I've recovered from the month and a half I spent on the Carmen Sandiego timeline and am back to my regularly scheduled obsessing
Which has expanded to the characters and how tall they are because seriously how tall are they oml????
Now, I assume plenty of us have seen this image before:
You can find it on the Official Carmen Sandiego Facebook back from Oct 2019 (not sure about the Instagram or Twitter I'm too lazy to check)
It's widely been used as the canon basis for the character's heights, though I found myself unsure of its reliability
There have been a multitude of posts using the same "Your [Insert Topic Here] Your Carmen Sandiego Character" format, none of which seem to be canon to the show
The Zodiac and Birth Month ones actively contradict each other after all
And I can hear you saying "this really doesn't matter, this is ridiculous online person I don't know"
And you would be correct but I'm nothing if not a nerd so guess what I stumbled upon during my timeline rewatch
Boom
Directly from the show, Graham's mugshot. This is a very frustrating image to be honest because if you look closely between the 5 and 6 foot mark there are 10 lines as opposed to the 12 there should be corresponding to each inch
But oh! There's another image with his mug shot!
This one has no numbers.
So I did what any sane person would do and resorted to math
First I took Chief's image and deleted her from existence, leaving only Graham
Then I undistorted the photo so that it properly lined up with the flat version Bellum displayed so I would know where the foot markers would line up
These were 14 notches apart. Equally unhelpful. So I accepted my fate and pulled out the pixel measurements. Between the 5 foot and 6 foot line was 405 pixels
Between the 5 foot mark and Graham's head was 358 pixels
Using this very simple equation
[A (px) / B (px)] * B (in) = A (in)
We can find out how tall Graham is
358/405 * 12 = 10.61
Round that up to 11 inches and add the 60 inches that makes up 5ft we get a resounding height of 5'11" (or 179 cm)
(if you're confused on why the math works, we know that 405 pixels = 12 inches, we're looking to find what 358 pixels out of that 405 is which is why we multiply that fraction by 12. 405/405 times 12 would equal 12, same idea applies to 358/405. I hope this makes sense.)
For the rest of the characters we can use this lovely height chart
You can find this chart on the Official Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter (I checked). They're separated into individual photos, I just lined them all up into one big one here, it has been unaltered otherwise.
Using the same formula the character's heights are as such (rounded up or down accordingly by the decimals):
Coach Brunt: 6'10" (208 cm)
Countess Cleo: 6'6" (197 cm)
Boris: 6'6" (198 cm)
Male A.C.M.E. Agent: 6'4" (194 cm)
Cookie Booker: 6'4" (193 cm)
Chief: 6'4" (192 cm)
Shadowsan: 6'4" (192 cm)
Le Chevre: 6'3" (190 cm)
Devineaux: 6'3" (190 cm)
Prof. Maelstrom: 6'2" (187 cm)
Zack: 6'1" (186 cm)
Agent Zari: 6'0" (182 cm)
Mime Bomb: 5'11" (180 cm)
Crackle: 5'11" (179 cm)
Carmen: 5'10" (177 cm)
Tigress: 5'10" (177 cm)
Ivy: 5'10" (177 cm)
El Topo: 5'6" (168 cm)
Vlad: 5'7" (171 cm)
Julia: 5'8" (172 cm)
Teenage Carmen: 5'5" (166 cm)
Dr. Bellum: 5'3" (159 cm)
Player: 5'4" (162 cm)
Child Carmen: 3'10" (117 cm)
Kid Carmen: 2'6" (77 cm)
What does this mean? Either the cast of Carmen Sandiego is ridiculously tall or this is all vaguely nonsense
Regardless of my dubious findings I thought it was fun and might as well post what I had
The chart itself does have some merit though, using Carmen's 5'7" that is listed in the Facebook post as a basis you get these heights instead:
Coach Brunt: 6'7" (200 cm)
Countess Cleo: 6'2" (189 cm)
Boris: 6'3" (190 cm)
Male A.C.M.E. Agent: 6'1" (186 cm)
Cookie Booker: 6'1" (186 cm)
Chief: 6'0" (184 cm)
Shadowsan: 6'0" (184 cm)
Le Chevre: 6'0" (182 cm)
Devineaux: 6'0" (182 cm)
Prof: Maelstrom: 5'11" (180 cm)
Zack: 5'10" (178 cm)
Agent Zari: 5'9" (175 cm)
Mime Bomb: 5'8" (173 cm)
Crackle: 5'8" (172 cm)
Carmen: 5'7" (170 cm)
Tigress: 5'7" (171 cm)
Ivy: 5'7" (170 cm)
El Topo: 5'3" (161 cm)
Vlad: 5'5" (164 cm)
Julia: 5'5" (165 cm)
Teen Carmen: 5'3" (159 cm)
Dr. Bellum: 5'0" (153 cm)
Player: 5'1" (156 cm)
Child Carmen: 3'8" (113 cm)
Kid Carmen: 2'5" (74 cm)
This one feels slightly less outlandish, but really Player is still stuck at 5'1" as a 16 year old so how realistic can it be
I hope someone enjoyed my ramblings, however inconclusive they may have been 🙌
you should pretty please infodump about some obscure interest or opinion you have
i have been HOLDING ON TO THIS ONE. FOR A WHILE. i'm finally taking this to talk about my biggest overhaul in my planned carmen sandiego rewrite: ACME!
TL;DR i made them journalists. too long but still want to read? click. more.
so, here are my issues with acme in canon:
-vile but worse. they are a threat but like. not a very big one. they only have a few recognizable named characters compared to vile's huge cast of fun and unique operatives. like. we know there's supposed to be a bunch of acme agents but i can name chief, chase, julia, and zari. thats it.
