#ace chatter

[luckywolfsbane]

A hummingbird got into the pro/lumber entry doors and was stuck flying around the front apron while I chased it (gently) with a push broom. In an attempt to escape, it flew into a several years old spider's web. I collected it and set it free once it was web-free. I told my coworker who also likes TMA and the conversation can essentially be summed up with: "Silly hummingbird, don't you know not to play with The Web?" & "No, little hummingbird! Don't knock on Mr. Spider's door!!"

[badgertablet]

Hi, if you're ok with telling people, how did you know you were ace? I've been thinking about my sexuality a lot lately and I think I might be too? Thanks, if you do.

hm,,, it’s been a couple years since i knew i was ace but ill try my best!

there was really no “eureka!” moment of ‘holy hell im asexual’ but more of a gradual period time where i recognized that there was something different about me than my friends and family. i started realizing that i was different late in middle school, and middle school as yall know is super sexualized. theres dirty jokes around every corner and whispers in the hall about who’s had sex and who’s the hottest, and that was really where i started to know i was asexual. mind you, i didn’t have a word for it, but i knew that i didn’t find things sexy that other people did. 

i remember one time a couple of my peers were talking about who was the most attractive and ranking people in terms of how willing they would be to do the hanky panky with them, and i was just kind of confused. how could you just look at someone and decide that you would do the horizontal tango??? boobs and butts were just sacks of flesh that hung weirdly, and people found that... arousing??? not gonna lie, after this experience i spent a lot of time just looking at people’s boobs and butts and trying to see if i could feel that “want” that my friends described, but i just couldn’t. 

so. i knew that there was something weird with me. i didnt find people attractive in a sexual way; you could show me the world’s sexiest person alive and i would just look at them and be like ‘,,,,they’re very pretty?’ i did some research, aka i typed into google ‘am i gay’ quizzes and took em. eventually i found one that said ‘hey u might be asexual!’ so then i did more research and found out that the definition of asexual was ‘lacking sexual attraction.’ i’d heard the word before at my school’s qsa, but i had never really grasped the concept; i thought it meant that you didn’t feel any sexual feelings like arousal or anything. so i dived deeper into the internet and found this faq that cleared things up for me. asexual means you don’t have the desire or attraction to have sex with anyone. like a straight woman will find other women to be beautiful, but she doesn’t have the desire to do the diddly doo with them. that lack of sexual attraction was just how i felt all the time. 

asexuals can still get turned on though. i know this is a hard concept, but just because you’re asexual doesn;t mean that you don’t have a sexual libido or kinks and fetishes or turn ons. (a libido isan urge for sexual contact/release. It's possible to have a libido, but not have it directed toward anyone). 

like story short; i knew i was ace when i realized i didn’t feel sexual attraction to things people find find typically sexy (boobs, butts, tongues idk guys)

[luckywolfsbane]

Bad sensory day. Don't want t-shirt. Want button shirt less. Tank/muscle shirt fine, but can't wear that to work. I must wear t-shirt. I suffer.

[luckywolfsbane]

My brother put peppermint oil on my skin bc he doesn't believe I'm actually allergic. Let's go on this ride together.

So dermatological reactions can take hours, even days, to occur post exposure. Read that again.

Okay great! We're on the same page.

According to my brother, since my skin didn't immediately turn red or blister or swell up, I'm fine! I washed it off, but it was oil. On my skin. It was soaked in by the time I had a chance to wash. Which only take a couple minutes anyway, if you're confused.

So... it's been ≈ 30 minutes. I'll update this post with any changes.

Right now, I'm nauseous and a little itchy at the site. It feels wrong, like a cold burn right now. And it hurts, just enough to know it hurts.

[luckywolfsbane]

So the person who destroyed my confidence as a writer is getting their first poem published. They're going to be published. And they destroyed me and stopped me from getting to that very benchmark. I'm bitter. I don’t want to be bitter. I want to let it go and just be happy for them, but it hurts. This wound is 4 years old and it's still bleeding and they just dumped lemon juice on it. Like fucking hell, good for you, glad you can squeeze lemons so well, but also OUCH.

[luckywolfsbane]

If he no call/no shows again, I may get his job. Boy howdy, I'm not sure I'm prepared for that. But like... a couple more dollars an hour would change my life.

[luckywolfsbane]

Me, taking 6 'profen and chugging some doccy peppy to skate around the fact I can barely walk so I can stay at work and earn money to pay my bills: I am gonna make it through this day if it kills me.

[luckywolfsbane]

I am shaking the maintenance guy who "walked" across the OSB "subfloor" and said it was safe to use. I work with these materials. I call bullshit. I've seen that floor and walked across it. I. Call. Bullshit. I'm soooo mad about this. Why are they being dumb? Why can't they just listen to us? I am biting them. Biting them so much.