Discover Top Posts Tagged with #almost divorced

Nicecream

Asgore: Hey babe got you some Nicecream

Gaster: Oh thanks baby *bites Nicecream*

Asgore: What in thE ABSOLUTE FU-

#kingdings #wtf babe #crackhead #almost divorced

So I went to get an oil change and the guy behind the counter asked me where my husband was, now this guy has seen me and my husband come in for oil changes for like the past 2 years. I told him that we were no longer together...so when he told me the total for the oil change I was like "damn, that's a lot." He was like "I know you got the money for it" and I'm like "uh not really, I'm a social worker (we make shit pay) and now I have to pay for all my bills alone." So this man says "I got you, don't worry about it." So that's how I got a free oil change. I guess being separated does have its benefits.

#single #free oil change #black woman #separated #what else can i get free #almost divorced

reminds me of my childhood

#my parents argue a lot #almost divorced #love them tho

"We Are Almost Divorced" So Why We Bother Getting Along. TRY THESE SIMPLE BUT IMPORTANT TOOLS TO HELP MAKE A BAD RELATIONSHIP BETTER

WE ARE ALMOST DIVORCED So Why Bother Getting Along ?

Simple But Important Tools To Help Make A Bad Relationship Better.

Introduction

When I was going through my divorce, my Dad, a corporate attorney, told me the following; “Everybody wins and everybody loses.” At the time, I was too caught up in the war to be able to grasp the meaning of that wisdom. Like me, most people going through a legal divorce become so intent on “winning” that they lose sight of how to most effectively “play the game.”

Remember the simple advice that we all grew up with; “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game?” Taking skillful charge of playing the divorce “game” can make the difference between a legal nightmare and emotional catastrophe and a successful resolution.

Although there are no easy answers for life’s major problems, of which divorce is certainly one, there are some simple ways that can be used to enhance the possibilities for achieving a constructive outcome.

The High Conflicts Couple

As a major life transition, divorce is one of the most stressful and disorienting events a person can face. It involves a myriad of losses; loss of the future as planned, loss of financial stability, loss of identity as a coupled person, and loss of a best friend, to name a few.

Given this degree of life disruption, powerful feelings of anger, grief, sadness, and fear about the end of the marriage are common. As a form of retaliation, many people feel compelled to express these feelings. If every effort is not made to prevent the onslaught of these feelings during the divorce, the process can be severely impeded.

Compounding these overwhelming emotions is the reality that more often than not, divorcing couples have not successfully developed the ability to resolve their conflicts. Indeed, this inability has probably contributed positively to the corrosion of the marriage and the misery of both parties.

Highly reactive divorcing couples – those quick to argue, be angry, and blame – need more than just run-of-the-mill relationship advice to solve matters of custody and division of assets. When destructive emotions are at the heart of their relationship, only effective communication will fix what ails it. To achieve successful divorce negotiations, individuals need to get control of their emotions so they can stop making things worse.

Understanding Emotions In Relationships

It’s been known that a small to moderate amount of stress keeps people alert and interested, actually increasing their self-control and performance on a task. It is also true that past a moderate point of stress and self-control performance begins to drop. At high enough levels of arousal, one begins to focus on escaping from the high state of negative emotions. Once in a mind-set of escape, one is considered out of control and focused on reducing the negative tension.

This brief explanation can be used to describe what happens to divorcing couples when they are attempting to resolve issues during the throes of acrimonious negotiations. Once they reach the point of being out of control and cannot hold their tongues, they are no longer focused on longer-term goals and are unable to make effective decisions. Their sole function is to escape the unpleasant situation by doing something that will hurt the other person, thus escalating and worsening the conflicts between them.

It is easy to recognize two warring parties. Either one party becomes resigned to being treated badly or both people treat each other badly. Negativity begets negativity. Either way, the emotions are very high and the individuals’ thinking and reasoning abilities are compromised. Without the ability to contain these emotions, communication becomes ineffective.

How To Manage Emotions Effectively In Order To Reach Goals

The following are some practical tips that will help people to restore their communication and get the derailed negotiations back on track.

Remember that what one says or does will impact their spouse. Although each advocates for himself, they must be mindful at all times that they are not acting in isolation. If negative things are said, they will be reciprocated and the very thing that is trying to be resolved will be sabotaged.

One’s thinking and one’s feeling selves need to work together, not at cross purposes. Effective behavior results from a balance of the two. Acting exclusively from emotions, a common occurrence during divorce negotiations, can mean acting from urges without regard to consequences.

One must make a commitment to not making things worse with their soon to be ex-spouse. This entails being mindful, at all times, of keeping the relationship on track so that goals can be met, in contrast to a singular focus on painful emotions. Being nasty, invalidating or criticizing the other, regardless of what they said or did, will only make things worse. Hurting one’s spouse is hurting oneself and continuing the agony.

The essence of an effective response is a calm one which describes goals and feelings in lieu of telling their spouse what he or she is doing wrong.

Each person wishes the other to understand their position and needs. Therefore, empathy is required. It is important that both parties validate the others’ experience as legitimate. Validation, not to be confused with agreement, conveys that one is not so interested in being right or arguing.

One may feel that if they are attacked and they do not attack back that they are surrendering. Refusing to continue the fight creates a win-win situation. It preserves self-respect as well as their relationship with their spouse. Nobody loses.

Conclusions

In the heat of the moment it is difficult to remind oneself that they may regret something they are about to say. However, acting impulsively on raw emotions, particularly anger, during the divorce process is a dangerous dance that will likely produce a destructive, possibly disastrous, outcome. Once those emotions are out there, they cannot be taken back. The result? Dead bodies in the wake.