-carmen has no reason not to get their help bro! i would say she did if she had a problem with chief killing her dad but she DOESNT she's OVER IT. so why the fuck wouldnt she go woah yeah lets get VILE out of here I'm tired and one single person and these people are literally willing to help me for free.
-they don't add much. they are such a huge part of the franchise because you usually ARE acme, but in 2019 they like. sometimes want to arrest carmen but are usually just kind of there. their STANDOUT moment is nearly turning carmen into a popsicle by accident. so WHY are they the ones who TAKE DOWN VILE, THE GOAL OF THE MAIN CHARACTER???? WHY DOESNT CARMEN GET TO TAKE VILE DOWN? it frustrates me.
-ooh they didn't handle police violence very well did they
SOLUTION: pretending like decades of franchise history do NOT exist and stealing the name and characters for my own deal.
JOURNALIST ACME!
Here is my premise: Tamara (editor in Chief) is an investigative reporter working with her longtime friend Zari. Chief KNOWS that vile exists; she and Zari worked together at a huge newspaper where she constantly saw crime stories get swept under the rug. [OR: chief/zari? are on the scene when dexter wolfe is killed by shadowsan. their newspaper refuses to report and keeps it silent]
the two of them left to preserve journalistic integrity and publish articles under the anonymous heading of "ACME" (still figuring out what it stands for in canon. oops.) to protect themselves, as their former boss threatened them the one time they brought up the stories.
SO twenty years later and the two of them are doing their goddamn best to continue trying to expose VILE as a global threat while also juggling anonymity and trying to actually support themselves (they work in cybersecurity, which is, like, fine but it allows them to chase leads so whatever). so just as they are like damn this is kind of awful maybe vile will never be taken seriously as a public threat and we'll be considered some anonymous conspiracy theorists forever: CARMEN SANDIEGO.
suddenly this girl is fitting their profile and making headlines everywhere and they are like holy shit. they start reporting on her. and who should read their articles but a certain pair of interpol agents: chase devineaux and julia argent!
chase busts down the door of chief and zari's itty bitty office and they are like HEY MAN. who the hell did you not only find us but just KNOW WHO WE ARE? we've literally never been discovered in 15-20 years. and chase is like this this and this and also i guess my partner julia argent who may have helped. here's how to fix that so no one can find you again. ANYWAY, your articles are VERY INTERESTING to me as the person assigned to carmen sandiego's case and I want to partner with you on this.
chief quickly realizes that chase is not in very good standing in interpol and that he actually like desperately needs their help. so "acme," finally being given the resources and scope to really start researching this and chase, who has the resources but is way too all over the place to be getting much done (+ julia who is great but way too new to be taken seriously yet) are all like hell yeah.
i have much more plot-wise (i'm rewriting the entire show) but this is a good look at the foundation of New ACME in my world.
IMPORTANT:
-chief is NOT chase's subordinate. although the setting is more group-based, she still has the most experience and skill out of anyone and they all end up following her lead. when chase is eventually put out of commission in poitiers, chief takes up a base role surveying the globe for developing stories and directing the group. zari is the field journalist (and photographer i think?) and julia becomes the interpol representative, although she takes an enormous amount of interest in the aspects of journalism.
(there is also one more player I'm introducing after chase is out of the picture, but they have a bigger role to play in the VILE scope...)
-the named players of acme are the most important ones. i may cameo some nameless, lineless acme agents from canon as people they meet, but I've whittled acme down to its most important players and given them the spotlight by making them ALL of acme.
-chief is no longer a black cop shooting an unarmed man for reaching for his pocket 🙂
WHATS THE THREAT TO CARMEN?
-in canon, acme serve as another antagonist. here, they pose a more global threat: they can influence public perception of carmen. while VILE are really just trying to take carmen down and use her for their own purposes, acme become the main resource for carmen (and VILE) related activity. they have the power to ruin her civilian disguise with one snapped photo. they can turn the public against her. they can dig too deep and find secrets from carmen's past that even carmen's team don't know. or they can make the public favorable to her. she's such a public thief that they have a lot of ammo.
-they also serve as a secondary aspect to handle during VILE conflicts. if acme shows up, carmen needs to juggle both of them. vile are also very wary of acme because they have been able to dig up WAY more than vile is comfortable with. if they approach carmen and carmen spills about them, they are totally ruined. so they are a huge target and carmen also kind of needs to protect them.
-they also keep fucking. predicting where she's going and her patterns which makes it ANNOYING to stop vile because now vile AND the local police are tipped off sometimes! ugh!
-julia, working with acme as the interpol representative, also has the ability to arrest carmen. no i dont think thats how real interpol works, but MINE does so deal with it. so carmen does have a reason to avoid them as well. i'm unsure how i will tweak julia's personality in order to make her a little more threatening, but i will! i think i will make her more career driven for personal reasons, which will make her less likely to want to let carmen get away as she is basically her responsibility.
-carmen won't talk to them because she has already seen chase get hurt due to a slip up from them and will not involve them. she will not leak any vile info because she feels it could do more harm than good and also fears how acme would react to her knowing that much about vile. i'm giving carmen some more secrets. she also wants so bad to just knock vile out and go live life and travel and be a person and acme is potentially kind of ruining that for her.
-also, acme's eventual obsession with her takes attention off vile because she's such a bold target whereas vile works in the shadows. so she's a little peeved about that.
some fun future plot points:
-chief & zari eventually will have a rat whispering in their ears that will corrupt their senses of integrity as they are so relieved to finally be getting what seems like a ton of trustworthy information (its not..). this will make them a larger threat as time goes by.
-vile has a spy...
OKAY that was long. pretty sure no one but jackie is reading this far HOWEVER i am trying to make myself actually work on this damn story so enjoy my thoughts for this acme overhaul!
