All right, so this is how the Vikings finale had better go down tonight ( under the cut for spoilers that will only happen in my fevered dreams, but hey):
Ragnar is not actually dying, no, fuck that shit; he is hurt but playing it up (I don’t know, maybe the seer have him a lingonberry potion to make him pee red whatever).
“Yeah, but, dude,” he tells himself, ”I’m feeling worse than I thought, and if I do snuff it, well, maybe I’ll get to see my Christian boyfriend in heaven, who knows, hedge your bets, and, hey! Exploring new stuff is my thing! First Viking to raid JesusLand, High five, go me.”
He’s wearing that cross like he’s a rap mogul and it’s a dollar sign, but it’s not for Athelstan; it’s part of the game.
“Forgive me for what I am about to do” means pretend to be Christian and then use that to get himself (fake dead, as his IRL son supposedly did) into the city.
Commence with the Trojan horse action, bitches.
Paris surrenders, Rollo or Bjorn marries Princess HardCore, Floki apologizes for killing Athelstan, asses are kicked.
Ragnar passes out, visits with Athelstan in Ringspace or whatever, briefly considers giving up and tagging along back with St. Boyfran, but Athelstan says it isn’t time and he will wait for Ragnar in Heaven while Odin and Jesus arm-wrestle it out for Ragnar’s soul.
THEY KISS. ON THE MOUTH. RAGNAR’S HANDS DEF GET BURIED IN ATHELSTAN’S HAIR, YES THEY DO.
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT SEASON!!!