At the beginning of this week a guy stopped me in the streets to compliment me on my outfit and my appearance. After talking for a while I gave him my number, agreeing for a drink. Being the hopeless romantic I am I already pictured a fairytale ending. Nonetheless it didn’t happen. He was nice and all but too nice. I felt liked only by my appearance and not by the stupid pictures I take of my friends, the amount of time I spend with my parents or the amount of love I have for food.
I want someone to love me for me in the end I guess.
But it did make me believe maybe one day someone will come up to me and fall in love with me because of all of those things.
Sending the boys back to schooling outside of home will be tough. I know they receieve better education at home morally, academically, and street smarts. Lbvs. However, it's time for me to practice self-care. I need to focus on my health, mental health, career and academic goals. Time is passing through my fingers like sand. There is always that voice in my head whispering about death, stroke, limitations... but I already know we have no control over these things. Fearing what you can not control is a waste of fear. I can only try... and hope God is merciful and allows me to simply grow older. Once a weird ex had his mom and his weird ex play on my phone. Imagine everyone way over 30 doing this because I simply left. Anyway they text me my birth name and my age as if they had discovered the cure for cancer, the secret of life and creation, or some great unknown🤭😂 As if hundreds of students, co-workers, my huge family, exes, ex husband, medical staff, dmv, feds, places I volunteer at, etc don't know my full name or age. Aging is a blessing. I simply just looked far younger than my age since I was a teenager. Still, I pray to grow old, as old as my mother... even older. I have so much to learn and so much to do for others.
Dipesisir pantai sepi ini, senja dipelupuk mata. Ku larut dalam lamunan memandang luasnya lautan yang membentang. Tak sadarkan diri, ku berjalan kearahnya, perlahan deburan ombak seolah meronta tak ingin kembali lagi kelautan. Tarik ulur angin menerpanya. Berteriak memanggil namamu, namun tak ada sautan.
Pikirku penuh dengan engkau seorang.
Ku kira jika aku menyelami lautan ini, Aku akan dapat bertemu denganmu lagi. Tak peduli seberapa dalamnya, akan ku selami. Asalkan kau hadir, lalu kita kembali ke daratan. Mengulang kembali seperti dulu saat kita bersama. Aku akan menjemputmu.
Tanpa menggunakan alat penyelaman, ku selami lautan. Berharap aku akan temukanmu didalam palung lautan.
Tubuhku telah luput sebagian, kian percayanya aku, kita akan dipertemukan.
Lautan telah dalam pelukan. Menarik napas dalam-dalam, hingga akhirnya tak terlihat lagi diriku dipermukaan.
Kuselami kesana kemari, sebelah kiri, sebelah kanan. Namun hanya kegelapan yang ku dapat. Ikan-ikan menari seolah kesedihan tak pernah menjadi alasan. Napas terengah engah, tak lagi tertahan, air laut telah banyak tertelan. Aku tak sadarkan diri, terombang-ambing kesana kemari. Tentu saja pikirku masih denganmu seorang.
“Hadirlah sayang, telah aku lakukan segalanya untukmu. Tolonglah Kali ini, kembali lagi pada pelukku.”
Ternyata hingga aku lakukan segalanya, kau tak lagi hadir dan kembali. Semuanya telah hilang bersama kesedihan yang malang. Namun, aku tak pernah menyesali ini semua. Meskipun, tak ku temukan kau di palung lautan. Harapku, Kita akan dipertemukan di keabadian.
Here’s a little story, want to read it? Chuckle :) ... well here it is if you can be bothered.
Following an intense four weeks I was looking for a little R & R, and we decided to take the drive over to Evandale and our favourite Sunday Market. It starts early - 8am, so we started even earlier - up at 5:30 gone by 6:15 and literally drove into the sunrise.
The morning was so soft with that ethereal early morning mist floating everywhere. It was a mild 15 degrees and with first light the colours and clouds had the look of big fat powder puffs. Cows were still sleeping, horses were grazing and as the sky changed colour before dawn, the scene became more tangible.
