#admin clare

[houses-of-healing]

Hello, this is for Aragorn, or whoever is available right now. My grandmother (from my mother's side) died few weeks ago. It was rather unexpected, she had two serious illnesses in a row that she recovered from and then her heart gave out during just a regular check up surgery. At first there wasn't even meant to be a funeral, but then my uncle wanted one, so it was set for August. However, all the preparations were done sooner, so they moved it to what is today. The whole of July I'm (Ath 1)

n different country for education, so I’d have to fly there for a day or two. Now, I could have done that. It would have been very inconvenient, tiring and cost a lot of money (which fortunateky my family can afford), but I could have. I decided not to. I’ve never been to a funeral, but I heard they’re awful. I don’t need the closure, because I had to get that pretty early on to help my mother and sister with their grief. (Ath 2)

I think my grandmother would be fine with it too, she always wanted me to enjoy my life. My mother is okay with it, she actually didn’t expect me to come. But I still feel guilty, that I should have been there and that it makes me a terrible person that I wasn’t. We’re very close as a family, and I wonder if I was being selfish. I’m sorry for such long rant, but I really want to tell someone. (Ath 3/3)

___

To our dear friend Ath,

It has been many months since we’ve received your letter, and I’m sorry that we’ve not been able to console you the day of. Whether you went to your grandmother’s funeral or not...that matters very little.

There is no correct way to grieve a loved one and that includes going to a funeral or not. People have different reactions and thoughts in response to a sorrowful event such as what you’ve brought. It is not up to anyone else, save for yourself, to figure out how to best grieve and how to best carry yourself after.  

Ath, I hope you are doing well and carrying on in your studies. I believe that’s what your grandmother would have wanted, too. 

Please be well,

Frodo

[houses-of-healing]

hey, this is for anyone. i'm a 23yr old trans guy - i'm not in a place where transitioning is realistic for me yet, but my body dysphoria (i'm very curvy/traditionally feminine) is kinda holding me back in my studies (acting school) bc when working on the physicality of a character i can't let go of how uncomfortable i am in my own skin, and i'm just feeling really discouraged atm. i could really use some comfort, i guess. - kieran

To our dearest friend Kieran,

You should be proud of yourself for who you are. I certainly am.

Our human friends have told us that there has been many dark things happening in their world, but I am here to remind you that, with darkness, is light. There is goodness in the world. You are one of them.

While you are temporarily unable to transition, I hope I can find ways to help you cope and alleviate how uncomfortable you feel in the body you have at the moment.

Lucky for all of us, there is no Lord of the Boobs, so we don’t have any One Single Binder to Rule us All, and in the darkness, Bind them.

Here are some good links for binders that can help you feel a little more comfortable in your body--if you already know about binders, perhaps this is a good starting point on finding the best binder(s) that fit your need.

https://letsqueerthingsup.com/2015/06/05/binding-while-broke-i-tried-all-these-cheapish-chest-binders-so-you-dont-have-to/

https://transguys.com/features/chest-binding

With dealing with periods, here are some neat links that I found that can help, perhaps, with dealing with periods.

https://www.shethinx.com/pages/people-with-periods

https://www.shethinx.com/collections/period-panties/products/boyshort

https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/11/trans-guys-guide-menstruation/

https://www.seventeen.com/health/a20963434/trans-and-non-binary-periods/

You can opt to take birth control, whether it’s the pill or an IUD as they can help control and manage your periods. An IUD allows you to stop having periods up to three years and you can skip all your periods if you are on the bill, save for about four times a year (for some...kind of health reason; I wish I understood human biology!) If you have a doctor you can trust, you can discuss with them on how to use birth control effectively if you can not do hormone treatment at the moment. 

Kieran, dear friend! I hope these are some good starting points for you in regards to safely transitioning into a body that you feel comfortable in. 

Now, if you’re not in a safe space to wear a chest binder (or even a sports bra, as those can also alleviate some discomfort, I think, perhaps) or find ways to control your period, I would 1) find a support group for ftm that you can find comfort with 2) make sure you have resources at your college. don’t be afraid to ask for a therapist who can help you cope during this difficult time. 3) Research, research research!!! It pays to research. This is your body and it’s important to have all the information you need so when you’re able to transition, you can do it in a safe and healthy manner and have a safe place to do so, as well. 

You can also treat this time of not being able to transition as a way to hone your acting skills. I’m not an actor so I’m not very familiar with all of it, but perhaps you can pretend to be a spy. That you’re on an undercover mission of being a Human Lady and you gotta play the part. (Method acting? I’m unsure of the terminology...) That you have to be undercover to find out what’s on the Cis and Straight Agenda and you’re getting information to fight back. 

Kieran, you are very much loved. You are a very wonderful person and you have resilience despite what you feel. No matter WHAT happens, you are, as our human friends say, “a kick-ass dude, a funky superb human being.” 

I hope this letter finds you well. 

All my love,

Frodo

PS. Kieran, I got a little OOC at the end, but I’m sure Frodo and all the hobbits would find delight in our meme phrases. “Rise and Shine my...my hobbit-dudes! It’s time to make some dough! and then eat it! And then have second breakfast!”

