#adhd phd

[no-good-wyfe]

just found out chaotic academia is formally an aesthetic, my moment has come. get in, loser, we’re forgetting meetings, running up flights of stairs and then wheezing loudly in seminars, spilling coffee on laptops, keeping library books out for two years, and blurting stuff out constantly without making any sense whatsoever

[academicdaydreaming]

—————————

Growing up I was never the problem child - in fact, I probably strived for perfection more than a child should. I always knew my brain worked differently, though. I was the daydreamer. Always staring out the window. Never knowing which exciting thought to focus on. Constantly being coaxed back into reality.

Undergrad was hard. The lack of structure threw me into a tailspin. The only time I could find solace was when I had million things on my plate and my anxiety could kick me into hyperdrive. 

Life felt like a manic pixie nightmare. Sometimes wonderous, sometimes disastrous. Always messy.

Now, here I am - 26 years old, a PhD student, and newly diagnosed as having ADHD. I feel validated. I feel excited. I finally feel like I understand why my brain works the way that it does. 

This is just the start of a very new chapter for me and I don’t think I could be more excited.

[ID: More like manic pixie nightmare // Women with ADHD have an unfortunate tendency to let their problems (and their dishes) pile up in secret, telling no one about the chaos and anxiety that’s slowly taking over their lives]

[academicdaydreaming]

3•31•21

I have a dissertation adviser!!

For context, my PhD program gives us our first year to solidify an adviser. Everyone else in my cohort had already made headway on putting together a committee and there I was, severe rejection-avoidance, too scared to email the person I would like to work with.

Well, yesterday I finally sent the damn email. After an hour long Zoom conversation, I finally have an adviser that I am looking forward to working with. Now to just set up qualifying exams!

[academicdaydreaming]

So now that I’m officially on anxiety and ADHD meds, I’m left with one burning question:

ARE THERE REALLY PEOPLE THAT NATURALLY FEEL LIKE THIS?!

Is this what life is supposed to feel like?! I literally feel like I’ve been reborn.

[academicdaydreaming]

Have you ever read an article that has set off unstoppable fireworks in your mind?

I’ve been searching for the right words/theory that would tie my research together - a process that has been incredibly frustrating. Then this morning I read an article for an Issues in Rhetorical Theory seminar, only to find the theory I’ve been searching for. I feel as though all the puzzle pieces are coming together.

Even if nothing else gets done today, I think this discovery means I can still count this as a good, productive day.

[academicdaydreaming]

3•17•2021

Stimulus check ✅ COVID Vaccine ✅ Fall class registration ✅

Now if only I could finish this paper’s literature review. I am really dragging my feet on it and I can’t tell if it’s because (1) I’m just not really that invested in the topic or (2) I’m hitting a major burn out wall. Not having a spring break has really just crushed my motivation. Who knew a 7 day “break” was so important?

[raraeavesmoriendi]

I saw that post ages back about having a private discord server for organization. I use mine as a modern commonplace book and I have to say, it’s one of the best decisions my adhd ass has ever made.

see a handy link? put it in the right channel! not lost forever to my tumblr likes, not left up as a tab on my browser to gather dust.

you can even find some fun surprises in there when you’re like me and sometimes forget you send yourself things like a squirrel forgets where they buried their nuts for the winter!!

look at that. a shit ton of channels with helpful dates and everything to remember when the fuck my forgetful ass put it there.

“rae why do you have three different reminder channels” look I didn’t say the system was perfect I just said it worked

reminders - general stuff I want to come back to soon-ish

date-based reminders - stuff that has an actual hard deadline for my google docs calendar that I also have to manage religiously if I want to function as a person

adhd reminders - depending on how functional I am that day, I can write down everything I want to get done or just one thing I want to remember to look for/do that I keep forgetting every three seconds

I don’t use the voice channel, obviously, but I might just not be being creative enough - suggestions appreciated!