone by love.

[iwritesnortsintragedies]

Villain of the week, trying to make Charles doubt himself: I suppose you're going to tell me that partner of yours is the softest heart you've ever met?

Charles: what? No he's a vindictive little shit ! that's, like, my favorite thing about him

*Crystal and Edwin nodding in the distance*