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I wanted to come back to this post now that donor baby’s (fondly referred to as Unethically Sourced White Baby, or USWB, by the server I’m in) return has occurred, but haven’t be certain on how to formulate my response. I tried. So, in a (long) defence of USWB:

I think, as a donor conceived person, that the discourse regarding the TheoandBuck of it all so far is just missing some context? People may just not know what it’s like to be donor conceived and/or adopted, have forgotten how Hen’s family is constructed, and/or be ignorant to the vast amount of ethical issues surrounding sperm- and egg-donation. That’s fine. I’ve just been seeing a lot of accusations of bio-essentialism and found family dismissal (which the show doesn’t do), and personality retconning (the behaviour is consistent with the plot’s introduction in season 6) all to give Buck a baby, and I’m not sure I agree.

I viewed a lot of Connor and Kameron’s behaviour during the dinner, in addition to their reasoning for seeking out Buck for help in season 6, as pointing to Theo being an attempt at a designer baby. Sperm- and egg-donation exists in a precarious position that can shift into eugenics rather easily: though people with genetically hereditary diseases are often barred from donating for health reasons, more and more people are pointing out that refusing donations based on mental disorders may be related to the eugenics (and thus, creation of ‘designer babies’) driving the industry, and I’m inclined to agree. Connor and Kameron largely didn’t seem to be asking for help in handling Theo (other than the “Could we speak to your mother?” comment), and instead sought out someone to blame. It didn’t come from my side of the gene pool, you better not be a criminal, he’s absolutely your kid, we’ve visited a number of professionals and none of their suggestions have helped and he might be [said ominously] Diagnosed with Something so we must ask if you are too and withheld it from us.

It’s no secret at this point that disorders like ADHD and ASD may be hereditary. It’s also no secret that it doesn’t have to be: realistically, Theo could’ve exhibited the same behaviours and symptoms if Connor had been his biological father. There’s fine line between ‘it’s okay if you’d rather your child didn’t have this’ and ‘it’s okay to pick and choose genetics to have The Best Child’: you cannot truly remove ‘a person with autism/ADHD shouldn’t donate sperm or eggs’ from eugenics, and you especially cannot disregard the optics of Connor and Kameron specifically choosing a white man to donate when Connor isn’t white.

Prospective parents should, of course, be able to make an informed decision, but as my mum put it: Buck’s behaviour, to Buck, does not include symptoms of ADHD. It’s just his behaviour. He helped them make an informed decision with the information he himself could provide, based on the questions he was asked. To go to his house and essentially blame his DNA for Theo’s behaviour (great parts of which are not solely caused by undiagnosed ADHD, because there is such thing as permissive parenting, especially if none of the four experts they consulted could come up with even slightly helpful solutions and methods) is very plainly weird. Any parent worth their salt of a donor conceived person wouldn’t blame all their child’s ‘bad’ behaviour on genetics. They’d be removing their own hand in raising the child. That, specifically, would be bio-essentialist.

The show doesn’t have a habit of using that line of thinking. Mara and Denny are not biologically related to Hen and Karen, but there’s no doubt they’re not their kids. The fandom keeps comparing Chris’ behaviour to Buck’s, Buck’s to Bobby’s, May and Harry’s to Bobby’s, and nothing is written accidentally. The show itself even has suggested Buck’s impulsive streak comes from his parents’ emotional neglect: the flashbacks of Buck Begins are steeped in the idea that he was desperate to receive their attention, and getting hurt was the only way he could.

I could go on like this. Had Bobby’s father not been an alcoholic, Bobby likely would not have drunk the whiskey after his death to connect with him. Had Ramon Diaz not had a job that had him away from home for such long stretches of time, Eddie likely wouldn’t have been so insistent on what a father’s role is in a family, and might not have joined the army after Shannon got pregnant. You’re coloured by your environment and the way you grew up, not just by your genetics. My own behaviour is most similar to that of my legal father’s: nurture, not nature.

Of course I’m not ignorant to the show’s potential implication that Buck may be better at handling Theo because they’re related—or at least, because he understands his own mind and behaviours, and as such would understand Theo’s. But then he wasn’t shown to be better at handling Theo. He was shown to be somewhat capable handling him whilst babysitting, which is different from parenting: when he can’t give Theo all of his attention, Theo almost sets his kitchen on fire.

