Hi, I'm really struggling with my identity, I've ID'd as ace for the past couple of years, but recently got into a relationship with someone who is very respectful of boundaries. When I'm with them, we kiss and touch etc which leads to me getting turned on, and I don't need sexual touch or anything, but it's nice. I recently lost my virginity to them because I love them and it feels nice, but I can't tell if I'm experiencing sexual attraction or not! Please help ☹️
Hi there, understanding the different kinds of attraction when you experience them can be difficult. Some kinds of attraction like romantic, sensual and sexual attraction are often confusing as they can often be intertwined. As is libido which is the desire for sex, which in of itself is not always part of sexual attraction.
In reality plenty of aces experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances, this is very common with grey aces and demisexuals like myself (which is like a subset of grey ace if you will...). I would suggest you look into these sexualities, though that being said you are the only person who can really know how you feel and can judge what kinds of attraction you feel or not.
Also, I would stress that while it may be important to you that you understand yourself better, what truly matters in this situation is that you are comfortable with yourself and your partner and it sounds like that is the case. Don’t worry, these things often take time to understand fully (I still don’t understand everything about my sexual/ romantic orientation), but it sounds like you’re in a good place right now and I’m happy for you.
-Mod Rumple
