Ramblings about clinical lycanthropy/people’s negative views on it
Basically I just wanted to ramble about how my family and generally people around me aren’t accepting at all of the fact that I have lycanthropy.
It just happens to me and is a part of me, I consider it a big part of my identity and who I am because that’s just what I am. I’m not a human like my family or random people around me are. I’m just a wolf in a human’s form who acts like a human and lives like one because that’s what I have to do in order to survive in a human society, as much as I wish I could just, run away in the woods and truly be myself as I am, my wolf form.
My family though, even from a young age when I figured out I was a werewolf, they just thought I was playing imaginary things or trying to get attention etc. and would force me to “forget and get rid of” it all. Even as I became a older teenager they thought “oh you’re just acting like a animal for some reason maybe you’re playing pretend even though at your age you shouldn’t be playing pretend, etc”. And then they found some of the things I wrote in my diary about me being a lycanthrope because they would without my permission search through my things especially while I was out of the house (they continued to do this until I became an adult). They then would tell me “you’re not a wolf/werewolves aren’t real/you can’t become a animal/you’re not a child anymore so why are you trying to act like a animal and all this stuff” further making me try and hide it all from them. And when my doctor found out about the things I was doing they told me “clinical lycanthropy is very rare and if you actually had it (insert stereotypes here about it)”
which those things caused me to further hide the fact I was having psychotic episodes, had psychosis and it just became a thing where I would hide that I was having an episode to everyone possible even my doctors and that kept me from getting help for years and because of all that I ended up being in a lot of pain and fear and depression constantly. I still hide my psychosis symptoms from everyone because yeah. I don’t need anyone knowing and my family and my doctor don’t take me seriously.
I’ve hid myself for way too long and now that I’m an adult and have been for a few years I plan to change that and fully be myself because I get tired of living as a human.
But it was super upsetting to hear how stigmatizing even my doctor was about it, when all these years I’ve been struggling with it silently and hiding it from everyone always. Even now that I learned it was lycanthropy I still hide it and am in denial of it all because of how many years I’ve been told over and over that whatever is going on with me isn’t real and I am supposed to be “normal”/being forced into acting and dressing and living like a human from humans who don’t understand me.
I wish clinical lycanthropy wasn’t seen as something so “extremely rare” and something that you’re “supposed to get rid of”. For the most part it’s never affected me negatively. Yeah it causes me stress during certain times but I just suppress it a lot by default anyways because that’s what I was taught to do from my family and doctors actions against it. I’m sad that I can’t be myself and fully feel like I am me.