Disliking this storyline doesn’t mean it’s inherently an amoral depiction of something, much like enjoying a storyline doesn’t mean it’s inherently a good portrayal. It ultimately exists in a grey area in a reasonably progressive show that, from time to time, proves itself as one of the more democrat-aligned shows of American procedurals. But as someone donor conceived, I simply don’t see this storyline as particularly problematic, as Buck doesn’t even want to be Theo’s parent—he’ll (perhaps only initially) be a foster parent at most, underlined by the show (and Buck himself) differentiating between ‘Buck’ and ‘next of kin’. And if anyone could encourage Buck to foster, it would be Eddie, as Eddie’s been concerned with people falling through the cracks of the safety net the entirety of season 9. That would be the found family you’re looking for: choosing to help and to love.

So before you write this storyline off as fridging, bio-essentialist, or out of character, please remember that the show has a habit of relating a child’s behaviour to how they’ve been parented. Remember that Buck doesn’t consider himself to be Theo’s dad. And remember that in season 6, Connor and Kameron were pushy, stepped over boundaries, and chose Buck because he was Connor’s tall, handsome, heroic, (white), friend without a criminal background. Their behaviour hasn’t been retconned since; it’s just been built upon. If that means some viewers therefore see Buck of all characters as the better option, then so be it.

#911 abc #911 spoilers #evan buck buckley #theo 911 #donor baby #911 meta #?#just my two cents on the discourse

struck with the vision of the buckley-diazes at the zoo (upon christopher's suggestion, actually, because buck was trying to think of something to do with theo and christopher remembers all the times buck took him and his dad and how much fun he had, so theo would probably enjoy it too, right?) and they're not ready to leave yet, but it's after lunch and they'd already been there for an hour or two before they ate, so they're starting to slow down a little bit. particularly theo, who is still excited by everything he's seeing and is chattering away about all the animals, but he's not trying to race ahead, giving buck a mini heart attack every time he's out of sight for half a second, anymore and he's not tugging at buck's hand or the hem of his shirt to get him to hurry up because the ice cream cart is right there and theo wants some now (which of course buck gave in to, shut up eddie, i can say no, i was just... gonna get some for myself already anyways. obviously. it was my idea, not theo's. pft. maybe i should've said no to buying yours.).

but anyways, theo's calmed down a bit now that he's a little tired (and from the sugar crash that is sure to be hitting any time now) so he's sticking closer to buck's side, holding his hand, even, until he drops it so he can bounce over to eddie a few steps ahead and slip his little hand into eddie's. it catches eddie's attention of course, and he manuevers them to the side, out of the flow of walking traffic, so he can crouch down and listen to what theo wants to say to him.

and then buck watches as eddie nods and smiles and then scoops theo up and swings him onto his shoulders, earning a toothy grin and a giggle from theo, who kicks his little feet happily against eddie's chest and immediately sticks his hands into eddie's hair. and buck is trying his veryveryvery hardest not to melt into a puddle of lovesick goo right there in front of the giraffe enclosure because that's just the cutest sight he's ever seen.

and then beside him, christopher pipes up with a joking, "you think i could get a shoulder ride too?" with a sharp grin and a twinkle in his eyes that's allllllll eddie, and buck laughs and slings his arm around christopher's neck and tells him — not a little tearfully (he's just... got allergies pft) because of how christopher is like. over double the age he was when buck got to take him to the zoo the first time and maybe that's just kind of emotional okay!!! whatever!! buck's cool, he's so cool — "think you're maybe getting a little too big for that, bud." and chris just laughs and leans into buck's side as they start to follow eddie and theo, who are now a little bit ahead of them, because the second theo was seated he started directing eddie towards the tigers for the third time (he's really into tigers now).

and something something it just hits buck, right here right now, as he's walking through the zoo with an arm around one kid and his eyes on the other, smiling and giggling as he is positively indulged by buck's best friend in the world, the man that buck couldn't possibly do this without, the man that buck— oh, that buck loves.

it hits him then and there, and maybe at one point that would've scared him, a realization like that. but now? now, it just feels obvious. natural. right. because this is... well it's kind of perfect. it's exactly where he's supposed to be. it's exactly what he wants, for the rest of forever, if he's lucky.

theo. christopher. eddie.

#buddie #911 #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #theo 911 #buckley diaz family