I'm sorry this site has treated you so badly, you've put up with it for far longer than anyone should ever have to put up with harassment and negativity. And while it's sad that you'll be distancing yourself from the site because of it, I hope it helps you feel better in the long run. Whatever lengths you decide to remove yourself from tumblr communications, I wish you the best and I'm so happy to know you still want to share your art projects on here for those of us who love what you do.
It’s okay. I mean to be honest, reflecting on it all, this website is just very toxic to mental growth and critical thinking -- it facilitates an echochamber and a hive mentality in a way I’ve yet to see anywhere else. And we’re all part of that, too, we all contribute to it so don’t think I’m letting myself off the hook here -- I’ve played my part in perpetuating that as well. I have seen great kindness on this website; I’ve also seen great cruelty. I myself have been both kind and cruel; I look at myself and I do not like what I’ve become.
I am mentally unwell and I’m realizing that this site is not doing me any favors; I’ve become more angry and more anxious and more paranoid and more afraid of the world and more and more depressed. And that’s not why I joined! I joined tumblr to make art. Not to argue. Not to get swept up in causes that ultimately mean nothing. Not to pick fights. Not to dredge up old arguments because goddamn it I’m right and I need that acknowledged. Not to constantly feel like I must DEFEND MYSELF!!!! Not to wallow in my misery. Not to hurt nor even help anyone; only to make art. And I want to return to that because art was how I healed in the past and I’m not healing, I’m not. I’m not creating, I’m not healing, I’m not moving forward; I’m merely stagnating. And that’s unhealthy.
I no longer want to engage in such toxicity, which is why I’ve been cleaning up this blog and my personal blog. Going through things, looking back, it is kinda painful, seeing both how I was treated and how petty I could get in the ways I treated others. While I stand firm in my beliefs, I recognize that I’ve fucked up. I have a lotta pain and anger in my life but it’s not fair that in defending myself I reacted in pain and anger to others, especially as I’m not a proponent of the “hate our oppressors” school of thought, and for that I’m truly sorry.
I want to get better. I want to do better and be better. And part of that means stepping away from this website, at least in terms of how much time I’ve wasted here, often pointlessly.
