Dear Adoptee,
This is going to be the hardest journey you will ever decide to make in your life. It wont be a walk in the park because some days will feel like a nightmare. As rewarding as a reunion with your birth family sounds or is, sometimes it doesn’t go they way we thought or expected for it to go. I can tell you from experience that you will feel and express every emotion under the sun but this is not about me. This is about you. The one thing adoptees should know is that this decision has to be yours! There is no such thing as being “prepared” for this. You know you are ready when you are fed up with not knowing and not being able to answer the important questions.
Meeting your birth mother / father for the first time is indescribable. There is so many emotions going through your body that you aren't not going to feel one individually. My birth mother didn't recognize me and then when she realized who I was. She gave me a hug and I automatically hugged back and then she walked back to the building with my oldest sister. So you wont know how or what to do when you get to that point. Its going to be emotional. I internalized and suppressed my emotions but they came out eventually.
During your meeting its going to be awkward, exciting, intense, emotional and so much more. I choked on my Gatorade. The first thing my birth mother asked me was about my parents and how they were doing. Your first meeting will not necessarily dictate your post reunion journey but it will give you a starting point.
After your meeting you’re going to feel “some type of way.” You going to have a lot of questions that no one else can answer but you. Do I want to form a relationship? Is it safe emotionally, mentally and physically? Do I want to meet more birth family? Do I want them in my life? When I walked away from the mental facility I became very sad. I was sad for a good while.
The most important question you will ask yourself is what do I do now? So now you have the info you may been searching for all your life. Who do you talk to? Who do I go to when I feel like I have no support? I found myself in this situation and it was not fun. I started this blog a year, maybe, after I met my birth mother. I found the support I needed because the virtual adoptee community is awesome. I have been in therapy for the last six months however my therapist is not an adoption specialist she specializes in trauma.
I always say “ Even though this is the most personal thing you are dealing with...don't take it personal.” You are going to experience hurt, guilt, loyalties issues....people and words are going to trigger you. Find someone who can relate and who will be supportive.
My ask box is open. If you need or want to talk ask me for my email or social media links.
Peace & Love ~A