#abuse justifications

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusers will hurt you first, and then go on and invent why deserve to get hurt and why it's okay that they did that. It's not the other way around. They don't hurt you because you deserved it. They do it because they like hurting, and it's only after they did it, they realize that without justification, they look like a monster.

[mostlyjustwhump]

Super Bowl ad

My attempt at a short addition to the boxboy universe! Karen Renford belongs to @ashintheairlikesnow. Also, Sparrow is meant to be autistic, so let me know if I described anything badly there!

Tw for: abuse justifications, manipulation, modern slavery

(Image: The Whumpees-R-Us logo in the middle of a plain white screen.)

Speaker: Why is our logo orange?

(Image: An animation of an orange phoenix rising from flames.)

Speaker: The phoenix, which rises from ashes to greatness.

(Image: A dirty looking young man in rags sits in a fetal position on the side of the street, looking sad.)

Speaker: Just like we help people rise from poverty

(Image: A close up of the man’s face.)

Speaker: And squalor

(Image: Same young man, now clean and dressed nicely, happily cooks in a beautiful kitchen.)

Speaker: To a role where they can assist others

(Image: The young man sitting on a couch in a well-decorated room and watching tv, snuggled up against a somewhat older, protective man)

Speaker: While living in comfort.

(Image: Whumpees-R-Us headquarters) Speaker: Here at Whumpees-R-Us, we are proud to be

(Image: The founders of Whumpees-R-Us sitting at a table, talking seriously to each other)

Speaker: The innovators (Image: Director Renford directing a meeting)

Speaker: The designers

(Image: Three handlers on a lunch break, talking and laughing)

Speaker: And the builders

(Image: The Whumpees-R-Us logo in the middle of a plain white screen.)

Speaker: Of the phoenix.

(Image: Orange bold text on a plain white screen. Reads: Whumpees-R-Us: We box ‘em, you buy ‘em.)

Speaker: We box ‘em, you buy ‘em.

Ivy finished reading aloud and put her papers down on the coffee table. She looked at Sparrow, hazel eyes sparkling. “What do you think, my bird?”

Sparrow hesitated, rubbing his fingers together nervously. He thought the ad oversimplified a lot of things, but he supposed there was only so much his master could do with thirty seconds to a minute of airtime. And he was lucky to have this opportunity, after all. There couldn’t be many owners who would want someone like him. A question might be the safest reply. “Do you think Miss Renford will be available for filming? She is usually quite busy.”

Ivy smiled slightly. “I’m sure she’ll make time. This is a Super Bowl ad. And she is the Director of Client Success, after all. But did you think it was convincing? Creative?”

Sparrow nodded. “Oh, yes… I never could have thought of the phoenix comparison.”

Ivy’s grin widened. “I know, that was the best idea I’ve had for a while! I thought of it during our fantasy movie marathon last weekend.”

His mouth inched towards a smile at her enthusiasm. “Oh, really?”

“Yep! It reminds me of you. I know how much you like birds.”

Sparrow’s smile widened. He had developed quite the interest in them since she named him after one. They reminded him of himself, fragile, small creatures. The only difference was that they could fly away whenever they liked.

Each morning, he looked outside his window and watched the birds. When he had nothing better to do, he thought about all the kinds of birds he had seen so far. Whenever he was upset or frightened, he looked outside the nearest window, searching for birds.

He was sure that if he didn’t have a master to control him, he’d have filled the house with more birds than he could afford or care for. It was likely he had those kinds of habits before he signed himself over. Otherwise, why else wouldn’t he have been able to care for himself?

“Thanks… I’m glad you noticed.”

“Of course! And of course, you’ll act in this for me, right? As the young man?”

Sparrow’s smile faded. His mind raced with confusion. Why was she asking for his opinion? Wasn’t he not allowed to say no anyway? “Don’t I have to?”

Ivy’s face grew suddenly serious. She leaned forward. “Just say yes.”

Sparrow squeezed his arms. Why did he have to screw that up? Would she punish him for it? He hoped he was responding right this time. “Oh… okay. Yes.”

She beamed again. “Good!” Ivy put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. The pressure felt bruising to him, even though her touch was light. He tensed, barely keeping himself from wincing and pulling away.

“Will… I have to be on set at the same time as Director Renford?” He rubbed his fingers together more, desperately hoping for her to say no.

Ivy shrugged. “Possibly. Possibly not. Why does it matter?”

“Oh… it’s just… my training of what to do around her is deeply ingrained. It may be hard to act if she’s there.” He rambles, hoping his explanation makes sense. It’s technically true— when she’s there, he has no power to resist the urge to go still and look at the floor until specifically instructed otherwise. He imagined it would be quite the challenge to do anything happily with her there, even cook. And he loved cooking, just about as much as he loved birds.

“Good to know. Then, she won’t be there when we’re filming your section. I make no guarantees for if I’ll take you with me when we’re filming her section. And this is all assuming she approves this draft.”

He looked down and sighed quietly. He didn’t want to see her again at all. But at least there was no risk for him to be punished for poor acting. “Thank you, miss. I am extremely grateful.”

“No problem. Would you be a darling and start dinner?”

He stood up, the worries already starting to fade from his mind. Cooking was the perfect distraction. His fears barely existed when he was preparing a meal. “Of course. What would you like?”

“The completion of the Super Bowl ad draft deserves celebration, doesn’t it, bird?”

Sparrow nodded.

Ivy grinned. “A steak with garlic butter. And mashed potatoes with gravy. And cheesy garlic asparagus.” Sparrow started to leave for the kitchen. Ivy continued. “Oh! And you can make those amazing chocolate-filled beignets! I’ll bring the extras into work to celebrate!”