What a spectacular time of day!
Just for a minute the colours faded, then the sky exploded with all those magical orange-reds, purples and brilliant yellows as the orb broke free of the horizon, making it a bit hard to see for the next few kilometres!
Going through Deloraine I saw ducks on the river, in Westbury it was geese in the paddocks and on the road with us, some early morning cyclists on a training ride.
We arrived in Evandale a little before 7:45, found a parking spot under the trees, another reason for our early start, then walked into the market right on 8 o’clock. It turned out to be great market-day-weather at 22 degrees, overcast with no wind. We spent a lazy four and a half hours happily browsing the stalls, then had a wander around Evandale before heading home under a gentle drizzle of rain.
Ngày đông xám xịt như này đủ níu giữ người ta lại nơi hơi ấm của chăn và nệm. Cô ấy nằm cạnh co ro xem phim trong khi tôi lơ đãng xoa đầu cô, để rồi cô ngủ quên trên tay tôi từ lúc nào chẳng biết. Cô luôn bắt đầu, và tôi luôn là kẻ kết thúc, kể cả việc tôi luôn là người duy nhất còn thức đến tận cuối những bộ phim mà cô nằm xem cạnh tôi trong mùa đông ấy, luôn luôn như vậy.
Sonic Skyline A.U by: Drawloverlala (Thanks you for everything)
The next day, in the Amy´s Bakery, she was working, like always, then, Sonic enter the shop and go directly with Amy, “Hi Amy, Sally told me that you need me to do a special delivery, so I come as far I can…” – “Don´t worry about it, I did it” Amy interrupt him, “So tell me, How was your last adventure?” – “Fine, I guess…”, Sonic respond (with a little discomfort, because he really want to impress Amy with that delivery) “I went with Tails to a rare Island, and the worst thing is that I deliver an “Magic” boomerang to a crazy badger, she told about the end of the world, the sky will fall and something like that, …you know the usual… but is a very cool person if I have to say, maybe one they I bring you there, because she don’t want to leave her house… but… if you done the delivery… who was the client?” , then Amy says: “It was for Shadow…” , Sonic respond: “What! For that jerk! If he did something to you I...” – “He don’t do anything you moron!” Amy interrupt and hit him with her hammer: “For you information, he was a gentleman, he brings me back to my home when it was too late, no like other…”, Sonic with a little of jealous ask: “So what took you two so much time?” – “Don’t worry about it, but I can’t tell you… because I made a promise to not talk about it” Amy respond as she winked to him.
Meanwhile, in the Shadow´s house, Rouge come to the building and said: “Hey Shadow! You have something for me?” – “Besides the patience to deal with you ...Yes, Amy left these packages for you…” Shadow respond, “Oh don’t be like that honey, with that attitude, you never find a girl…” Rouge said while she inspected the boxes, and then she added: “Oh! I found a special box for you”, Shadow did not expect this, he thought that is was another of Rouge´s joke, but he saw the name on the box, he don´t understand why she do that, then Rouge continuous: “I think that this box is a gratitude gif?…Well grumpy, I leave now, thanks you for the favor, see you tomorrow handsome” after that, Rouge start to fly away from the house (with her packages of course). Later, Shadow was looking the box, “What´s inside?, maybe I made a mistake in trusting her so much…” he thought, but when he opened the box, he was surprised, the box was full of Koulourakias, and also there was a note, he open it and he start to reading:
“Dear Shadow:
Sorry for read your book, I didn’t know that is was yours until I read the diary, I think that is was a cooking book, because this recipe was in the first page… so to make a proper apologies, I do these Koulouraikas for you, I have to say it was so funny and easy to do, I hope these cookies strike you memories about your time on Earth, I wish someday you explain me how is the Earth and the beauty behind it.
