#agoraphbic

[socialmasochist]

I was able to get to therapy for the first time in three weeks, so that was nice. Life is still a haze. I'm having lots of trouble following conversations and fully answering questions. My new guess is that I didn't have a bad reaction to balcofen, but rather had a seizure from clonazepam withdrawal. This theory is backed up by me having another sometime during the day last week, and yet another on Sunday night. I am now supplementing myself with very small doses of lorazepam so I can actually sleep and not have seizures. I might even try the baclofen again. Maybe. After I'm done with these damned withdrawals. What's baffling to me is the slow heart rate & tight chest. Why would going off clonazepam make my propranolol stronger? That just doesn't make sense. These are the mysteries of my life. (I'll be seeing my NP/GP on Friday) #chronicillness #chronicallyill #dysautonomia #pots #fibromyalgia #ocd #agoraphbic #agoraphobia

[socialmasochist]

It's my birthday and I'll fries if I want to. Mmm, salt. The plan was to be all glamorous today. I was going to paint my nails and dye my hair and do my makeup. Sadly, I got really violently sick on Wednesday night, could barely move all day yesterday, and am just going to have to celebrate the fact that I could take a bath today and made it out to get myself some starchy salt (though that was a bit of an ordeal and involved a LOT of chanting "you're okay, you're okay" while stopped in traffic). I knew when I saw that we'd have to be out of the old house by April 30th that my birthday would be a bust. I just didn't anticipate cycling rapidly through digestive meltdowns. Getting locked in the garage definitely set me back, but that's an essay for another time. #recoveryisnotlinear #twfood #food #highsodiumdiet #dysautonomia #POTSie #fibrowarrior #agoraphbic #agoraphobia #ptsd #actuallyocd

[socialmasochist]

#butyoudontlooksick #chronicillness #chronicallyill #dysautonomia #POTSie #fibrowarrior #chronicfatigue #agoraphbic #agoraphobia #actuallyocd #bipolarII #ptsd #sickbutcute #feelshittylookpretty

[socialmasochist]

Observations From The Outside World: -Disabled parking spots are bullshit. There's never enough, and some are nowhere near the doors. -Woman outside of See's could not stop smiling at me. She smiled so hard that she didn't get a word out. It's great that even when I'm super depressed I can still inspire joy. -Along with eye tests, the DMV should be making sure elderly drivers can see over their steering wheels. -Wear stuff in your hair. Trust me. -Smokers roll down their window to smoke while they drive, but I don't want that crap in my car either. -People should just never walk backwards. Ever. -Weird old guy who always sits at the out of commission doors at the Grocery Outlet: why are you there? Today you got up and ripped a bunch of ivy off a redwood. Did that make you feel better? #observationsfromtheoutsideworld #selfiepower #chronicallyfabulous #ptsd #actuallyocd #POTSie #dysautonomia #fibrowarrior #bipolarII #agoraphbic #agoraphobia #makeuparttherapy

[socialmasochist]

Observations from the outside world: 1. After just three days of bed rest, distances look fake. 2. Dude with the skull watch who was so excited about my skull-heavy outfit today: you keep rocking it. 3. People who walk through grocery stores and announce items and prices to each other are baffling. 4. Redheads are adorable. No wonder I keep pretending to be one. 5. I should make more of an effort to visit areas with good memories. Pleasant flashbacks are such a nice way to change things up. 6. Coffee houses smell SO GOOD, even when you're just at a stop sign near one. 7. I had good luck with registers having no waiting, then being done and looking behind me to see a huge crowd had lined up. Usually it's me at the very end of that line. 8. I've been having less anxiety while driving. The smooth trip to the disability hearing might have something to do with it. Maybe it's the spring air. Maybe it's faeries. #everydaylifeobservations #justaddsalt #365dayswithdisability #dysautonomia #POTSie #fibrowarrior #chronicfatigue #chronicallyill #chronicillness #actuallyocd #bipolarII #ptsd #agoraphbic #agoraphobia #justagothgirl #fakeredhead #wannabeginger

[socialmasochist]

The power of positive thinking at work: I had hoped that this TARDIS-themed makeup and accessories getup would get me out the door to see the new mean psychiatrist. Well, I made it out the door. But then I turned around because it felt like my car was shrinking and I kept forgetting what I was doing. Positive thinking is good. Practical thinking is better. #actuallyocd #ptsd #agoraphobia #agoraphbic #fibrowarrior #missedappointment #dysautonomia #POTSie #powerofpracticalthinking #dontbeagoob