Okay listen. Listen. I was never planning on doing this, on putting my sexuality on a pedestal and going ‘hey, look at this!’ and pointing to it like some proud parent, and you know why? I’m not proud, most of the time. I keep the fact of my asexuality locked away quietly and go about life whilst being forcefully reminded every day of the nature of society and how it’s driven by sex.
If you’re reading that and thinking, ‘well, why hide it?’ then kudos, you’re probably a decent human being who doesn’t place immediate prejudice on another person for being wired differently to you. Or, alternatively, you just don’t know what ‘asexual’ really means in a human context (not a plant context - trust me, that one got old the very first time), so here it is, as plain as I can make it:
Asexuality defines a lack of sexual attraction.
I just.. don’t feel it. At all. Like, ever. It’s as foreign to me as the idea of not feeling sexual attraction likely is to sexuals (also known as ‘allos’ in the ace community sometimes).
Now, if you’re still asking yourself, ‘why hide it’, then well done, you’ve passed the test. I’m so proud. Have a baked good of your choice. Here’s the primary answer:
People are jerks.
The responses I’ve had when I have put my trust in people and told them I’m asexual have ranged from pure and utter confusion, outright denial, name-calling (’freak’, ‘broken’), asking if I’ve ever been abused (the answer to which is a defiant no), making the plant jokes, and more. People just do not want to accept it, and hey, I kind of get it. I’ve met people who don’t like chocolate before, but the difference there is I accept their decision and enjoy more chocolate for myself, because their dislike of chocolate doesn’t directly affect me.
I guess the second question might be ‘why now?’ Simple answer: I’m tired. I’d rather be able to just.. be myself, without having to worry about stigma. That’d be nice.
Anyway I have a lot of thoughts which I’m sure I’ll end up using this blog for. I’m also leaving the inbox open if you want to have some ace ranting or ace musing at someone who gets it.
Also, hi.