“Sure thing, miss.” He said as he mentally calculated the needed ingredients.

“Aw! Aren’t I the luckiest to have a boy as good at cooking as you?” She ruffled his hair. He resisted flinching away and forced a smile.

“As lucky as I am to be here, miss.”

He wasn’t sure if he was lucky. But he had to be. There was no other choice.

[furiousgoldfish]

Actually all abuser's justifications for abusive don't hold up. If a child is being loud, annoying, selfish, rude or disruptive, how is abuse going to help? How is violence, yelling, unfair and disproportionate punishments going to rectify this or resolve the issue? Obviously the solution is to be adults about it and understand that this is a child, they are by nature disruptive, loud, selfihs, annoying and rude, that is literally any child because nature makes them like that! The abusers have been the same as children, they have no right to expect a child to be obedient little servant there to satisfy everyone's needs and never be annoying once, what the actual hell? No natural child is like that!

They'll also act like the child hurt them first, hit them first, provoked them, asked for it, so they 'deserved it', um what the damn hell are you talking about? Are you an adult or a helpless pile of mushed crap who gets provoked by a kid being a kid? Do you not know how to deal with an aggressive kid without bringing on trauma and violence? If you have actual beef with a freaking child as an adult, you are 100% in the wrong, every single time, what do you mean you didn't learn to control your violent impulses after the age of 15. Even children are more capable of handling a situation than you are, you stupid justifier of abuse, your arguments rely on everyone believing that you are a fucking incapable idiot. Telling how you never react the same from provocations from your friends or your boss, somehow in those situations you can keep you calm? Act maturely? Not scream or beat the shit out of those provocateurs? It's almost like you have perfect control but want to abuse children anyway.

Then there's also 'I had a hard childhood too', and you went out of your way to create more hard childhoods for other people? Oh not just other people, for children, your children, who are your own flesh and blood, who you took responsibility to protect and care for, to give them a good life and safe future? These are the people you decided should have a hard childhood because you had one? If a guy gets hit by a bus, can he now legally hit you with a bus and it's ok bc it happened to him first? Can every person in the world who had it tough now take it on you, and it's ok because they are the victims and you should just have understanding that it's okay they're now doing it to you? No you don't like that? Then shut your filthy mouth about your childhood, if you're bringing it up to justify your abuse instead of trying to dismantle it to make SURE you never do it to anyone else, I don't wanna fucking hear about it. Do not bring up your own abuse as a defense for when you abused someone else! It's not relevant! Bring it up in therapy! When you're not actively victimizing someone and asking for compassion and support from a person you took these same things away from!

Abuse helps nobody. It accomplishes nothing good for anyone. Desire to abuse is never justified. You can do every single thing in your life without abusing anyone. Do not fucking act otherwise. Nothing that ever happened to you gave you the right to hurt someone who couldn't fight back.

[furiousgoldfish]

me: you should not have hurt me like that!

abuser: I have my excuses tho!!!!

everyone else: they're right, these excuses are sound and valid, go home everyone abuse is justified

[furiousgoldfish]

narcissists aren’t gonna change and “recovering narcissists” you see online are a direct proof of this. you’ve never seen an actual recovering narcissist so nobody can tell how that would look like, but they definitely aren’t the self justifying folk screaming “ableism” at anyone who dares to imply that narcissists ever do anything abusive or that they’re to be held accountable for their actions.

i know ideally you’d like the narcissist to stop doing horrible things, to apologize and admit they were wrong and to treat you normally and nicely from now on, but this is completely impossible. If a narcissists were to actually truly start to recover, they would be hit by a wave of guilt so intense they wouldn’t be able to socialize or look anyone in the eye anymore. if all of the guilt for atrocities they have commited caught up with them, they would most likely die, or live a mortifying self destructive life until they die. They most often shift all the guilt and shame on their victims, so their victims know what kind of torture it is to feel constantly guilty, constantly ashamed, constantly terrified of comitting another atrocity, they can tell you that death is far preferable than life in such amount of guilt and shame. Narcissists would do anything to avoid this guilt catching up, this guilt is their biggest fear, something that has a chance to end them once and for all. Feeling remorse would be the end of them, they wouldn’t be able to bear it.

I can imagine as soon as a narcissist reads this they would argue that we should all feel sorry for them, to always have to be running away from such guilt, but please remember that they alone are what caused that guilt in the first place, they commited the atrocities that led to the burden on their soul they can no longer carry, and they have zero problems having their victims carrying it, even if it ends up in their victims death. This makes them parasites.

There’s absolutely nothing for narcissists to gain by recovering, there is only fear, pain, guilt, shame and torture, and compared to that, staying a self-justifying, delusional, manipulative, and extremely selfish and indifferent monster who demands pleasure and forgiveness and believes to deserve all the best things in life, there is no gamble, they wouldn’t give away their delusions in return for painful and shameful truth, never.

However there is a lot to gain by convincing everyone they’re actively trying to recover, people putting hope in them, supporting them, not being harsh on them, letting them get away with abuse, not holding them accountable, trusting them blindly and repeatedly assuming they still “mean the best” and are “trying hard”, that gives them free hands to keep abusing, keep enjoying their delusions, all while just sometimes pretending a little guilt, or outwardly attacking anyone who’d hold them accountable.

This is why I’m never worried about offending an ex-narcissist or a recovering narcissist, a person like that could never ever read one line of this blog and argue against it, they couldn’t even face it without being overwhelmed with guilt and shame, they would know they have zero rights to speak or voice their opinion in the face of abuse victims, they know they caused this, they know people are still suffering from their folk, they know they’re at blame, and they would at least want with all of their heart, for their victims to have a free outlet to speak and voice their pain, and get a chance to recover. They would want us to be safe from them.