PPS. Don’t forget to eat second breakfast. Frodo says it’s the second most important meal of the day. :) 

[houses-of-healing]

To all our beloved friends

While things have been slow lately, we will be slowly updating our blog layout and mobile blog layout so all of our friends, old and new, can find help and resources much, much faster and much more easily.

I know I use mobile waaaay more than my laptop, so hopefully we will be able to make our blog cleaner and easier to navigate, even if tunglr dot com’s mobile app isn’t *the* best.

I’ll also be putting together some masterposts for our younger followers can find advice and “how to’s” as well! If y’all have any requests let us know!

I’ll be doing some tidying up, so bear with us for a little bit. Asks will still be open, our resources page will still be right there. The admins will still be available on our personal blogs, too!!

All my love,

Admin Clare

[houses-of-healing]

A friend just directed me to this blog, and I just wanted to say that what you guys are doing here is amazing! I write letters to LoTR characters (mostly Aragorn) and put them under my pillow for similar reasons (mostly when I’m stressed or depressed). I hope that all the admins here are well, and take care of their mental health too!! Really, what you guys do is just fantastic!!!! Much love - Ciramdir

Dearest Ciramdir,

We thank you for your kind words! HoH is glad that you find comfort in Tolkien’s world and with his characters as much as we do. We’re doing the best we can and to all our friends who have seen lack of activity on this blog, we apologize for our absence. We’ll be answering answering asks ASAP and we thank you for your patience with us.

All our love,

Frodo

[houses-of-healing]

Hi Kili! Things, shockingly, are going well. I'll be at the library two years on the 14th of this month. My eye has been great since the surgery and no troubles from it. They didn't know if my eye disease would cause issues! Apologies for not being around. Haven't really been on tumblr since 'the purge'. Hope You're good and enjoy the rest of your summer! - K

K, my dear friend!

I am incredibly glad to hear from you. Congratulations on your two years at the library. It warms my heart to know that your eye is healing well. It is important that you keep yourself hale and hearty. 

It has been busy for all of us at the Houses of Healing, myself included. Who knew that mining would take up so much of my time? But it yields great treasures and even greater companions. We have been lucky that there’s no ‘purging’ of our admins’ blogs and our beloved HoH stands tall and resilient, much like yourself. :)

We look forward to reading more of your letters! We keep them safe in a little chest, to read when nights are cold and the wind blows into our bones on the mountains. (Despite roaring fires and warm furs!) 

Your friend,

Kili

[houses-of-healing]

Hi it's Asphodel again big update but i just broke up with him/am in the middle of doing so because ive realized with help how fucked this relationship is and how every time i start doubting it he lovebombs me and guilt trips me to high hells. Anyways I feel like I'm about to break but it's all just so dull 8 and a half months. Huh.

To our dear friend Asphodel,

Even bad things need mourning, mellon nîn. Just because you have realised this relationship was not correct for you, does not mean that you should not take your time to feel whatever you must about it’s ending. The close of a relationship always is a lot of strain, so take the time to look after yourself in this and be gentle with yourself.

The most important thing in any ending, is to learn from your experiences and grow from them. This is not something that happens quickly, so do not expect to understand all that has happened immediately, but remember that every relationship has value in it’s teachings. This is perhaps something that your therapist will be able to help you with.

Mellon, you deserve a partner who truly appreciates you for all that you are, and brings you joy each day. Things do not always work out easily - it took many years before myself and Aragorn were truly suited for one another - but you will get there. I hope your journey in romance is a positive one, full of good people to love and be loved by. Remember your core values, your own personality, your being, and seek someone who values them as though they were gold.

All the best,

Arwen

[houses-of-healing]

thank you very much for your kind response.

All our love and hope to you, friend!

I hope your future grows positively and with great opportunities to love and be loved.

We are always here to listen,

Fingon & Admin Clare

[houses-of-healing]

Since you asked- I came to some realizations about my behaviour and while its hard to face it as a survivor, I'm glad I noticed my unhealthy behavior. I've been talking with my therapist about it too and she rightfully suggested that perhaps I was opening up in phases, letting myself become vulnerable but as the trauma response and anxiety set in Id try to push him away. Im doing my best and our relationship is significantly calmer as of late (tho its not been that long lol) Much love, Asphodel

Asphodel, mellon,

I’m very glad you have been talking to your therapist! It is always good to seek counsel with them. 

I am glad that you and your lover have smoother sailings in your relationship. It is very hard to have open and honest communication in a relationship, especially when you have been hurt in previous relationships and you are wary of opening up and being vulnerable in your current one.

I would continue to talk to your darling Beren, tell them that it will take time for you to recover from your trauma, to accept and learn how to deal with your anxiety, but ask for his support. If you can find resources for your loved one to help support you the best, I would recommend showing them to him. 

Your anxieties about your relationship and whether or not you’re “missing out” are valid–Elves and human alike feel that sort of hesitation. But you must remember that you’re recovering from your trauma, that you are loved and supported. If you want to continue to foster a good relationship with your boyfriend (as I recall he was a cis male, but I apologize if I assume), be honest with him about your feelings, have open communication. 

If you are uncomfortable with something (even if it’s small), tell him. If you are happy about something he’s done, or just happy about something in general, tell him. And vice versa–what troubles he has, what happiness he hands, show that he is welcome to share them with you.

I hope your relationship with your Beren grows with love and happiness and that you have a bright and good future as well.

Your friend,

Arwen