Throughout the negotiations, each party must take mindful responsibility for what they are saying. If the outcome is to be beneficial, the communication must be purposeful and precise, not uncontrolled. Taking a second to think before speaking may be the crucial difference between satisfaction with resolve and regret.

Visit - WE ARE ALMOST DIVORCED So Why Bother Getting Along ? - Relationship Expert

#almost divorced #couple counselling #marriage counseling #individualcounslling #divorce counsling

"We Are Almost Divorced" So Why We Bother Getting Along. TRY THESE SIMPLE BUT IMPORTANT TOOLS TO HELP MAKE A BAD RELATIONSHIP BETTER

#almost divorced #divorce counseling #couples counseling

It's crazy how someone can constantly tell you they don't want to be with you, that they're unhappy, that they want to be with other women. So each time you beg and plead for them to stay, telling them you're going to do better and make changes to be what they want you to be (first mistake). But oh no, let you be the one to tell them you don't want to be with them anymore and all hell breaks loose. Like I don't get it, you didn't want me but now I don't want you it's a problem.

I'm just reminding myself of how unstable my husband (soon to be ex) was/is and the fact that he just texted me "happy birthday" and "I hope you've have enough time so we can have some closure." I didn't respond, I really wanted to curse him out but I'm trying to be a better me and not allow him to take me to a place that will cause me stress. Just venting...

#separated #almost divorced #its still my birthday #black women #single #blessed not stressed

Thankful... For clarity For self esteem For a growing level of self awareness For mindfulness For the ability to stay grounded For kindness For empathy For understanding For determination For optimism For emotional vulnerability For my ability to connect with others on a deep level For the ability to work on myself For requiring more of myself For demanding respect For standing up for myself. For the knowledge to recognize when things just aren't working anymore For the wisdom to draw a line in the sand For the ability to demand that I can ONLY give so much For being able to say enough is enough And for the knowledge that gave me the strength to walk away I am in a place I never imagined I would be. It's a great place to be. I value myself and know I deserve more than I've been given in relationships. Not that I didn't believe I deserved more, I just never knew how to get it. I didn't know that I was looking in the wrong places. There is no room for entitlement within relationships. I've never felt that way, like I was entitled to everything being made easy for me, like I didn't have to work on myself, like I was perfect. I don't know why I've continued to date people who approach relationships like that. How could I have expected anyone to have treated me well, when I didn't treat myself well? When I let someone step all over my boundaries all the time? So I drew the line, and I am demanding more. I hoped for more. I prayed for more. And I've spent the past month hanging out with someone who makes me cry from laughing every time we hang out. Someone who is the same kind of weird. We share a lot of qualities He's a creative who understands the ups, downs, ins and outs of the creative process. He is an explorer A kind hearted soul An observer Someone trying to understand others instead of judge them He is Introspective Loyal Loving Caring Giving Self aware Flexible Pushing to be better Pushing to build bridges rather than burn them. This is the most fulfilled and supported I've ever felt. No one is going to make me happy other than myself, and drawing that line in the sand is where I finally took a stand for myself.

#surviving separation #surviving divorce #almost divorced #homefromtheholladay #coming home from holladay #new beginnings #self improvement #self respect #self awareness #thankful #grateful #personal #personal growth #relationship #relationships

There has been a lot going on around here recently.

I broke things off with Tom the week before last… we had been dating for 11 months, but this has been coming for awhile.

Ironically enough, I left on October 1st My 5th wedding anniversary (Ryan and I are still married, but approaching the finish line towards our divorce.)

Tom and I just became unhealthy. We fell into bad patterns. I love and care about him, but I also realize my limitations. I can’t lose myself in someone else. I can’t quiet myself down. I can’t be anyone but myself.

It just didn’t seem like there was enough space within the confines of our relationship for empathy, support or encouragement for what was going on in my life too.

I felt absorbed… if that makes sense.

My car was totaled last Wednesday. I am fine. The woman in the other car, And her four kids, were fine too. She was driving a Buick SUV ran a red light as I was turning left and nearly broadsided me.

Luckily, I saw her, slammed on my brakes, and turned to my right some, out of what, essentially, would’ve been a head on impact or being t-boned.

Insurance adjuster determined it was totaled. The whole front end of the car is displaced ¾" it’d cost far too much to fix it. I can get a check for it this week.

The caveat is, I can’t go out and buy/finance a car until I get the house refinanced.

I’ve been waiting on Ryan’s legal camp to accept an offer to buy him out of the house.

We finally agreed on a number last week and our separation agreement is finally being drafted up.

So I can push forward with the refinancing on the house once that’s signed. I was also waiting on getting my taxes done this week (I deferred until the fall.)

In the meantime, My family is letting be borrow a car for the next few months. A Dodge Stratus that was my brother in law, Will’s, car. Emily got a new car, and gave her husband her Geo Tracker.

My dad is getting the Stratus running, tagged, and insured for me until I can transfer insurance later this week. Hopefully, I will be able to get it tomorrow.

On a positive note: My former wedding anniversary ACTUALLY turned into one of the BEST DAYS I’ve had in years. I spent the day laughing so hard that my eyes were puffy from tears the next morning and my belly ached from too much laughter.

I know I’m strong enough to step away from something unhealthy now… That’s a HUGE revelation in my world. I always went down with the ship. But not now…I can’t anymore.

So as insane as things are, all is well with the world. Keep that PMA.