Whit Love and so many apologies: Amy Rose
P.D: If you want more, just tell me”
Shadow was dumbfounded, he didn’t believe that he will eat another Maria´s cookies, but he was a little skeptical so he try one, and... he loved it, because the cookie taste exactly like the ones that Maria made, after he eat all the box, with a chuckle he told to himself “Now I have three promises to realize…”
Sonic Skyline A.U by: Drawloverlala (Thanks you for everything)
(The present)
The book ends here, and Amy was touched by the story, but then she realized that she have to deliver the cakes and the book to Shadow, “What I have to say about it? And if he turns very mad for it?” she said to herself, and in this moment she had an idea…
Later, she arrived in the house of Shadow with the charge, the house was a very small and white building, with a roof and some ornamentation of brick; then she press the ring house… after some minutes, a voice sounds “What do you want!”, “…if clearly was Shadow…”, Amy thought to herself and respond: “He…Hello, it´s Amy with some delivery for Rouge, there are some cakes in it… She told me that I have to send this to you…”, but there was no response, everything fell in silence for a minute and suddenly, He opened the door and said: “Come in…”, and Amy obey his order.
Once inside, she began to detail the house, there were anything special, only some grey furniture, and a table, that was all his living room, but suddenly, she saw a large window which had a beautiful view of the sky, and if you looked more closely, it could see the earth from above, Amy was looking the view, but Shadow interrupt: “If you want, you can put the cakes on the table…”, Amy reacts and realized the task, later she said: “I want to talk… for something important”, this phrase caught the attention of Shadow, and she continued talking: “Have you ever imagined how the earth is?”, Shadow was quiet for a moment and said: “What do you want with that question?...” – “Eh… nothing, is that I always very curious about what or how is the world is beneath us, I found it interesting to visit the Earth someday…” Amy responds, she was expecting some reaction from Shadow, but he was very calm and serious when he responds: “Well… someday your dream will come true, if you find a way to do it, but that is not my issue”; Amy found a little frustrated because it does not get any evidence of its past, so she tried with something more direct: “Well…Some days ago, when you and Sonic fought, I found this… a book, and I found a recipe, something called Koul… Koulourakia! , and I want to know two things, first, is this book is belongs to you? , and second, where this dessert come from?”, there was a moment of silence and Shadow said: “Where do you find it? I lost this book many months ago, so you stole it right… Because if you did it, I swear I…” – “It was an accident, I found it in the last fighting you have with Sonic in the library of one of the Eggman´s factory, I don’t really know that this books is a diary, I think it was a cookbook or something like that, please forgive me!” Amy responds. When Shadow was going to take the book from her hands, a letter slipped between the pages and fell to the floor, and this letter have written “To Shadow”; the two hedgehogs stand still for a second, and then, they star a little fight to see who gets the letter, in one point, Amy took the letter and Shadow will snatch it, but the letter broke through the middle, and the two hedgehogs says at the same time: “Look what you have done!...” and then both realized that the fight were unnecessary, they stay quiet for a minute, and then Amy said: “I…I´m so sorry… I didn´t want to…” – “Don´t worry about it, perhaps, it was my fault…” Shadow interrupts; another minute pass and then Amy had an idea: “What if we read the letter, if for you after all, maybe this letter was written by Maria…” , she was impressed when Shadow respond: “Whatever, this situation can´t get worst…”, he gave his part of the letter and walk to the window, “What are you waiting… read it” He said , Amy was paralyzed for a seconds, she don´t believed the situation, but she put together the pieces of paper and she began to read in a tone of voice that Shadow can hear her:
“Dear Shadow:
If you are reading this maybe you are now in your home, I hope you are happy there. Maybe you would have a question all this time when we take different paths, why I was so determined to not come with you to the sky when we last see each another on Earth?
Well the answer is a little hard to explain, We know that if you were more time in the Earth, the leaving will be more hard for both, and I really don´t want that. You are my best friend in all time, actually… the only one… and it would be very wrong to leave you on Earth with me, and will be the same way if I go with you to the sky, when you maybe have a lot of friends that are worried about you, and above all… The Sky is your real home, I don´t want to be that persons who take a creature or people to stay with them by force, or that person who create chaos in other places, like happened on Earth with you, I don´t have fear about that, is that also have a family, that somehow, they care about me, and it will be unfair from them that the same way is unfair for you to stay on Earth… In the short time we met, I knew that you are an independent spirit; you always do your thing by your own…
For that we have our promise, I hope you are searching a way to bring humans and mobians together, I´ll do my best for that, and one day, we will find again… but don´t give up, even if everything is against you, because we have to give them a chance to be happy, to see a better world, I know you would do that, and that day, I will be so proud of you…
With love and hopes, Maria R.”
