-apologies in advance for fellow ADHDers/ADDers, this is a long ass post-
i’ve had this horrible panicking feeling all day.
i mean, i had a monster, but i had the feeling before i consumed my bittersweet poison. some people choose drugs, i choose monster. but i also might choose drugs.
life is a highway, and i wanna ride it.
and when you really think about it, that sounds really dirty.
i also stayed up all night in an attempt to fix my god awful sleep schedule, but deep down i just know imma fall asleep at like 8am when i should be getting up.
good thing i have another monster for situations like that.
-TW: skip over this bit if you’re sensitive to self harm mentions and/or suicide mentions. [and OD mentions]-
my brain really woke up and chose violence today. it decided “oh, how funny would it be if you stared at an open medicine cabinet at 3am for half an hour, deciding which pills to OD on?” like haha thank you brain, i love you so much.
-it’s safe again now, for the time being-
don’t even get me started on the schoolwork.
i was asleep in all of my lessons today and i haven’t handed in any of the work i was meant to hand in because the very idea of doing it just seems so fucking hard, yanno what i mean?
like i know it’s not that big of a deal, i just can’t make myself do it.
and my dad doesn’t understand that, so when he asks if i handed my work in, i feel like i have to lie so i don’t get in trouble or so that he doesn’t pester me about it. and that’s not me being mean, i just can’t deal with him constantly asking.
also can we talk about ADHD in relationships for a sec?
no one tells you how fucking hard it is.
especially because i am very easily manipulated, either because i’m overly gullible or because i like to see the best in people so much so that i let myself go through immense pain before i accept the truth.
took me two and a half years to figure it out last time.
but because of my past experiences, my brain has every reason to go into overdrive thinking about every single possibility of what could really be happening.
“does he even really love me?”
“what if he’s messaging other girls instead of talking to me?”
but also the fact that i get immense rsd from the tiniest of things. he doesn’t wanna facetime tonight? he suddenly hates me, and the world is shit.
at least that’s the way it feels for me.
also, my episodes tend to consist of -manic giggling- and doing the weirdest fucking things.
like drinking 2L of apple and blackcurrant squash while sitting down in the shower, wearing an oversized t-shirt that has hair dye on it.
or making a remix/mashup of a song that is a crime against humanity.
it sounds so fucking good though, ngl
goddamn this post is hella long, i haven’t written this much since i wrote that shrek x gordon ramsey smut
also nothing makes me have a heart attack more than playing fnaf 4. that shit is the only one that makes me scared out of all the games, like god fucking dammit dave i was just chilling in my room and you decide to fucking stuff me in a suit like leave me alone you whack ass possessed hallucination bitchass
[also don’t be fooled, i actually love fnaf, and the lore. i just like to joke around]
oh, and i would just like to add.. switching from hyposexuality to hypersexuality periodically is a bitch
