#personality disorders

[unwelcome-ozian]

[bookspuzzlespawns]

Just to clear some things up.

If you claim to support mentally ill people and then turn around and act like all people with ASPD/NPD are evil abusers you're ableist.

If you claim to support mentally ill people and then turn around and act like all people with BPD are extreme empaths who can do no wrong you're ableist.

If you claim to support mentally ill people and then turn around and blatantly ignore those with HPD because you can't romanticize their symptoms you're ableist.

If you claim to support mentally ill people and then turn around and un-ironically use the term "Narcissistic abuse" you're ableist.

If you claim to support mentally ill people and then turn around and call people you don't like "sociopaths" you're ableist.

If you claim to support mentally ill people and then turn around and ignore cluster a/cluster c personality disorders you're ableist.

If you claim to support mentally ill people and then turn around and dehumanize people who lack empathy you're ableist.

Stop ableism against people with personality disorders.

[raggamuphin]

Me:

How do cluster b traited people leave victims (of their emotional illiteracy) avoidant to step out of comfort zones, like eventually their threshold for discomfort gets eviscerated, and actions like googling a name leave them feeling like the risk is too great (if energy levels are at stake)?

ChatGPT:

What you’re describing is a pattern that can happen after prolonged exposure to emotionally unpredictable, invalidating, or manipulative relationships—but it’s not unique to people with Cluster B traits, and it doesn’t require diagnosing the other person. Many kinds of chronic interpersonal stress can produce a similar effect.

One way to think about it is that your nervous system gradually changes its “cost calculator.”

Initially, discomfort might have looked like this:

* “Sending this email feels awkward, but I’ll probably be okay.”

* “Looking someone up online makes me a little nervous.”

After repeated experiences in which ordinary actions were followed by criticism, humiliation, emotional whiplash, or conflict, the brain can begin predicting much larger consequences:

* “If I Google their name, I’ll spiral for hours.”

* “If I speak up, I’ll lose all my energy.”

* “If I become curious, something bad will happen.”

The discomfort itself hasn’t necessarily become objectively larger. Rather, your brain has learned to associate uncertainty with a high metabolic and emotional cost.

Several psychological processes can contribute:

* Threat generalization. The brain begins applying lessons from genuinely painful experiences to many unrelated situations. Curiosity, novelty, and social risk all start feeling dangerous.

* Reduced distress tolerance. If past situations repeatedly overwhelmed your coping resources, your nervous system may start sounding the alarm earlier and earlier. The threshold for “this is too much” becomes lower.

* Hypervigilance. You begin scanning for subtle cues of danger, criticism, or rejection. That constant monitoring is mentally exhausting.

* Learned avoidance. Avoidance brings immediate relief, so the brain learns that avoiding uncertainty is protective. Unfortunately, this also prevents the brain from discovering that many situations are actually safe.

Your example of Googling someone’s name is a good illustration. For many people, that’s a neutral action. But if previous relationships turned small actions into days of rumination, shame, or emotional upheaval, your nervous system may honestly estimate:

“This search could cost me my peace for the rest of the day.”

That estimate can feel completely real even if the actual risk is much lower.

You also mentioned “if energy levels are at stake.” That’s an insightful observation. Many people who have experienced chronic relational stress stop asking, “Can I do this?” and instead ask:

“Can I afford the aftermath?”

That’s a shift from evaluating the activity itself to evaluating the anticipated recovery time. If previous interpersonal experiences repeatedly left you emotionally depleted, your brain may become very protective of your energy.

The encouraging part is that this pattern is often reversible, although it usually happens gradually rather than through one big leap. One helpful principle is to rebuild your tolerance through small, predictable experiences of manageable discomfort rather than forcing yourself into overwhelming situations. For example:

* Notice the prediction (“If I Google this name, I’ll lose my whole evening.”)

* Try the smallest version of the action if it feels safe enough.

* Observe what actually happens rather than what your brain predicted.

* Let your nervous system collect evidence that not every uncertain action ends in depletion.

Over time, this helps recalibrate the brain’s estimate of danger.

One distinction that’s worth making is between healthy caution and trauma-shaped avoidance. Healthy caution says:

“This particular person has been harmful before, so I’ll keep my distance.”

Trauma-shaped avoidance says:

“Almost any uncertain action could drain me or lead to catastrophe.”

The first is a targeted boundary. The second is an understandable adaptation that has become overly broad.

If you’ve experienced prolonged emotional invalidation or manipulation, it makes sense that your nervous system would become conservative with its energy. Recovery isn’t about convincing yourself that nothing is risky; it’s about helping your brain learn, through repeated safe experiences, that your current world is often more predictable than the one it adapted to.

[illuviazoi]

Something that often happens in my day to day life is that I'm described as "mean", "unapproachable", "emotionless", "intimidating", "rude", etc. which I am sure others like me can relate to. I have had multiple people straight up too afraid to talk to me and having to communicate with me through my brother instead of talking to me directly. I don't have any real opinion on the descriptors themselves, it doesn't shock me that I'm perceived that way no matter how hard I try to mask. However, I have to admit I am always satisfied to hear them because I like the fact those impressions deter people from talking to me...at the same time I enjoy talking to new people...I just don't like it when they start pushing for friendship after the first couple conversations. So, I must be very confusing to others.

[solisquare]

If you're unconsciously reenacting neglect or abuse you've faced by harming yourself even subtly after learning not to consciously "need" normal things, please do even one small act of rebellion against it. Escape being a slave to your internal models of anyone or anything. It's so fucking tiring chugging along like this on empty, I sincerely wish for no one to go through this.

[theswansongdiaries]

[solisquare]

I don't like how the false self always seems to creep into things that were originally genuine without my noticing, and I don't feel able to stop it.

I realize I've been supressing something > I start connecting with it then expressing it > the expression becomes more formulaic and hollow each time I engage it

It always seems to end with looking back once it's too late and realizing I've instinctively and unconsciously stripped everything of spontaneity and aliveness, like it's a line in a play, a performance so bland no one can pin it down, it becomes as much of a constricting mask/shield as everything else. I start expressing what I don't feel in the moment, I feel disconnected with it while trying to identify as it and somehow deluding myself that the performance is authentic because I once did feel it that way, the entire goal was to integrate it into my personality, and it then becomes a gross caricature of what originally inspired it.

I'll probably figure something out eventually, I just hate that unless I'm always vigilant which I don't have the energy for, this disorder just parasites off me again.

I think I may have to rest with the uncertainty of my lacking sense of self, and just allow my expression to morph instead of constantly inwardly policing it, need to push to express what I always assume is unacceptable (ie signs of being human or affected), instead of trying to pin myself down into some identity box of "the person who acts like (this) or [that]", especially to control what others will then do or not do to me, none of it could never embody what I am.

I'm just happening, I don't need to fit anything or even try to control what others perceive me as being anymore, it's irrelevant and painful to do, if people like or dislike or misinterpret, then that's them happening. Not my business or circus.