When she finished reading she saw Shadow, he was with a tear in his cheek and he said in a low tone: “Maria…”
A moment of silence remained in the room, but later Amy said in a gentle tone: “So… why do you help Eggman?, if you know that Maria wants to unite the humans and mobians… Eggman wants to conquer the sky by creating super storms and panic between us? …” – “You´re sound like him… you know…” Shadow replay, Amy with a little blush of her cheeks respond: “I don´t say that he will betray you‼… it´s that I don´t find the reason why do you help him… you´re not stupid, you know that what Eggman is doing is wrong and…” – “I´m doing it because he have some information about all the stories of the mobian culture, also he has a database to each habitant of the sky… It that something to you… if you have stolen and reading my personal book… you may already you has the answer for that…” Shadow respond, and for that Amy said: “I repeat, I - don’t – stole – the – book, I found it in the factory of Eggman the last time we see each another” then she realize and comment something: “But wait… Shadow if your real name? ... This name isn´t the name that Maria gave you… or is a coincidence …” , Shadow was shocked, he didn´t though about that possibility, his took a deep breath and then he respond: “Do you have any other solution… I don´t care so much about my past… but the technology he use to translate the ancients language of the mobians, help me to research, but …” he was silent for a moment, in that instant, Amy said: “The language are very difficult to translate?” – “Yes…” Shadow answered: “is quite difficult even for the Eggman´s machines… I don´t know how to made my part for Maria´s whish…” , The room was in complete silent for a long time, Shadow go to the window and he see all the houses that have their own light, is like to see a ton of artificial stars, Amy felts sympathy for him, so she decided to go to the window and she stood beside him, she look the landscape for a moment, and then she talk: “You know… I can help you… I understand a little the ancient language because a close friend of mine knows about it… maybe if I…” – “I don´t want your help, I will do this thing for my own, I´m only with Eggman because I take advantage of its technology, nothing more…” Shadow said with a serious and anger tone, but Amy respond in the same way: “Why you don’t trust other people, I want to help you, but you are keeping this whole ego that you only can do that, No you can´t!”, and then, Shadow start the dispute: “Why do you think I can trust you? I only know your name and your profession, you stole my …” – “For the last time: I don´t stole your stupid book‼! I found it on the Eggman´s Factory‼!” – “So why do you think he will doing whit the book‼” – “I don´t know‼”, then the room was quiet again, the last question made the two stubborn hedgehogs to think… but there are no answer by the moment… so Amy have another proposition to him: “Let’s make a deal” she said: “I don´t say anything about this whole situation whit the other, it will be our secret if you wanted, but, you have to trust me that I will help you with the translations, and you promise me to leave Eggman if you find a better opportunity to do your research, without damaging our world… deal?” , Shadow was in a rare and difficult situation at the same time, he don´t want to deal with the other people to know about his real goal, but he don´t have other options, he clearly was tricked by his ego “This girl is smart…” thought to himself, “Well… it seem that I don´t have anything to lose… so… I accept your deal” Shadow respond, Amy was happy about the answer, and she said with a lot of joy: “Yaayyy‼ Thanks you!, You will not regret it I swear” then, she look her clock and… “Oh no, It´s late! , how I could go to my home now?...” she said, but then Shadow respond: “I see, maybe I will gone regret this but… since you found my book and returned it… if fair that help you with that problem” – “How?” Amy asked, then Shadow took the cyan emerald and grabs Amy hand, and yell: “Chaos Control!”, and in a moment they were on the bakery, then Amy thanked Shadow, but he wasn´t there anymore, so she assumed that he don’t like the farewells…
