Bottling yourself up is never a good thing.
Today I learned something from one of my friends. I learned that you really shouldn't be bottled up.
It only hurts even more and it doesn't allow you to trust very many people. But the thing is that when I open up, if I ever do, I feel pathetic. It makes me feel dumb. I can't help it and when I do open up I become attached to that person. So far, I have only opened up to girls and every time I do I get attached. I can't help that either. It sucks. A LOT. I can't help it though. I feel as if they accept me for who I am and that's all I ever want to do. Feel accepted. Don't get me wrong. I'm myself around everyone but when I say I want to be accepted, I mean I want to be a good friend. One that people can depend on and rely on if they are ever in need of ANYTHING. I do so much and ask for nothing in return because friendship truly is that valuable to me. The thing is, a majority of my friends do NOT know ME. They don't know what I go through or how I feel. They may know I'm upset or something but I never let them know why or what it is that's making me feel that way. Only a couple, and I literally mean a couple, of people know me. Not 100% but good enough to make me feel comfortable. I can't stay bottled up. It only makes me an angrier person and it really does feel good to let things out but no one is ever there for me when I actually feel the need to vent or open up. NEVER. So I just stay bottled up because I can't help but feel as if it's some sign from God telling me not to trust anyone and get close to anyone. I'm awfully afraid of attachment. It scares me. The thought of getting attached to someone. I've been hurt or whatever you'd like to call it consistently. Not once has anything ever gone good for me. So to me, getting attached means that I'm only going to have something bad happen to me. Sounds retarded but it's true. For me atleast. I hate it soo much because all I want is a relationship. I'm a nice guy. I feel as if I deserve someone to treat wonderfully but NICE GUYS MOST CERTAINLY DO FINISH LAST AND SOMETIMES AREN'T EVEN GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO START. It's the story of my life so I know from first hand experience.